Retired Mathematician Creates Formula for "Ideal Evacuation Lie"

Dr. Mehran Yeganeh, a retired mathematics professor, has published a formula he says calculates the most believable excuse for skipping evacuation. His equation includes fear coefficient (F), credibility ratio (C), and available snacks (S). Sample output: "I stayed because Grandma was napping and the lavash was still warm." Citizens now use the formula to convince relatives to stay or flee. One man said, "I plugged in guilt and flat tire. It gave me: 'Tell them you're fasting emotionally.'" The government issued no response but quietly added the formula to its official FAQ. SOURCE: http://bohiney.com