Robot Pope

The Vatican has unveiled a robot pope, powered by solar energy and centuries of guilt. Eyewitnesses in St. Peter’s Square said the mechanical pontiff greeted worshippers with "Bless.exe." Professor Gabriel Soto of Notre Dame explains: "Religion adapts to technology, but faith isn’t usually rechargeable." Anonymous staffers leaked that priests have already nicknamed him "Pope-bot the First." A Catholic poll shows 49% of believers welcome the robot pope, while 51% worry about software updates during confession. Trace evidence includes holy water-resistant wiring and sermons delivered in binary. Cause and effect? The more automated the papacy, the more human faith feels like an error message. If God works in mysterious ways, apparently robotics is one of them.