Risky Sex With His Sister

Risky Sex With His Sister
Should I worry about my son's claim that his older brother performed sexual acts on him?

On three occasions, my son has claimed that his older half-brother has performed sexual acts on him. The first was "putting his penis in my butt". Then he said "he put his hand on his penis." Tonight, he said he unzipped his brother's pants and then he simulated fellatio to show me what he did next. These all came after periods where the boys were alone together. My son quickly recants his stories when I continue to inquire. Should I be concerned or is this an extension of his imagination and general interest in body parts?
When a child discloses that he has been touched sexually, it is important to believe what he says. A child, while often imaginative, cannot make up stories that include specific adult like sexual behaviors without having some exposure to the behaviors. Your son’s disclosure does indicate a warning sign that he is at risk for sexual abuse or is being sexually abused.
Do Children Recant Disclosures of Sexual Abuse? It is common that a child will recant his story. When a child feels like the adult he loves and trusts could be becoming upset, worried, angry or even sad by the information he is sharing, he may try to back out of his story to protect the adult. Additionally, he could be afraid of getting in trouble or even of getting the person abusing him in trouble. I’d like to recommend that you read our information on when a child tells about sexual abuse from our Online Help Center.
Noting Warning Signs I am also wondering if there have been any other warning signs that the older boy has shown indicating a risk to sexually offend other children. Perhaps sharing any other observation you or others have noted that indicate that there is a risk would help in your conversations. Both boys deserve to feel safe and supported. I would add that it would be important to explore the older boy’s possible exposure to these sexual behaviors and explore his risks for being abused as well.
Planning for Safety You don’t mention your son’s half-brother’s age or whether there are other adults concerned, but it is important to make sure that all the adults who are responsible for the safety of these two boys be involved in discussions of safety and protective actions. If these conversations can focus on the need for helping both boys and keeping all children safe rather than creating a sense of blame, then all the adults involved may be able to work together to address both boy’s needs.
It is very important that a safety plan be implemented to help protect both boys. All adults involved should be aware of the safety plan and it should include strict supervision whenever the boys are together. They should never be left alone. In fact, while your family is deciding on how to proceed, I would recommend that your son’s brother be supervised in all his interactions with all children. Our prevention tool, Create your family safety plan will help you further design a safety plan for your family.
Professional Help and Filing a Report The adults involved may want to explore seeking out professional counseling for the children. I do want to let you that a therapist may be required to make a report of child sexual abuse depending on the age of the older boy and your state’s mandates. When contacting a therapist, this could be a question asked in the intake process.
Regardless, you may want to file a report as well. I recognize that this may sound like another difficult step but reporting often helps families get the supports they need and helps get the professional resources in place to help the children involved. Additionally, your son’s disclosure could be reported by another adult and it would serve your family well to initiate both reporting and seeking treatment.
Please read our information on filing reports, and ChildHelp (link is external) (1.800.422.4453) can further help you to find out where to file in your community. If you or other adults are interested in finding professional counseling, please refer to our specialized treatment resources , for both children who have been abused as well as for youth at risk to offend or who have offended . You can also talk with your pediatrician or insurance carrier for treatment referrals.
I realize that this probably a lot of information that is very concerning. This is a very complex issue and please feel free to call us to have a more in-depth conversation. But you should know that your family can be just fine, and with prompt and compassionate responses, both boys can enjoy healthy and happy childhoods.
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The Lord made only two people, so the only people available for Adam and Eve’s sons to marry were their own sisters. Consequently, although this is not stated, the only logical conclusion is that Cain married his sister and they had children together.

Candice Lucey

Contributing Writer

2019
7 Aug

Christianity /
Wiki
/
Bible
/
Did Cain Marry His Sister?

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After the world was formed, God finished His work of creation by raising one man from the dust and one woman from the man’s ribs. ( Genesis 2:21-22 ) The Lord made only two people, so the only people available for Adam and Eve’s sons to marry were their own sisters. Consequently, although this is not stated, the only logical conclusion is that Cain married his sister and they had children together.

By modern legal definition, Cain would have had to commit incest with one of his sisters in order to create offspring because he had no other choice. “If the entire human race came from an original pair then this was unavoidable,” according to Don Stewart .

By biblical standards,however, Cain was not breaking any laws because these did not exist at the time. God formed woman from the rib of man so that “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” ( Genesis 2:24 ). In other words, children and parents are not to have sexual relations with or marry each other; yet, no actual laws about incest were given in the unspoiled world of Eden before the Fall, or even before the Exodus.

After the Exodus, God commanded “none of you shall approach any one of his close relatives to uncover nakedness” ( Leviticus 18:6 ). But Cain was not subject to that law. “The regulations of the Law of Moses were binding only upon those to whom it was given at the time,” according to the Christian Courier .

