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A point I work hard to deliver in my rope bottoming classes is that the bondage experience will be different for everyone and that this is okay. So many of us make judgements of self worth based on how much we can achieve compared to other rope bottoms.
There seems to be a growing expectation that to be an informed, empathetic rigger you must have experienced being tied up, usually in some kind of painful tie, for example a futumomo or some kind of single point suspension. Personally I think this has the potential to be quite damaging and can be very misleading.
If you are a rigger or switch who enjoys being in bondage and open to that experience, then that’s great, go forth and have happy times. For those riggers who are not that way inclined for whatever their reason, should not be put in a position where they only feel valid as a rigger if they have been tied up.
This is only my personal opinion and I respect that many people will disagree with me, I feel there are more informative ways of finding this understanding, empathy and validity as a rigger.
To summarise, I really feel that as a rigger it will be more beneficial to you using your technical knowledge to understand the pressures and restrictions of your bondage, discussing what that means to them, being aware and focused on your bottom and not only being open to communication but actively encouraging it.
With the increase and interest in rope bondage, we are seeing an increase in the amount of accidents and nerve damages. I think this is mostly because riggers are not tying well and not taking care or knowledge of placement on the individual they are tying. It is shocking the…
Before you evaluate your rigger you need to stop and evaluate yourself. You are what will keep you safe, ultimately you can only rely on yourself. Know your body’s limits. You do not have to be an experienced rope bottom to know this. When you are faced with your limits…
It seems those learning rope often want to rush straight to suspension, instead of taking the time to learn fundamentals, learn to read people or their partner in rope and acquire the skills to tie. Unfortunately missing the real point of rope in their aim to suspend as quick as…



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Plus tips on how to have safe, kinky sex.
Sophie Saint Thomas is a New York-based writer originally from the Caribbean. She is Allure ’s resident astrologer and the author of Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis for Self-Care (Adams Media), a guide to self-care and marijuana, and [*Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and... Read more
The term "fetish" may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions , but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples. ( Spanking , anyone?) What defines a fetish isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. "A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye .
While people often use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex, such as incorporating handcuffs or even balloons . Think of the differences this way: If someone's kink is bondage, they probably get incredibly excited when they're tied up. If someone has a bondage fetish , their entire sexuality may revolve around restraint. (There's also the category of turn-ons: things that simply arouse a person.) 
When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella. Renye adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role-play, impact play, and even age play.
Research suggests that perhaps half of us are interested in sexual activities outside the "norm," so if you're interested in trying any of the following, rest assured you're not alone. And of course, with any type of sex, acting on fetishes or kinks should always involve enthusiastic consent from all parties and safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms , to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. You never have to try anything that's not attractive to you, but please refrain from kink shaming others. Remember, we're trying to dismantle sexual shame . 
Ready to dive in? Here's a list of some of the most common fetishes and what they entail. 
Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. Spanking is often an easy and safe BDSM entry point that leads to exploring more, such as purchasing a crop to use with a partner. Impact play can range from a light slap on the bum to a crack of the whip.
As with any kink or fetish, it's important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. "Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink," says Renye. Do your homework before practicing impact play. Discuss the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choose a safe word to shut down the action on a dime if need be, and learn what parts of the body are safe to impact. Stick with the meatier areas, like the ass and thighs, and avoid less protected areas where organs live, like the lower back. 
You don't have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it's also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy and are aroused by doctors, you probably don't actually want your doctor to get sexy with you, because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home.
A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling. As professional dominatrix Goddess Aviva previously told Allure , it's an extremely common fetish. If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!)
You don't need to have an anal fetish to engage in anal sex, but plenty of people do specifically get off on butt stuff. Anal play can range from adding a finger in the ass during penetrative vaginal sex to using butt plugs to having anal sex with a penis or a dildo.
While anal sex can be safe and wonderful, there is some prep work involved. Since the butthole is not self-lubricating and harbors bacteria that can lead to infection if transferred to the vagina, it’s important to stock up on lube and read up on ass etiquette before engaging in anal play. That includes safer sex precautions such as condom use . Start small and go slow, using fingers, anal toys, and plenty of lube before moving up to larger objects such as dildos or a penis. 
Renye says that one of the most common fetishes centers on something that may be sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie . "[This] may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish (or two or three)," she says. Again, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it to be present in a sexual scenario in order to fully engage or get off. 
Group sex is getting it on with more than one person. If you've ever swiped on Tinder, you're likely aware that many couples are searching for a third, although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a " gang bang " typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender (while the term can have violent connotations, it's also used in the kink community to refer to consensual scenarios). 
Sensation play can refer to a huge range of activities based on the receiving or withholding of different stimuli. For instance, one partner may blindfold the other to deprive them of their sense of sight, a form of sensory deprivation, or they may drag an ice cube along their skin, a form of sensation play known as temperature play. 
Edging, in which the submissive partner is brought to the brink of climax and then forced to stop — often done repeatedly — is an example of orgasm control. The idea here is that for as long as you like, you let your partner take the reins and determine when and how you come. As with all of the activities here, anyone can engage in orgasm control regardless of their genitalia.
Bondage is when one partner restrains the other. You can bind your partner using objects you already have around, such as a belt, or purchase specialty kink items like handcuffs or hair accessories-turned-wrist ties. To engage in restraint play safely, establish boundaries and a safe word, emphasize consent and communication at every step, and start slow. 
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