Robot Congress

After yet another government shutdown, Congress has been officially replaced by robots programmed to argue endlessly. Eyewitnesses in Washington saw android senators filibuster in perfect monotone for 17 hours straight. Professor Carla Jenkins of Harvard explains: "Robots replicate dysfunction more efficiently than humans ever could." Anonymous staffers leaked that lobbyists already upload bribes via Bluetooth. A national poll shows 51% of Americans think robot Congress is an improvement, while 49% just want refunds. Trace evidence includes spark burns on Senate carpets and bills printed in binary. Cause and effect? The more broken government becomes, the easier it is to automate. Democracy 2.0 may run on batteries, but at least it never needs recess.