Rimjob
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Rimjob
By Lindsay Geller and Gabrielle Kassel Published: Jan 13, 2022
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Lindsay Geller is the Love & Life Editor at Women’s Health, specializing in entertainment news and culture coverage. With more than 6 years of professional writing and editing experience, she’s reported on everything from the latest dating trends to the impact of confirmation bias on mental health.
Gabrielle Kassel is a New York-based sex and wellness writer and CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. She's become a morning person, tested over 200 vibrators, and worn her vaginal ~essence~ as perfume— all in the name of journalism. In addition to Cosmopolitan, her work has appeared on Well & Good, Health, Shape, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more. In her free time, Gabrielle can be found reading romance novels, bench-pressing, or yep, pole dancing. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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"Rimming" may sound like a neat skateboard trick. And "toss the salad" may sound like a simple cooking instruction. But actually, both are euphemisms for a sex act that can bring big time pleasure: analingus.
And though people are more open to talking about it now, butt play isn't anything new. It's been a thing long before Nicki Minaj was rapping about oral-anal in "Anaconda," or Desi made love to Marni’s bum with his tongue in Girls.
Still, it wasn’t until peach play entered the cultural zeitgeist that rimming started to get the attention it deserves. But here’s the thing: A sex act as pleasurable as analingus could always get more attention (and experimenters), since rimming can be pleasurable to receive and/or give.
"As a stand-alone act, receiving rimming can be just as or more pleasurable than any other kind of anal sex," says Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations . "Giving anal-oral can also be hot because you’re turning someone on, doing a service act for them, and it's super naughty."
Intrigued? Ahead, renowned sexologists and educators share all the intel on exactly what rimming entails. (Just be warned: You’ll be aching to bend over or bend someone over after reading about it.)
Rimming is the colloquial term for the act of licking in and around the (ahem) rim of another person's asshole. Also known as analingus, it's oral sex performed on a butt, explains Queen.
"Rimming often involves circling the entrance of the ass," she says. But just as is true with oral on vulvas and penises, there are lots of options for oral-anal play, she explains. "Tongue penetration can be part of it, too," she says.
"It's definitely a legitimate source of sexual pleasure for many people," says Kimberly McBride , PhD, Associate Professor of Public Health at the University of Toledo, who's extensively researched anal sex. In fact, she encourages people not to "shy away from that kind of an exploration because it can be very pleasurable."
Why does it feel so good, exactly? "There are a lot of erotic nerve endings in the anus, so people can really find themselves having a different, better orgasm from rimming," explains Joe Kort , PhD, a certified sex therapist in Royal Oak, Michigan. Plus, you can even get more aroused than usual since the area's typically unexplored, he adds.
Oh and btw, it's totally possible to orgasm from analingus without penetrative sex , according to both Kort and McBride. But even if a ride to rim town doesn’t bring you a Big O, incorporating it into your sexual repertoire can still enhance the overall experience. According to McBride, rimming can lead to more intense vaginal orgasm . Noted!
For some pleasure-seekers, rimming can be psychologically arousing, too, because despite the fact that Nicki has rapped about it, bum play, in a sense, still remains taboo. And taboos can be sexy because they activate the ~forbidden~ part of our brains, McBride explains.
Here's exactly how to give (and receive) a rim job.
Surprise parties can be fun. But a surprise peach parting? Nope! Consent is essential to giving a rim job—and, obviously, receiving one, too.
Your bedroom beau isn't a mind reader, which is why if you're interested in rimming, McBride recommends introducing the idea of "tossing the salad" when you’re fully clothed. "It's always better to talk about a new sexual act in a non-sexualized moment," she explains. (It feels less intimidating that way.)
In fact, McBride recommends having this discussion well in advance of getting naked, so your partner has enough time and space to decide whether or not they want to add rimming to the menu.
Once you've found the right moment, it's all up to you on how you approach the topic . According to McBride, coming right out and asking to receive or give a rim job is on the table. For example, you can say "The thought of you eating my ass really turns me on. Does that have any interest to you?" Cheers to being a direct communicator!
But if that's not your style or comfort level, she suggests saying something a bit less, well, blunt. Try: "Oh, my friend was talking about this experience, and she really enjoyed it. It's something I might like to pursue." Or: "I saw an article about rimming. What do you think about trying it?" (I mean, it's the truth...)
The hard truth is that your partner may not want to hop on the peach-licking pony. For whatever reason, they may not have interest in oral-anal sex.
If you’re worried about being shot down (totally normal fear!), Kort recommends sharing that fear with your partner and asking them to withhold judgment until after you explain exactly why you're interested in trying something new.
"I never support a conversation stopping just because one person says that they don't want to do it," he explains. Instead, he suggests coming up with a mutually-desirable solution together. You might ask your partner, "How are we going to negotiate this in a way that respects both of our boundaries?"
You can ask them to explain W-H-Y they are not interested. For instance, "I respect your no, but if you’re open to it, I’d love to hear why you’re so against giving it a try." Or, "Are you comfortable if I ask a follow-up question or two about why?"
Because anal play of any kind isn’t really taught in sex ed., it’s common for people to be afraid of the unknown, or to have misconceptions about anal play being "dirty" or "painful." (FTR: Anal sex shouldn’t be painful .)
If your partner is open to it, you could use this as an opportunity to educate them about the true pleasure potential of the peach. Just remember: No means no. So, the goal here is *not* to get your partner to eventually cave in to your desires (rimming), Kort says. "The goal is to allow you to share your sexual interests with your partner."
