Reluctant Cuck

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Reluctant Cuck

Ten Important Things That Surprised Me As Cuckoldress

Crystal Welch Portland, OR Join the mailing list for the latest research and ideas for alternative lifestyle choices.



I found my husband in an unusual way. After a long and failed marriage and divorce, for a time, I was 100% convinced I'd never marry again. My experience with traditional monogamous marriage was lonely, isolating, and devoid of all the things I wanted from it: companionship, sex, connection.  
I traveled around the world a few times while I rebuilt my life and my business. It was ten years before I seriously considered trying another partnership. But what kind of man would I work best with? Monogamy would never be a part of my life again. I would not hook myself up to a system again that expected me to just be alone when he can just as quickly lose interest, his erection, or his companionship.
So one day, I had the bright idea: I need a CUCKOLD man! A man who lived to please me and get pleasure himself from seeing me with others. How perfect is that? I did not have one idea what to expect, and I just thought I'd try. 
If I were sincere, I wasn't at all confident I'd find an AUTHENTIC cuck….having been with possessive men all my life. But, I did have a solid belief that was the best choice for me. 
I knew this would be an extraordinary adventure, but it held gifts I could have never imagined!!! Here are the ten things that REALLY surprised and delighted me.
The profound INTIMACY that we have found. We expected to be connected, but the level of intimacy we have reached due to being in this dynamic is electric! Full of love, respect, playfulness, and an other-worldly connection. It has produced the most loving, respectful, fun, connected relationship for both of us. Neither of us genuinely thought this was possible.
Finding the right bull/bulls is HARD. I've always been super picky in this arena but finding a quality bull is REALLY hard. Think about it: you have to have attraction, chemistry, communication, and a deep understanding of the bull responsibility and the proper way to relate to the cuck. I believe the vast majority of people get their ideas about the cuck lifestyle from porn. Porn in no way represents an accurate picture of how this should go. For us, we network with other people in the lifestyle and look for recommendations.
I've changed in ways I did not expect. I've always been a strong female and have been involved with FLR in the past. Possibly because of maturing or that in combination with Covid, casual hook-up sex is no longer interesting to me. I want a regular bull boyfriend full time. It's good to know what I want, and I'm good at being fully transparent with all new people, so nobody wastes time building something they don't want.
. There is an almost universal misunderstanding of what erotic humiliation is. I took a class from a pro-Domme a couple of years ago. Her explanation of erotic humiliation was golden. As she explained: this need for many cuck males have to be humiliated is one of the most misunderstood concepts in this lifestyle. Unlike bullying or deliberate cruelty, erotic humiliation is something completely different. It can be a healthy mechanism to release sexual shame and guilt.
I've met several Doms who thought their role was to demean and deride the cuck just because they were a cuck. As a result, I won't play with any bull unless we have a very detailed conversation about this, and usually until I get to know someone well, I do the humiliation.  
Think about how secure the cuck male has to be to subjugate himself not only to his woman but to another man who will have sex with her. The cuck is worth all the respect in the world. So then, how do we do erotic humiliation? 
 In my case, I saw that my husband (who is very alpha by day and all the pressures that come with that) had a tremendous need to "lay it all down" and let somebody else be in control. It's a vacation in his mind. The most effective humiliation and releases the most for him is my recognition that he carries a considerable amount of sexual guilt and shame about sex in general. So the thought of watching another man with me intimately, or a bull who wants him to "fluff" before, is gold for my cuck when I can call him a little sissy or faggot while he's doing it.  
Here is the truth for all of us: you can remove the "teeth" from sexual shame and guilt by simply acknowledging it.  
I say these shaming things to him, then shower him with love and affection after. Voila! This self-shaming he's done all these years is imploded. He is loved just as he is and knows I love him even more because of it.  How much loyalty does he deserve because of the freedom and support he gives me? Symbiotic perfection.
5. Online dating is a minefield. Between catfishers, married lying opportunist guys, and men who are simply jerks, it takes a considerable effort to sort through them. In my case, I rule out the "fuck boys"; the "hit and run" crowd. I did not realize what a HUGE effort it would be to find a thoughtful, intelligent bull who wanted to be in a long-term dynamic with a cuck couple. They are out there but rare as a six-legged dog.
6. You'll need to develop a solid 'spidey sense' about the liars and posers. I imagine traditional dating has many of the same issues, such as the ghosters, the liars, the married liars, and all manner of a jerk in the dating pool. I think lifestyle guys are even harder to find as it requires intelligence, very high emotional intelligence, expert-level communication skills, and a sense of humor. It's hard not to become cynical. Hang in there; however, it is infinitely worth finding.
7. Fantastic people are in this lifestyle. We are doing something adventurous this year and will attend Splash Mocha in Houston. I've already had fun talking with wise, tuned-in women and men. I think this crowd is a cut above because of all the reasons I've already written about. Respectful, informed, sexy and intelligent, makes for a good group, wouldn't you agree?
 Splash is a hotel that accommodates women to celebrate their sexuality with an interracial crowd. So the cucks, husbands, and bulls who love to love us will be there to participate or cheer us on. What a great opportunity! Where else can women go, be as fun and sexual as they wish, with handsome black men and women of all types? This sounds like heaven to me. I'll be writing about my experience later, so stay tuned!
8. The path to the most fantastic sex of a lifetime. I've not been to Splash yet, so I borrowed this belief from people who have. How can it get better than being surrounded by hordes of beautiful men who flirt and play and your beloved cuck to celebrate right along with you? How can this get better?  
The lifestyle itself is beautiful. Loving connection, humor, sharing our experiences bring us so close. I did not see all this coming!
9. Our perfect bull is likely to be in some other State. This fact makes it complicated and challenging. I've adjusted to the fact we are not likely to find him in our city. I did not expect a serious conversation with my hubs about moving to another State or what it would take to find someone who would move with us. We are determined, however!
10 Don't get discouraged. I've had to give this advice to myself many times. I know it's worth it, and so we continue on. My dear cuck is always there to listen to my boyfriend woes. That's part of the fun! With any luck, that will be his reward in the days to come.
Crystal Welch is a published author, blogger and podcaster that is passionate about exploring how relationships may be evolving in the 21st Century, including consensual non-monogamy, interracial love, and polyamory. She lives with her cuckold husband happily in Oregon.
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The Reluctant Wife
by Heather Lovins