Even so, “God has never approved of indiscriminate sexual activity outside of the marriage relationship in any age of human history” including incest because “it strikes at the soundness of the family. And since the family is central to God’s purposes and work on earth, his judgment on this practice is fierce” as stated in the Christian Courier .

God also forbade incest to prevent genetic deformities which are less common in the general population, where intermarriage is not typical. Let’s explore these two points.

Don Stewart explains “the commandment against [incest] strengthened the structure of the family unit.” One way to understand what he means is to examine what happens to victims and witnesses of incest.

In the case of consensual incest, there is a possibility that one or both parties are acting out the negative effects of previous sexual abuse suffered personally or witnessed as a child. These individuals are “at an increased risk for revictimization,” often unconsciously, according to the website , and for them, the “line between involuntary and voluntary participation in sexual behavior is blurred.”

Whether sexual sin is involved or not, creating a strong and safe family unit becomes much harder in the wake of incest.

An example of the negative impact of incest can be found as early as Genesis 19 with Lot’s daughters. They grew up in Sodom and Gomorrah , cities associated with “ sexual immorality and ‘unnatural lust,’” according to Britannica . Sexual depravity was so openly displayed that it is reasonable to imagine Lot’s daughters witnessed incest.

Genesis 19:13 says God sent angels to destroy the cities because “the outcry to the LORD against its people [was] so great.” After Lot’s family fled God’s destruction, his wife was turned into a pillar of salt as she looked back on the burning cities, and Lot found a cave for his daughters and him to rest in. The girls got their father drunk and had sex with him ( Genesis 19:33-35 ). Although there was no written commandment against incest at this time, Jews knew that sexual union with one’s parent was not part of God’s plan for procreation ( Genesis 2:24 ).

The psychological impact on witnesses of sexual sin could help us to understand why Lot’s daughters behaved as they did. Furthermore, they were offered as potential victims of abuse by their father in place of the angels who had visited his home ( Genesis 19:8 ). As currency for exchange in this transaction, could the girls have questioned their value, their identity, and the unity between husband and wife which sex was intended to foster? These girls emerged from a culture of depravity which influenced their behavior in the cave.

The girls were witnesses, then potential victims, and finally perpetrators of incest which led to the births of two sons whose futures embodied the destruction of family caused by sexual crime. The sons these sisters bore would start two tribes related to but frequently in conflict with Israel: the Moabites and Ammonites.

The original intention of family was to “reflect God's character” but more than that: “it provides a safe place where children can experience God's love (through their parents) and learn how to love other people,” Focus on the Family stated. No family is perfect, but incest destroys and distorts God’s purpose for family. The biblical example above demonstrates the potential for long-term consequences.

The more insular a community is, the more prevalent certain diseases will be. Scientists report that “many unique genetic disorders [] result” when communities begin or persist with “small founding populations and cultural isolation,” according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information .

While genetic mutation is not specifically mentioned in Mosaic law, only references to being “unclean” or “defiled” ( Leviticus 18:24 ), Don Stewart asserts that God did not permit intermarriage among his chosen people to lessen the likelihood of genetic issues. “The future health of the nation Israel was insured by this commandment,” Stewart wrote.

From the evidence above, one might conclude that God’s plan was flawed from the start. If Cain and his sister had children together, they would have passed on genetic mutations leading to birth defects and a host of diseases. Such a conclusion, however, overlooks the fact that “when God created the world, […] it was very good” and without sin, according to Matt Slick . “There was no suffering. And, there was no pain. It was not until Adam and Eve freely chose to rebel against God, that pain and suffering entered into the world,” he said. Part of that pain and suffering includes disease and deformity.

Inter-family procreation is likely to cause genetic deformities today. In the beginning, however, “there would not be the usual genetic defects arising from intermarriage” because “Adam and Eve were created perfect with a perfect gene pool,” Slick said. Only later would families see the genetic results of intermarriage inter-family procreation.

God has made a convincing case against incest and demonstrated that incest is both a cause of and a result of disobedience and pain. God Almighty always has a plan, however.

He redeemed the sin committed by Lot’s daughters. Ruth, as a Moabite, traced her genealogy back to Lot and his daughters in the cave in Genesis 19 . Jesus’ traced his lineage back to Ruth through the line of His adopted father, Joseph.

“God weaves his grace […] through the genealogies” and He “loves to produce something beautiful out of sordid family backgrounds,” Jon Bloom said.

Although God’s Word offers wisdom and direction in the matter of marriage and sexual behavior in order to protect His children, many people are living with genetic illness, the sin of having committed incest, or the shame of victimization. The bodies of believers will be made perfect in heaven forevermore, but even now, Jesus offers freedom. He can redeem confessed sin, bring peace and hope to a life thrown into chaos by illness, and help victims of sexual crime forgive those responsible and experience emotional freedom.