If they're not down with rim jobs, the good news is that there are options! They might be okay with watching an erotic movie that features rimming, for example, or talking through a rimming fantasy together.
Or, maybe they’re down to circle your entrance with a ton of silicone lube and their finger. The sensation is similar to rimming, according to Queen. Or, maybe they’re down to let you explore that interest with someone else. You and your partner should communicate your boundaries to one another.
Sadly, anal play is still shrouded in a whole lot of myths and misconceptions. The most pervasive one? That anal play will bring you face-to-face with dung.
Here’s the thing: Assuming the receiver didn’t do a half-ass (heh) wipe job, the risk of coming into contact with poop during analingus is small. Poop, after all, isn’t stored in the anal canal—it simply passes from the colon through the anal canal on the way out of your body, explains Queen.
Still, at the end of the day...a butt's a butt. And considering you've probably spent plenty of QT with your own, you know what it does. So if you're worried about cleanliness or smell, McBride and Kort recommend showering ahead of time. Or to get in the ~mood~, shower together.
While you're there, why not warm up with these tried-and-true shower sex positions?
However you decide to suds up, McBride advises "washing gently with warm water and soap." She also recommends staying far away from any cleansers that are too astringent. They can make your anus more prone to cracking (think: chapped lips) "because some cleansers can actually draw moisture away from the anus and make the tissue more prone to contracting STIs," explains McBride.
Look for body wash or bars labeled "fragrance free" since traditional soaps (meaning the ingredient, not an actual bar of soap) fall into that heavily astringent category.
Don’t hate the messenger, but just like most other sex acts, rimming can transmit sexually transmitted infections.
"Oral transmission of bacterial (e.g. gonorrhea and chlamydia) and viral (e.g. HIV and HPV) STIs can and does happen," explains McBride."If you add other factors, such as the use of certain lubricants, a lowered immune system, microtrauma to the skin or mucous membranes, or an existing STI, the chances increase."
STIs aside, because the risk of poop is higher during oral-anal than during sex acts that don’t involve the butt (duh), the risk of other kinds of infections is higher. Ingesting poop particles—even imperceptible poop particles—can transmit bacteria like e. Coli and shigella , as well as intestinal parasites like giardia . Blegh .
To make things less risky, McBride recommends using a dental dam. ICYDK, dental dams are a thin square, typically made of latex, that you put over the genitalia, tush included. (Polyurethane ones are also available if you're allergic to latex.)
In a pinch? You can also DIY a dental dam by cutting the bottom and top off of an external condom and then cutting it lengthwise to create a square shape, she says.
Pro tip: Rub some water-based lube on and around the anus before covering it with the dam to enhance pleasure, says McBride.
Apparently, giving a rim job is kind of like getting fluoride at the dentist (emphasis on "kind of"). In other words, you don't want to brush your teeth for two hours before or after rimming, according to McBride.
"If you get tiny microtears in your mouth from brushing, that can facilitate STI transmission," she explains, as tears give an entryway to infected cells. (The same applies for regular oral sex , too, btw.)
Sex is like fall in that it’s a time when layers reign supreme. "Layering sensations during play is an awesome way to increase the pleasure for the receiver," says Queen.
There are unlimited ways to add in new and different sensations, including (but not limited to!) nipple clamps , vaginal plugs, hands-free strokers, ball-gags, vaginal fingering, and more.
Queen’s recommendation? Have the receiver touch their front genitals while their partner engages in a lick-a-thon. "More people should touch themselves while being anally stimulated," she says. "It can be extremely erotic and pleasurable, and can help the person being rimmed have an orgasm, if that’s something they want to do."
An on-all-fours position works best for this. But a lifted missionary configuration will suffice, too.
Indeed, adding in a little front genitals is all fun and games (read: orgasm). But word to the wise: Avoid licking back-to-front. If you're a vagina owner, you (hopefully) already know the daily dangers of wiping back to front. In case you don't: UTIs galore .
Welp, same goes for oral-anal contact if you're not using a dental dam. Going back-to-front (and vice-versa) can also transmit certain STIs from one location to another. Yepp. If someone has vaginal gonorrhea, for instance, licking lengthwise from vulva-to-anus can introduce the infectious bacteria to the anal canal, too.
Not to mention: The giver could also get oral gonorrhea. Let this serve as your reminder that before you go cheek-to-cheek (hehe) with someone, it’s a good move to talk about your current STI status, as well what safer sex practices you want to incorporate.
Good news: There is no wrong way to give hiney-head! So long as it feels good to all pleasure-seekers involved, it’s kosher. Still, your first time going to analingus avenue can be intimidating.
Luckily, Kort has a few recs to help you along. First, he says, "The person who's getting the rim job should stay stationary, and the person giving it should experiment with how much they want to do, how little, and how deep they want their tongue to go in."
Both partners should embrace that experimentation—by constantly communicating with words (and sounds) about what feels good, says McBride. Plus, the more open you are, the hotter it'll be. Trust.
Try it and like it? Next time, Queen suggests adding in a sex toy. "Wearing a small butt plug while receiving rimming can feel really good." A butt plug can create a sustained feeling of fullness that feels *drool emoji*.
Even better, try a vibrating anal toy. "Vibration is delicious on the butt. It can be relaxing and exciting," she says. (Btw, there are plenty of safe anal vibes to explore.) Just be sure that if you put something in your butt, it has a flared base. A base will keep it from sliding all the way into the anal canal and up the digestive tract, she explains.
Oh, and "opt for a butt toy made of silicone," she says. "If it smells chemical-y, don't use it (at least not without a condom on it)." Noted.
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