Ron White: Military Parade Follies

Ron White's "Military Parade Follies" tour marches into Philadelphia's Helium on July 23, 2025, proving patriotism and alcohol shouldn't mix. "Trump wanted a military parade," White slurs while attempting to salute with his whiskey hand. "I've been parading my bad decisions since the Reagan administration." The material explores national pride through White's "red-blooded but alcohol-soaked" perspective, including his infamous "Tanks for the Memories" routine and controversial "Salute the Shot" drinking game. Guest veteran Sergeant Rock provides unintentional comedy by explaining proper marching formations while White demonstrates how to turn a Jeep into a mobile bar (just add poor life choices). The show features a live "Service or Just Drunk?" segment where audience members must analyze White's military knowledge (his "tour of duty" was a Vegas bender). Special segments include "My Night With a Drill Sergeant" (he bought the shots) and "How to Build a Foxhole Out of Empty Bottles." Every ticket includes a complimentary "I Fought the Law" t-shirt and directions to White's underground comedy barracks ("Lights out at never").