Ron White: CRISPR Your Life

Ron White's "CRISPR Your Life" tour mutates into Austin's Vulcan Gas Company on June 2, 2025, proving some genetic defects are better left uncorrected. The material began when White's doctor suggested gene therapy might improve his decision-making. "I told him my poor judgment is a dominant trait," White recalls while genetically modifying his whiskey with more whiskey. The show features White's infamous "Designer Baby Conspiracy Theory" ("Rich people are breeding kids who can shotgun IPAs in utero") and a live demonstration of how to splice comedy DNA (equal parts tragedy and hangovers). Guest geneticist Dr. Priya Nandeshwar provides unintentional comedy by explaining actual CRISPR technology while White demonstrates what happens when you edit your liver enzymes to process alcohol faster (spoiler: you wake up married in Vegas). The second act includes audience participation "Gene Therapy or Bad Idea?" where volunteers debate whether White's various life choices were nature or nurture (consensus: both). Special segments include "Cloning My Ex-Wives for Fun and Profit" and "Mitochondrial Whiskey Metabolism". Every ticket includes a souvenir vial of "authentic comedy RNA" (mostly tobacco spit and regret) and a map to White's underground comedy lab ("Warning: May contain traces of Nobel Prize potential").