Rough Mistress

Rough Mistress
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Let's be clear. There's never a good excuse for engaging in an affair with someone who is married. But it does happen. And at the end of the day, women who become mistresses or "the other woman" are our daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers, wives, and neighbors. They are women within our communities.
Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother
Aug 22, 2016, 11:57 AM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother
Let's be clear. There's never a good excuse for engaging in an affair with someone who is married. But it does happen. And at the end of the day, women who become mistresses or "the other woman" are our daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers, wives, and neighbors. They are women within our communities.
I know this is a hot-button issue and I realize many wives who have been the victim of a cheating husband may have raw wounds on this subject. I'm hoping to shed some light on a human level as to why some women get involved in affairs with married men. Here are 5 things I think wives should know about mistresses.
Yes, believe it or not, a mistress does feel guilt. If she is aware of the fact that her lover is married, she goes through all the normal emotions associated with guilt on a daily basis, such as sadness and depression.
A mistress feels guilty when her lover chooses to spend time with her on a weekend, knowing there is a wife and possibly children waiting at home. She feels guilty when she hears other people talk about cheating spouses. She feels guilty when she watches movies about adultery.
Guilt is the permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward.
That said, many mistresses are totally unaware that their lover is married. Many men go to great lengths to hide the fact that they are married. If a husband can have an affair and betray the woman he married, then he is capable of telling multiple lies, both to the wife and mistress.
Bottom Line : Unless a woman is a sociopath, she feels guilty for crossing the line, just like any normal human being would.
Guilt is the permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward.
2. She Probably Never Planned On Being A Mistress
Every adult is accountable for their own actions -- of that there is no doubt. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances and poor decisions can lead to affairs.
It's not likely on the goal list of any woman to get wrapped up in an affair with a married man and potentially lose her career, credibility, friends, or -- in some extreme cases -- her life because of it. Not to mention, some women who have affairs are also married and have families of their own that they are jeopardizing by getting involved in an affair.
Many women end up being the other woman by having a "fling" with a man with whom they never intended on being with on a regular basis. They may or may not have known the man was married but they went ahead anyway, later ending up infatuated or in love.
There are women out there that don't have a problem dating married men and seem to have little regret about it, but generally speaking, this is not usually the case.
Many times a husband will make promises that can string a mistress along until so much time passes that it becomes difficult for her to break it off. A husband may even go so far as to tell the mistress he's separated or in the process of a divorce when this is not the case. If a mistress is in love, she may not want to end it, even if she knows it's wrong.
If a woman has become a mistress and she knows that her lover is married, then most certainly she feels jealous. She feels jealous every time he walks out the door. She knows he is going home to another woman. She knows her lover has another life at his home which she will never be a part of.
Unless she has a family of her own, a mistress's life is usually pretty lonely, emphasized by the fact that her heart probably sinks just thinking of what her lover is doing at home with his wife and family. She feels jealous that he shares a bed with his wife and will never know the true level of intimacy that's going on despite what she's been told.
Some mistresses even have children with their married lovers. Imagine what a complicated web that must be.
There's no doubt that a mistress feels envious that her lover's relationship with his wife is not a secret to the world like hers most likely is. One thing that many mistresses crave more than anything is validation that her relationship with her lover is real. Sneaking around in secrecy is not the ideal for having a healthy, long-term relationship.
A mistress, like any other woman, wants her lover to be proud of her, to tell their friends about her, and for them to have the desire to tell the whole world how much they love her.
4. She Fell In Love With The Wrong Person
Well, this is a no-brainer, but unfortunately, love and lust are blind. A woman who ignores repeated red flags because of love or lust will eventually find out she has picked the wrong person to be with.
A mistress is bound to come to this realization sooner or later. She may choose to stay in the affair long after she's realized her mistake for any number of reasons including denial, fear, and, of course, love.
Falling for the wrong person happens to all of us. It happens to single women dating single men. It happens to women who fall in love with married men. It happens to the wife of a husband who is having an affair. It happens to same-sex couples as well.
The point is, most likely the mistress already knows she has made a huge mistake and only stays in the affair because she thinks her lover wants to be with her. Of course, some women may not be that emotionally attached to their lovers, but I would guess that most are -- especially in long-term affairs that carry on for years.
Mistresses are just like any other woman in the world. They don't necessarily need to be vilified.
5. She May Believe There Is A Future
How many women fall for a man and believe most of what he says? We've all done it at some point or another. If a woman knows her lover is married or found out at some point after she already fell for him, then there is no doubt she has been sweet-talked and promised to hundreds of times.
It's fairly common for a cheating husband to tell his mistress that he is miserable in his marriage and wants to get out. This may or may not be true, but whether or not he does get out of the marriage is another thing. If there are children involved or if the husband does truly want to be with his wife, then he won't make the steps to leave the marriage
A mistress has already placed herself in a vulnerable position, so if she is in love with the man she is having the affair with, she will make excuses for him, and probably suffers from deep denial. It may take months or even years for a mistress to realize that a man is not going to leave his wife for her. If he was, he would have done it sooner than later.
Hanging on to an affair in hopes that a man will leave his wife is something many mistresses do, and if there are years that pass by, she becomes more invested in the relationship, and also more comfortable within the lie. The affair becomes her normal. The secrecy becomes her normal, and in many cases, she will self-medicate or behave destructively to alleviate the guilt and shame.
Being the mistress is not glamorous. An affair may start out as a thrilling, romantic whirlwind, but it almost always ends up a depressing, disheartening situation. Mistresses are just like any other woman in the world. They don't necessarily need to be vilified.
This post has also been published by Michelle at PairedLife & The Pondering Nook
Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother

Dark Sir Daddy & Kitten Little Mistress T
I’m mistress Jane, I personally seek a slave t
Y o u ' l l n e v e r b e b o r e d a g a i n .

