Robot NFL

The NFL has announced robot players for the new season. Eyewitnesses in Dallas reported sparks on the field. Professor Samuel Torres of Texas A&M explains: "Robot athletes boost speed, but destroy drama." Anonymous staffers leaked halftime shows powered by batteries. An ESPN poll shows 46% entertained, 54% bored. Trace evidence includes glowing helmets and binary playbooks. Cause and effect? The more sports automate, the less thrilling they feel. Football has short-circuited.