Ridiculous Orgasms

Ridiculous Orgasms
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The Womanizer is one of the most unfortunate-looking sex toys I’ve ever come across, but also one of the most effective. This unique toy utilizes suction instead of vibration, and induces powerful orgasms in a shockingly short amount of time. In a sea of vibrators, here’s why the Womanizer stands out.
I’m not going to lie; the second I opened up the Womanizer, I laughed out loud. I know, I know, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But I can’t help myself! My “tattoo-style” model is decorated with a graphic of a barbed-wire-wrapped heart set amidst a field of flames and flowers, draped with a banner inscribed with the world “love.” It uncomfortably resembles a classic “Mom” tattoo. Other motif options include leopard prints and snake skin. The Womanizer has a large jeweled button that you use to adjust the power settings. The toy looks like it was designed by teenage girls in the ‘90s, to be sold at Claire’s. The shape resembles the ear thermometers pediatricians use. It’s just so bizarre.
The Womanizer comes with two removable suction tips. It’s made of ABS plastic, and is phthalate-free. It has six different levels of intensity. It’s USB rechargeable. It retails for $189 .
I recommend using this product on your fingertips first, so you can get a sense of how it works. Turn the Womanizer on, and try to get the suction tip flush against your thumb. It lightly “seals” into place. The noise of the motor disappears, letting you know it’s properly placed. The toy creates a gentle, pulsating, sucking motion.
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To use it on your genitals, use your fingers to spread your labia apart, then place the suction tip over your clitoris, enclosing it without touching it. It can take a few moments to adjust to the sensation, since it’s so different from a standard vibrator. You’ll want to fiddle with the intensity settings until you find one that you like. You’ll need to remain relatively still, since too much writhing around will dislodge the tip. Fortunately you don’t need to stay in this position for too long; in tests run by the company, over half of their research participants orgasmed in under a minute. Not every woman will come this quickly, but the Womanizer is definitely a smooth operator.
It’s probably obvious by now that my expectations for the Womanizer were very low. After about ninety seconds of use, this bedazzled ear thermometer had completely won me over. The suction sensation feels unassuming at first, but catches up with you real quick and pushes you over the edge into powerful, throbbing orgasms that feel remarkably different (and better) than vibration-induced orgasms. If you hold the Womanizer in place, this little workhorse will make you come over and over again with ease. It’s pretty awesome.
The Womanizer also offers a huge range of stimulation. The lowest level hardly feels like anything, and the highest feels like it could suck your clitoris straight off your body. All that variety means it can work well for a lot of women.
It’s good that the Womanizer makes you orgasm so quickly, because using it is a bit of a pain. You can only use it while lying on your back, which not all women will love. You can’t move much, because you’ll dislodge the suction tip. Some women need to maintain muscle tension in order to orgasm, but the body posture the Womanizer requires feels a little too robotic. It’s also not a toy that would be very easy to use with a partner, since it requires such stillness and precision. Additionally, the buttons are awkwardly placed, making it simultaneously difficult to change settings when you want to, and too easy to accidentally change them when you don’t.
My biggest issue with the Womanizer is the price. I’m a proponent of saving up for high-quality sex toys, but this is a particularly expensive product.
This is a small quibble, but I’m really not a fan of the name. The Womanizer is made by a German company, so perhaps there was something lost in translation? It’s just not a great name for a woman’s sex toy. It feels sleazy and almost invasive. And it got Britney Spears’ “ Womanizer ” stuck in my head for days, which sucked because that song is no “ I’m a Slave 4 U .”
I think this toy will appeal to a wide variety of women, simply because the sensation is so incredible and unique. If you’re a fan of your partner making a sucking movement during oral sex, the Womanizer will drive you crazy. If you don’t normally like vibrators, the suction sensation may win you over. If direct clitoral stimulation is usually too intense for you, you’ll appreciate the fact that there is none with the Womanizer, and you’ll likely enjoy the extremely delicate lowest setting.
This is also a fantastic product for women who have yet to have their first orgasm. As I mentioned above, if you haven’t responded well to vibrators in the past, the suction sensation might be just what you’re looking for. Plus, the Womanizer comes with a 30 day pleasure guarantee. If it doesn’t make you orgasm, they’ll fully refund your money. I’ve never heard of this kind of guarantee with another sex toy, and this makes it a very safe bet for women who have so far been frustrated by their attempts.
