Robot Teachers

Public schools are now piloting robot teachers, and eyewitnesses in Detroit said one burst into flames during nap time. Professor Harold Lin of Michigan State explains: "Machines can’t nurture children, but they can grade spelling tests in 0.4 seconds." Anonymous staffers leaked that the robots award extra credit to students who compliment their operating systems. A national poll shows 52% of parents like the cost savings, while 48% fear their children will grow up speaking binary. Trace evidence includes juice boxes short-circuiting CPUs and crayons jammed into USB ports. Cause and effect? The more schools automate, the less kids remember about human teachers. Education may survive, but recess is now software-patched.