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Charlotte was a woman in her prime. Her hair was still blonde; she even had her figure for thirty. She had a bachelor's degree in Advertising. Unfortunately, she gave up all that she had worked to gain for marriage, to Alex Cahill. He had been charming and outgoing for a rancher. He was six feet tall with broad shoulders, and the prettiest eyes in the state of Texas. She gave up her life, her family and friends in San Antonio to move to the outside of Houston. She did it for love. Now she was giving up her marriage to Alex for her life.
She had spent the last five years being there for him. She did everything for him; gave to him all she had. Why couldn't he do what he promised when they married? He promised to put her above all else.
"Charlotte, where are you going?" Alex came in to find her packing. He truly looked shocked.
"I am getting out. You are never home. I rarely see you any more," Charlotte said with tears in her eyes.
"It's been a busy season. You know that. I need you here with me."
"You never include me in your life, Alex. I am here at home waiting till all hours of the day, waiting to catch a small glimpse of my husband. That isn't right."
"Can't we just talk about this?" Alex didn't want to see her go.
"We have exhausted ourselves and got no where. I am tired of talking. I want a divorce."
"Back home, to San Antonio. I love you but I can't stay here another night, not like this." Charlotte Packed what she could in two suitcases, picked them up and walked out the door. Alex stood back and watched her get into her car and drive away into the night.
July was always the hottest time of the year in Texas. The sun was rising quite early and it was setting too late. Charlotte Monroe had lived in Texas for all of her thirty years. She was used to it. It was six o'clock in the evening as Charlotte walked out to her mail box with the sun still beating down on her. She took her stack of mail from her box when she came across a brown envelope addressed to her from her lawyer. She looked inside to find the unsigned divorce papers from her soon to be ex-husband, Alex Cahill. In the five years they had been married, she never asked anything from him, except maybe his love and attention. Alex had spent so much time in the fields, doing a two man job, that he forgot he had a wife at home. All she asked of him was a divorce and he couldn't even give her that.
"You rat bastard," she thought to herself. Three times she had the papers sent to Alex and three times he had returned them. She ran inside to her apartment, picked up her phone and dialed his number. No answer. Surely, he isn't still out in the fields.
"Looks like tomorrow, I am going to have to drive down to Houston." She said later when she called her best friend, Jill. Jill Baker had been Charlotte's friend for twenty years. They had almost a life time together. Jill was by her side when she had decided to leave Alex six months ago.
"Because that poor excuse husband of mine won't sign these damn papers." Charlotte was so angry. "I can't believe he keeps sending them back. I want to strangle him."
"Sounds to me like you still love him. Why again do you want a divorce?" Jill said with humor in her voice. She had thought those two belonged together. She was supportive of her friend, despite the fact that she didn't agree about the divorce.
"I wanted to come to the city to make something of myself. And I have. I am not one to be barefoot and pregnant while he is out roping his precious cows. I am very happy with my job." Charlotte said with vigor in her tone. "I am the head of my department at TY Ad Agency. I have my own life now. I gave him five years and what did I get in return? Nothing. I just couldn't stay at home and wait all day for him to return from the field. I felt trapped."
"Why didn't you try talking to him?"
"Oh I did. But he kept saying 'Next spring it'll be better, honey, and then I will have more time to spend with you.' It went on like that for 4 years and I had enough. I needed to get out."
"Well I wish you the best of luck tomorrow. Be safe."
A short time later Jill hung up and Charlotte went to go pack. She was not looking forward to this. Not only was it a long drive from San Antonio to Houston, but she was not looking forward to seeing Alex.
She left at 8 a.m. the following morning and got to the Diamond Stud Ranch around lunch time. Alex was just coming in from the corner pasture. The Diamond Stud was his baby. It was a spread of land just outside of Houston. Alex had done well for himself. It was a small spread but profitable.
He looked up and saw the dust from her car as she was pulling in the drive. "Shit," he said into the open air. He dusted his hat off and got ready to do battle with Charlotte. He knew why she had come. He expected it. What he didn't expect to see was the anger in her eyes when she got out of her Mercedes and approached him.
