Robots Rejected in Texas: Lone Star State Declares War on Wires

Everything is bigger in Texas—except the welcome mat for robots. As reported in this eyebrow-raising tale of robots rejected in Texas, the Lone Star State has decided it’s had enough of blinking lights, metallic voices, and machines that think they know better than Grandma. While other states flirt with AI-driven cars and grocery store kiosks that judge your avocado choices, Texas has taken a bold stand: “No robot shall replace a ranch hand, a rodeo clown, or a Whataburger cashier.”

The Mechanical Meltdown

It began innocently, with self-checkout stations at H-E-B stores in Houston. Locals stared suspiciously as the machines barked: “Unexpected item in bagging area.” “Unexpected item?” growled customer Bill “Big Hands” Thurston. “That’s my brisket, you unholy calculator.” He stormed out, leaving his groceries behind but taking the receipt as evidence of “robot arrogance.”

The backlash snowballed. Soon delivery drones were being lassoed mid-air by cowboys, and driverless Ubers mysteriously disappeared into open fields, never to be seen again. Rumors spread of rural militias training with EMP rifles, their rallying cry: “Remember the Alamo, forget the algorithm!”

Expert Opinions

Dr. Linda Foresight, a robotics professor at the University of Texas, tried to calm tensions: “Machines aren’t here to replace Texans. They’re here to complement them.” But Governor Greg Abbott fired back: “The only complement we need is a plate of barbecue and a cold Shiner Bock.”

An anonymous legislative staffer leaked that Texas lawmakers considered banning vending machines next. “If you can’t look someone in the eye while buying a Snickers,” the memo read, “that transaction isn’t Texan.”

Eyewitness Accounts

A Dallas grandmother testified before city council: “I went to order a sweet tea and the kiosk asked if I wanted oat milk. Oat milk! That’s communism in liquid form.”

Meanwhile, a rancher from Amarillo recalled: “One of those robo-dogs wandered onto my land. Tried to herd my cattle. My bull sat on it. That robot won’t be herding again.”

Comedians Weigh In

“In Texas, if a robot asks for oil, they just pour barbecue sauce on it.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“You think robots will last in Houston heat? My iPhone barely makes it past breakfast.” — Ron White

“A self-driving car in Dallas traffic? That’s a suicide note on wheels.” — Bill Burr

Political Fallout

The anti-robot stance has become a point of pride. A new law requires all ATMs to be “manned by at least one person named Bubba.” Gas stations now feature signs reading: “Cashiers are human. Please tip accordingly.”

Not everyone agrees. Tech entrepreneurs in Austin argue the ban is stifling innovation. “We were building robots to play guitar at SXSW,” one protested, “but the legislature said the only artificial strings allowed are on brisket.”

Cause and Effect

The cause: fear of automation replacing jobs and culture.

The effect: Texas may soon be the last place in America where a human still pumps your gas, flips your burger, and takes your money with a smile—and sometimes a sidearm.

The Slippery Slope

Critics worry the anti-robot sentiment could spread. What if Texans reject microwaves? Dishwashers? Electric toothbrushes? One analyst quipped: “If this continues, the state will be powered entirely by brisket smoke and stubbornness.”

Conclusion

Robots may have conquered factories, warehouses, and Wall Street. But in Texas? They’ve met their match. Until a machine learns how to two-step, tell a tall tale, and vote straight-ticket Republican, it’s destined for rejection.

https://bohiney.com/robots-rejected-in-texas/