There’s no denying that the Womanizer is bizarre looking, but the product itself is good enough to overlook the strange aesthetic decisions. It is very expensive, which makes me a bit hesitant to give it my full seal of approval. If you haven’t had an orgasm, the orgasm guarantee makes this a worthwhile investment. If you’ve got some money to burn or a birthday to celebrate, go for it! You can buy it here .
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy. It’s her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom. Have questions about sex? You can reach her at vanessa.marin@lifehacker.com , or at VMTherapy.com.
Lifehacker: After Hours is a new blog aiming to improve your sex life. Follow us on Twitter here .

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8th: The century B.C. Homer wrote about Melampus, an Argonaut healer in Greek mythology who treated religious virgins for a type of madness. He blamed their troubles on a lack of orgasms and encouraged sex with strong young men. The women were quickly cured.
1653: The year a Dutch medical book instructed midwives to treat any hysterical patient using oils to "massage the genitalia with one finger inside...in this way the afflicted woman can be aroused to the paroxysm."
216: The years later that American doctor George Taylor invented the Manipulator, a steam-powered vibrator with a mechanism that took up an entire room.
1900: The estimated year the first manual vibrator was sold in the U.S. Users had to hand-crank it like an eggbeater.
2: The types of female orgasms according to psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. He called the one achieved through clitoral stimulation "adolescent" and the vaginal orgasm achieved through intercourse "mature."
75: The percentage of American men who ejaculate within two minutes during coitus, according to a 1948 study by sexologist Alfred Kinsey.
10,000: The average number of cycles of sexual response that researchers William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson observed in lab experiments from 1957 to 1965.
1990: The year the musician Sting told a reporter that his tantric-sex sessions with his now wife, Trudie Styler, could last seven hours before orgasm.
24: The years later that Sting explained on Inside the Actors Studio that his statement was something of an exaggeration, saying, "Seven hours would include dinner and a movie."
8,000: The average number of nerve endings in the clitoris, the only organ that exists solely for pleasure.
1989: The year the film When Harry Met Sally was released. In it, Sally (Meg Ryan) loudly fakes an orgasm in Katz's Delicatessen to prove that Harry (Billy Crystal) can't tell the difference between a fake one and a real one.
68: The percentage of women in a 2013 University of Kansas study who said they'd faked an orgasm.
3,458: The number of videos (and counting) submitted to the online experiment Beautiful Agony, a website where users submit videos of their faces during orgasm; the site posits that "eroticism in human imagery rests not in naked flesh and sexual illustration, but [in] engagement with the face."
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Now Reading 16 Striking Photos Of Female Orgasm
"The world of orgasm is physical, but it is also a world of fantasy, culture, history — and very much a world of the soul," photographer Linda Troeller and writer Marion Schneider write in their book Orgasm: Photographs & Interviews . Troeller and Schneider collaborated on Orgasm to explore that world, inviting 25 women — nine German, six American, three Dutch, three Israeli, two Colombian, one French, and one Portuguese — to share their personal relationships with orgasm.
In the book, the women reveal their first memories of experiencing orgasm and the fantasies they have around the event. They also reveal their orgasmic feelings to the camera, showing with their bodies and faces what orgasm means to them. "The chance to be in an intimate situation with a female photographer and a female writer offered safety and security for the interviewers," Troeller and Schneider write, "enhancing the probability that their statements would be a genuine and authentic revelation."
Indeed, the stories and images in Orgasm are as intimate and honest as any coverage of female climax we've seen. Ahead are photographs of 16 of the women featured in the book. Many participated in selecting and editing their own photos, ensuring that Orgasm captures the moments of ecstasy as faithfully as possible. The end result is a joyful, raw celebration of female pleasure.
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A sexpert has revealed the one position that is guaranteed to make a woman orgasm.
Men often worry when it comes to pleasing their partner — but it turns out that a basic move is all that’s required when it comes to reaching climax.
According to sexpert Annabelle Knight, a classic bedroom maneuver is the best when it comes to pleasure.
She told the Daily Star : “Missionary is often sneered at and seen as very vanilla but it’s one of the few positions that allows for thorough internal stimulation as well as external stimulation — without the need of any additional fingers or toys.”
The reason missionary is often best for the woman all comes down to the clitoral stimulation involved.
And it seems that British lovers agree that the classic “man-on-top” approach is a good one as it’s the nation’s second-most favored sex position — with around 21 percent of couples favoring it.
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