Biblical Archaeology Society , "Who Were the Ammonites, Moabites and Edomites in the Bible?" Megan Sauter, 2019.

Blue Letter Bible , "Where Did Cain Get His Wife?" Don Stewart.

Candice Lucey lives with her husband and daughters in (mostly) tranquil Salmon Arm, BC, Canada. Here, she enjoys digging into God’s word when not working or taking part in ministry activities. Her prose and poetry has previously appeared in such publications as Purpose and Creation Illustrated , and her short plays were performed at Christmas by Sunday School students for several years. Catch up with Candice’s scriptural studies at her blog Wordwell.ca .

Photo Credit: Pexels/Marcelo Chagas

I'm worried about my boyfriend's behavior with my daughter.

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost 8 years. I am pregnant with our 2nd child and I have 3 children from a previous relationship. My oldest daughter just turned 15. She has always been a handful, but now that she is more mature, her behavior and attitude towards me is pretty bad and she acts like she hates me and is upset with me for something but won’t talk about it. It has changed, but previously both her and my boyfriend hated each other. For the most part when he would come to visit (we have never lived together), he would completely ignore her presence and acted like she didn't exist. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to avoid any arguing with her as she was very disrespectful and is easily angered. Now things are different. She and him play around and joke a lot together.
Their jokes are often at my expense and sometimes I feel attacked by them. For example, she'll imply that I'm fat and he'll imply that I'm ugly or something like that. One time he was leaving to pick up some fast food and she wanted to go with him. I didn't think anything of it and said yes. They were gone for over an hour and when I called him several times he did not answer his phone and the restaurant is 2 miles from my house. He defended it and said that it took really long to get the food but I do not believe it.
Shortly after this incident, I walked into her room and caught her masturbating, although she denied it. Another day, early in the morning I got out of the shower because I forgot something and when I came into my bedroom, he was not there. I looked around the house, including in my daughter’s room, and didn't see him anywhere. But when I asked him where he was, his answer didn’t make sense - he said he was in the bedroom the whole time and I thought this was a red flag.
Also, he has talked about how he wanted to be with a "young girl" and that I was too old. I was 30 at the time and he was 28. He spoke about how young girls are easier to control and that "they will do anything." This was concerning and I confronted him about it. I asked him if he was a pedophile and he denied it.
If it came down to it, he will never admit anything to me. He doesn't tell me anything and I feel there's so much to him that I don't know. I have confronted him and he denies ever doing anything to her. I asked her as well and she gets annoyed (typical teenager) and doesn't say much. She just says that nothing ever happened.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having concerns about the sexual safety of your eldest daughter around your boyfriend. Questioning a close adult’s behaviors is not easy, but is a vital step to preventing abuse. I'm so glad you've reached out to us for more information and guidance.
Recognizing Warning Signs When you see something that makes you have that “gut feeling,” it’s so important that you dig a little deeper and not ignore what you’re noticing, as you're doing. Though sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether what you’re seeing is a Warning Signs in Children of Possible Sexual Abuse with older teenagers, check-in with other places where she spends time – like school, other relatives, and with the parents of her close friends. And although masturbation is normal and healthy at this age, it sounds like you have many other reasons that make you wonder what is going on with her.
Your concerns about your boyfriend's behaviors and comments are valid, and you’ll want to take a look at these Behaviors To Watch For When Adults Are With Children and these Signs An Adult Is At-Risk To Harm A Child . And think, do you have other folks that share in your concerns like a friend or relative? You may want to share these tip sheets even. Looking over these warning signs sometimes helps a person put a finger on something they felt before but couldn’t put into words.
Identifying Harmful Patterns I also want to point out the unsafe dynamic you describe – when someone belittles you or calls you names to degrade you or lower your self-esteem – is emotional abuse. That is very worrisome that your boyfriend is now encouraging this same type of behavior in your daughter too. And, it sounds like the way he responded to you (by saying he was in the room the whole time when you couldn't find him) was gaslighting. Though you don’t describe physical violence, emotional abuse is still domestic violence, and you may still want to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (link is external) ( 1.800.799.7233 ) to talk more about the life you share with your partner.
Having a Conversation It sounds like you’ve had a conversation with your boyfriend, and it’s possible you may want to do so again – but I want to stress –only if it feels safe to have this talk and if there is someone else close to him or the both of you, maybe include that person as well. What you say doesn’t have to be accusatory or judgmental (or even confrontational), but it would be helpful to clearly state what behaviors you are seeing that are concerning and wait for him to respond; then draw the line on appropriate behavior. Children take cues from the important adults in their lives, and the way he talks to and behaves with your children will teach them what to expect from others and ho
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