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Austin, TX
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Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
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San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
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Find a Support Group
Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
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Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted April 27, 2010
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Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
When I launched my website, I expected people to find it by searching "sex after 40," "sex and menopause ," "erectile dysfunction," "penis size," and "desire differences." Indeed, those are my top search terms. But a surprising number have found the site by using two search terms I never expected: "rimming" and "analingus." These both refer to oral-anal contact.
If you're repulsed by this, then by all means, don't play that way. But recent surveys suggest that 15 percent of American adults have experienced some form of anal sex— that's some 20 million people. I've found no statistics on the prevalence of rimming, however. If you know of any, please comment. Still, as web searches show, many lovers are curious about it, and often feel surprised by their interest. Among those who do try it, many enjoy it.
Heterosexuals typically stumble upon analingus during cunnilingus. The man's tongue slips further south than he intended, and both lovers realize they've crossed a line.
Analingus is a minority pleasure, but there's nothing abnormal about it. If you reflexively condemn it, remember that not too long ago, oral sex was considered a perversion and outlawed in many states.
Analingus feels erotic for the same reason that anal play in general might feel that way. The anus and surrounding tissue are richly endowed with nerves that are highly sensitive to erotic touch.
In addition, lovemaking draws much of its emotional power from intimacy , lovers' deep acceptance of each other. Analingus is a way for the rimmer to say: "I love all of you. No part of you turns me off." It's also a way for the rimmee to say: "I'm totally yours. No part of me is off limits to you." Such mutual acceptance can be a powerful turn-on.
Of course, rimming also involves a big fear , which is fecal contact. Not to worry, says sex therapist Jack Morin, Ph.D., author of Anal Pleasure and Health . Soap and water remove any traces of stool, so it's a good idea to shower together before trying analingus. For extra safety, the rimmee might also use an enema or two before washing.
For non-monogamous lovers, rimming carries another risk—infections. The digestive tract terminates at the anus. Digestive bacteria pass through it, notably E. coli , which may remain around the opening. If E. coli come in contact with a woman's genitals, she might develop a vaginal infection (vaginosis), or a urinary tract infection (UTI, cystitis, or bladder infection). Rimming might also transmit Shigella and Salmonella , which cause food poisoning, Giardia lamblia and amoebas, which cause diarrhea, and HIV, the cause of AIDS. Assess your risk, and don't rim anyone who has these infections. But Morin says that among healthy, monogamous lovers who practice good anal hygiene, the infection risk of analingus is "extremely low."
Some couples who accidentally discover analingus "accidentally" keep doing it without discussion. That's fine, but I recommend discussing it. If your honey objects, then that's that. No one should ever feel pressured into anything sexual . But if your lover shows any interest—even if it's couched in skepticism—you might discuss this post, and perhaps try rimming.
Even if the two of you decide not to try analingus, or you try it and then stop, your discussions should deepen your intimacy. You learn more about one another, and ultimately, I hope, feel closer.
Michael Castleman, M.A. , is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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What is rimming? Everything you ever wanted to know about anilingus
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“Eating arse”, “bum licking” or “tossing the salad”, are all names by which rimming or anilingus are known.
Oral-to-anal sex is loved by many. So many, in fact, that Google searches around the topic are through the roof – including those looking for the official definition of rimming or the top tips for giving a great ass job.
Search terms like “rimming vid” are also massively popular as people enjoy watching the act sometimes as much as performing it.
Lots of people still have questions about eating their partner’s bum, such as “how to clean my ass before sex” and “do women enjoy rimming?”
We’ve answered all the pressing questions below, dear reader. So scroll and enjoy. Oh, and probably don’t leave this open on your work web browser.
Rimming is the act of sexually stimulating someone’s anus by licking or sucking it.
It is popular among same-sex male couples but is practiced by people of all sexual orientations and genders.
As with all sexual acts, unless a controlled level of safe pain is intended, then rimming shouldn’t hurt.
Communication with your partner or partners is key in ensuring that everyone consents and is comfortable in any sexual situation and that everyone gets the maximum pleasure possible from eating ass or having their ass eaten.
Particularly with anal play, and the first time or times trying it out, taking it slow and saying what you like and/or are uncomfortable with is very important. The bum is a sensitive area with lots of nerve endings and should be treated with care.
This is very much up to you, what you are into and what your partner likes. It is usual to use the lips and tongue to stimulate the outside of the anus, and surrounding area.
Taking it one step at a time, you can gauge what your partner likes and doesn’t like, alternating from gently stimulating the outer arse before moving slightly further inside to explore with your tongue.
Easier than trying to guess is talking – ask your partner if they like what you’re doing (if you’re the giver) or tell them if you particularly like or don’t like a sensation you’re feeling. This will mean you both get the most out of your new hobby.
