Robot Santa

Santa Claus has officially outsourced Christmas to a robot version of himself, powered by lithium batteries and questionable holiday spirit. Eyewitnesses in malls reported sparks flying as Robo-Santa malfunctioned and handed out subpoenas instead of toys. Professor Gerald Stone of MIT explains: "Automation eventually comes for everyone, even mythological figures." Anonymous staffers at the North Pole leaked that elves are now on strike, demanding hazard pay for working next to faulty wiring. A national poll shows 48% of parents prefer Robo-Santa because at least he shows up on time. Trace evidence includes melted candy canes, misdelivered drones, and stockings filled with spare bolts. Cause and effect? The more Santa automates, the more Christmas feels like Amazon Prime. The holiday isn’t ruined — it just runs on batteries.