"Hello, Charlotte," Alex said with sunshine in his voice. "Nice to see you doing well. So, what do I owe this pleasure?"
"You know exactly why I am here." Charlotte reached into her shoulder bag to bring out the envelope. "I brought the papers out to you to watch you sign them. You'd have no excuse but to sign them."
"What makes you think I really want this divorce? I am not the one who left. I loved you six months ago when you walked that door and I love you now."
Charlotte ran her fingers through her hair trying to think of what to say. "I know you love me but it isn't enough. There are not enough hours in the day for you to do what you do and love me too. I understand that. I wanted something more. Can't you just be happy for me that I found what I was looking for?"
"How can I be happy for you when you are supposed to be here with me? We had something once. Why can't we try again?" He asked in desperation. He knew once he signed those papers, she would be out of his life forever and he didn't want that.
"It would be the same as before. You have no time for me." He had that irresistible look in those big blue eyes. He still had that power over her, to change her mind at his will. If she didn't turn and run now, she might not have the courage to do it later.
Alex could see Charlotte was getting anxious. She was ready to bolt like a cornered raccoon. He had to take his time and reel her in slowly. For starters, maybe he could convince her to stay a while. He missed her.
"Can't you even consider giving us another chance, Charlotte?"
"No, I can't. I have given you five years with nothing to gain. I can't do that again." With that reply, Charlotte turned on her heels and left.
Alex was at a loss of words. It was going to take a miracle to get her back. She was the best thing he ever had and he blew it. What was he going to do?
It was almost eight o'clock when Charlotte returned home. When she left the Diamond Stud, She was so shook up she just drove around for awhile. Deep down inside she still loved him. That was a fact. But love was just not enough. She needed more; deserved more. Even he had to admit that. Their marriage was in shambles when they were together. When she returned home, she was too exhausted to eat or even undress. She went straight to bed and cried. She cried over the fact that he wasn't going to give her what she wanted without a fight, and she cried because she didn't truly want to leave him. There was just no other way.
The next day, Charlotte went to work feeling refreshed and ready to start her day. It was going to be a very busy day. She had a full schedule and she was ready to get started. Right before her two o'clock meeting she came back to her office to find a dozen white carnations, her favorite, sitting there on her desk.
"Who could these be from?" She thought with peaking interest. She looked through the flowers, smelling each one looking for the card. She took the card from the envelope and read it out loud.
"I love you with all my heart. Now and forever Alex." Charlotte didn't know what to think. Alex had never given her flowers before. He never gave her much of anything. When she thought about it he didn't give her nothing. He supported her the best way he knew how. He put a roof over her head. Right then she remembered what made her fall in love with him in the first place; his strength and god help her, those baby blue eyes.
That night when she arrived home, she walked in the door just in time to grab the phone. "Hello?" She answered in short of breath.
"Charlotte, are you ok?" It was Jill. "You sound like you've been working out. Is there a man around?" She asked with laughter.
"No, I just walked in the door. You will not believe what I got today. Alex sent me flowers. Can you believe the nerve of that man?"
"What did I tell you? He still loves you. Why won't you give him a chance?"
"Because things won't change. Listen can I call you back tomorrow? I am really tired."
"Yeah sure. See you later." With that Jill hung up.
Just as Charlotte put down the receiver, the doorbell rang. It was Alex. He was standing in the doorway with his Stetson Hat in hand. He looked almost dangerous. He was standing there in his tight jeans, white muscle bound t-shirt, and work boots. He was quite breath taking.
"You get my flowers," he asked. "I remembered you liked carnations."
"Why did you send them? It doesn't change anything for us. I still want a divorce."
He was no longer in the doorway. He was moving closer and closer to her till she could no longer breathe and they were inches apart. He had her backed into a corner. She could feel his breath on her skin and the scent of him was overwhelming.
"Why are you here?" She wanted and needed to know.
"I sent them because I thought you deserved them. I am here because I want you and you want me too. I know it."
He quickly took her mouth with his. He was rough at first and then he softened up his touch. She tried to res
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