The rimming technique depends on the person, how tight and sensitive their bum might be and what they might be into.
The key here is for both parties to be as relaxed as possible and feel as confident in their position as they can.
Position, giving the rimmer access to the rim-ee’s butt, is pretty important here. The receiver could lie on their front, cheeks spread, or kneel up, allowing them a little control if things get a bit too intense while allowing the giver to have clear access to the opening.
Try out different techniques – different levels of rimming intensity, alternate between depths of penetration using the tongue and gauge what your partner likes through the sounds they make and what they say.
That said , and especially if you are new to rimming, it is advisable not to go straight in for the ahem kill, as it were. Working around your partner’s hole is a good starting point, and being gentle. Not only will this allow you to gauge what they want, but will feel great for the receiver. Then if you want to use your tongue to stimulate further inside, they will be more relaxed and you will be able to tell how they like to have their ass eaten.
There are various steps to ensure you’re clean and ready to go when it comes to rimming.
You can take extra steps to not only clean yourself for your partner but to ensure that you are confident enough to lay back and enjoy your rimming experience with full confidence that you smell and taste great.
Showering: Probably not necessary to point out, but giving yourself a good scrub on and around the anus area will make sure you smell beautiful as well as taste great.
It is best not to use strong smelling soaps around the bum anyway to avoid irritation and other issues, but also avoid using potent-smelling sprays or oils after you get out. You don’t want your partner to have to taste your cologne when they go down on you, even if it does make you smell great.
Douching : It goes without saying that germs and dirt can be spread during oral-to-anal play. Thorough cleaning outside is one thing, but if you are going for some heavy anal play, particularly rimming, it is probably advisable to douche first. But lots of people don’t know how to douche.
Douching involves using water to flush out the lowest part of the colon, getting rid of any poo particles that might be hanging out there, to ensure there are no nasty surprises.
Shower or toilet attachment douches are available on sites like Amazon, and you can get portable versions which are refillable from the tap and have a small nozzle to let you clean yourself wherever you are.
You may be fine without douching as rimming only stimulates the very inside of the anal opening, but if you are going on to other anal play, it is recommended, and in order to feel squeaky clean for your partner to eat your ass, it might be worthwhile if you are just sticking to rimming.
Shaving: This is a tricky one – you may be into shaving your anus anyway, in which case it might be more pleasant for your partner, if that’s how they like it.
If you or your partner has a preference when it comes to shaving, that’s fine! The only things to bear in mind are – if there is hair there, to make sure it is extra clean, and if there is not that the receiver doesn’t shave too close which can cause bumps and nicks – either of these could leave either partner prone to germs and possibly infection. Perhaps trimming rather than shaving might be a happy compromise.
Flavoured lubes: While you have to face up to the fact that you are putting your mouth to someone else’s butthole, flavoured lubes can detract from that fact a little if you are a bit squeamish. While they usually taste a bit chemically, they might help you relax if you are giving someone anilingus for the first time.
This all depends on your preferences and your own.
Ask! Talking to your partner(s) or potential partner(s) is the most important thing. Some people will be into having their starfish eaten out but others will not be up for rimming.
A conversation about wanting to try mouth-to-ass play is really the only way you will be able to tell if a regular partner or hook-up will want to indulge in the act, and will set any boundaries if needed.
But this is really nothing to be ashamed of and you should feel comfortable enough to bring it up if you and a partner have never tried rimming before – it’ll also help you to feel relaxed when it comes down to doing the deed.
Eating an ass can be a very pleasurable experience both for giver and receiver.
But as with any sex act, it doesn’t come without some risks including increased risk of Hepatitis A transmission, as well as the usual, gonorrhoea, chlamydia, warts, etc. Getting regularly tested and being treated when you do have an STI is advisable, as for anyone who is sexually active.
Of course, using your mouth to stimulate a partner’s anal opening comes with extra risks of transmitting germs, and has been linked to heightened risks of giardia and other illnesses. But despite this, it is a fairly common sexual practice, and with good hygiene can be enjoyed without much worry.
Over-douching can also cause small cuts in the anal opening and could increase risks, so cleaning properly, but not over doing it is advisable.
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You can use a dental dam as a barrier which will protect against some STIs. It is a small square of latex (latex free versions available) which you can use as a barrier between your mouth and their bum to reduce the risk of some STIs.
If you can’t find dental dams, you can cut a condom lengthways in order to make your own, and if you are still unsure, you can speak to a health adviser at your local sexual health clinic for advice.
But the most important thing is to enjoy yourself – you have embarked on this exciting mouth-to-anal adventure – and you should relax, embrace it, and enjoy it more than anything.
In the words of Alaska: “Anusthing is possible!”
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