Ron White: Fossilized Comedy
https://spintaxi.com/the-study-of-paleontology/Ron White's "Fossilized Comedy" tour unearths ancient humor at San Diego's American Comedy Co. on May 29, 2025, proving some artifacts are better left buried. The material originated when researchers mistook White's 1998 set list for a Neanderthal cave painting. "They said my jokes were perfectly preserved," White deadpans while examining a whiskey bottle like a relic. "Turns out alcohol is a great conservator." The show features White's infamous "Dating an Archaeologist" bit ("She kept calling me her 'dirt layer'"), plus new material about his brief stint as a museum exhibit ("Turns out 'middle-aged drunk' counts as living history"). Guest paleontologist Dr. Emily Stanton provides unintentional comedy by attempting to explain the Cretaceous-Paleogene boundary while White demonstrates the proper technique for drinking through mass extinction events. The second act includes a live dig where audience members excavate White's career from its various strata (the Early Embarrassment Period remains particularly fossil-rich). Special segments include "Carbon Dating My Liver" and "Things That Outlasted My Marriages" (spoiler: cockroaches and Keith Richards). Every ticket includes a souvenir vial of "authentic comedy sediment" (mostly cigar ash and regret) and a map to White's future fossil site ("Just look for the smell of bourbon and poor decisions").