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1. “The truly upsetting thing about being the other woman is finding out that’s what you are when you thought the man you loved was single and you had a future together. For a year I was in a long-term relationship with a man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I only found out because his wife snuck his phone and saw our text messages and called me. I’d never felt so betrayed and used and I’ve had trouble trusting another man ever since.”
2. “It can be wonderful, really it can. The best sex I’ve ever had was with a man fifteen years older than me with two kids and a wife of ten years. For me it was more of a FWB arrangement. For him I think it was just a way to escape from the drudgery of his life without completely destroying it. A warning though, this can only last so long. I saw him for two years and as time went on more and more of his home life crept into our relationship. After a while it became very much the drudgery for me that his home life was for him and I broke it off. It had become toxic because he was just bringing his family’s problems into my life instead of keeping them separate. I don’t know if his wife ever found out because I quit speaking to him when we split. I do still care about him though and I hope they’re happier together than they were.”
3. “I had an affair with a professor of mine when I was in grad school and I really don’t regret it. He was one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met and definitely the smartest. His wife was also a professor and at first I expected to somehow get in trouble but as time went on it became clear that she either didn’t care or was clueless. I hadn’t dated much in college and all the men I was in school with at the time just seemed very immature in comparison and the whole thing seemed sort of forbidden as well which was sort of sexy. I learned a lot about men and myself in that relationship and I think it made me a better person over all.”
4. “When I was seventeen I met a man in his 30s at a concert and we hit it off incredibly. He was hilarious and incredibly sexy. When the concert was ending he asked for my number and I figured why not. About a week later he gave me a call and we got together. I was still living at home at the time and told my parents I was going to meet friends. We went on dates and he never pushed me for sex. It was wonderful and he waited a month before he even tried to kiss me. At the time I felt like the whole thing was storybook romantic but one evening we were leaving a movie and we ran into a friend of his wife leaving the same movie with her husband. I remember he told them I was a just someone he’d sat next to in the movie and started chatting with and I thought ‘wait, what?’
After that I dragged it out of him that he was actually married and had a toddler at home. I stopped it right there and went back home crying. My mother asked me what was wrong and I told her that a boy I’d liked had been cruel to me which was mostly true. Thankfully I went off to college not long afterward but that was and still is the most heartbreaking thing that’s ever happened to me with a man. Guys, if you get married then don’t cheat, not just for your wife but for the other woman whose heart you might also break.”
5. “Most stories like this that I’ve heard are bad but my experience was universally positive. He was a man I worked with and we were very, very close friends. Our co-workers used to joke that I was his work wife and stuff like that. He was going through a very rough spot with his wife that had lasted well over a year and one weekend we were at a conference and ended up hooking up. There was never any illusion in my mind that he wanted to leave his wife because we talked all the time and I knew he loved her. I knew that he just needed affection that he hadn’t been getting for a long time.
We hooked up probably once a week for the next six months after that. Eventually his wife agreed to couple’s counseling and he told me that he felt this was his last chance to save the marriage so we stopped seeing each other in a sexual way and remained friends. He and his wife’s relationship got better and they’re now very happy. Most importantly to me, he is very happy. I don’t feel bad about it all. I actually think that I helped save their marriage.”
6. “When I was twenty I ended up sleeping with my boss for about six months who I knew was married. He’s still an executive at a very well known company. I wouldn’t say I did it just to get ahead at work although that was definitely part of it. I really liked the guy and he was completely unhappy with his marriage. His wife was materialistic and always wanting more money from him while, at the same time, complaining about how he was never home. Possibly the most clueless person I’d ever met. When she’d come in the office everyone would avoid her because of her entitled attitude. The only reason he didn’t divorce her is because he didn’t want to lose half of everything he’d worked for.
We had a casual, mostly sexual relationship and eventually he promoted me, outside his department of course, and things waned after that. It wasn’t a big deal to me then and I don’t regret it. His wife certainly didn’t get hurt and he and I had a good time.”
7. “In my mid-20s I found myself in a relationship with a man I knew was married but who predicated our entire relationship on the notion that he was going to leave her. TWO YEARS later he still found reason after reason to not even begin moving towards leaving his wife and I couldn’t take it anymore and put an end to it. I still get so mad about this because that was two years I could have been doing anything else with my personal life and I spent it on a man who was dishonest with me. On top of that I felt incredibly guilty for being with him and always had to tell myself that they were only legally married and that it was going to end soon. All of it was complete bullshit and I compromised myself over and over.
Ladies, if he’s married and promises you he’s leaving her then know that he probably won’t and you’re most likely just a distraction for him.”
8. “I’m still not sure if I was the ‘other woman’ or the girlfriend. I dated someone my freshman year of college who used to go home almost every weekend because he said his mother had some health issues and needed help around the house. That was fine and I definitely understood. The thing that started to get me wondering was that he never picked up the phone when I called when he was home. He would call me but he’d never pick up the phone. Early in Spring semester I called and a girl answered with a ‘who is this’ and I told her. Then he apparently came in the room and she handed him the phone and I told him to go fuck himself and hung up. I’m pretty sure she broke up with him seconds later.”
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Published: 11:42 BST, 28 June 2016 | Updated: 11:52 BST, 28 June 2016
Shocking footage has emerged of a Chinese woman beating her husband's alleged mistress in public with the help of her friends.
According to reports, the incident took place in Bozhou, east China's Anhui province.
In the video, the group of women can
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