Regret Doing Porn

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Regret Doing Porn
I did porn once, and now I deeply regret it. In need of advice, reassurance
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Comment deleted by user · 7 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 7 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 7 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 7 yr. ago
Comment deleted by user · 7 yr. ago
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I have no idea if this is the right sub to post in, but you guys are the most openminded of the bunch so I thought this would be the best median to open up to (I'm bracing myself for criticism and slut shaming just in case). I've been depressed as of late and wanted to try something, anything , new and exciting. I had been stuck in the same rut forever- my boyfriend left me, all of my friends were getting married, life just hadn't been as eventful as it was, say, in school when I had graduation and college to look forward to. Growing up truly sucks. :/ I still don't know what I'm going to be doing years from now. I felt lost and I wanted change, of ANY kind. Even a bad change would at least be a change. My fragmented logic was "If I don't like it, I'll never have to do it again and I can pretend it didn't happen. I'll move on, and it won't be a big deal".A few months ago I shot porn scenes in an indie, privately owned adult film studio right outside of my city. I've never been the "trashy" girl. Before this shoot, I had only dated and had sex with two men. First relationship lasted 3 years, last relationship lasted a year and ended back in September. I wasn't a slutty person, and this was a spur of the moment decision I shouldn't have rushed into. I know this. Let's move on.
The actual shoot wasn't as stressful as the aftermath, worrying myself batty that someone I knew would see it, or get wind of it. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the change in scenery, the liberation, and the obvious freedoms that comes with the job. It was great...until my mom,dad,aunts,uncles, cousins, boss, old high school friends, college friends, my 79 year old grandfather, and everyone on facebook basically took this discovery and ran with it. I still don't know who the first person to find out was, and may never know. Since January, I've been called every name under the sun. You can only imagine, the messages ranged from "I expected better from someone like you" to "Hiya wanna fuck?". I've had to de-activate facebook, I quit my job in retail, and now I'm more depressed than I've ever been in my life. I've thought of suicide, many times.
How does someone move forward from this? I'm angry at myself for doing it, and depressed that no one will ever see me in the same light as long as I live here. My reputation has literally been destroyed, and I feel as if there is no "comeback" to be made. No one will ever let it go.
Edit: I want to thank anyone and everyone who reached out to me in comments and PMs- Thank you very much! I'm truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of support,understanding,and love I never felt I deserved. I've read hundreds of PMs since yesterday, some of which were from former adult actors and actresses who had experienced the same sort of backlash from people in their personal lives and have been exactly where I am today. Stories of wives who have done porn in their youth, mothers, daughters, sisters and other relatives who put their pasts behind them and grew into admirable women with amazing lives. It was eye opening and reassuring to know that you CAN move on, and performing sex acts on camera doesn't and shouldn't define me as a person. Thank you, everyone <3
Move to a new city and start over. If anyone in your family actually gives a shit about you, once the shock wears off they'll reach out to you again.
This was my idea, too. She quit her job anyway, she feels/is alone, she wants an exciting change in her life and a bit of new scenery.
Move into a new city, state or country(only if you can afford it, obviously). Pick up a hobby as soon as you're there, something done in a group, get a job that's satisfying, and just start over.
In case you have actual depression, though, just get therapy asap.
I agree this is the first thing that came to my mind.
Seriously, fuck family members who will degard you because you made a "mistake".
If they are not there to stand by you and help you succeed in life, there no worth having in your life.
Yup. Move. OP, the only bargaining chip you have with your family is your presence in their lives. Take that away. Take the power back. Tell them you expect to be treated as an adult capable of making adult decisions that are none of their business. If they can't treat you that way stay away until they can.
There are lots of people out there who won't care if you did porn. And maybe once you ditch the haters you'll decide it wasn't such a bad idea after all. :)
I'm glad I searched for this before posting.
This seems like the best choice sure it might suck but if your friends and family don't want to accept you for who you are and the choices you have made regardless of weather or not you regret them yourself. Then honestly they aren't your friends and your family just well kinda sucks.
Id say move and the next part is up to you but if your feeling spiteful at all. Do it in such a way that makes it clear that your family and friends inability to treat in a way adults should treat other adults with respect and understanding, is your reason for leaving. Make um feel guilty sounds to me like they need a reality check and it might help.
Not only that, but moving to a new city is a "change" you need. If you are considering suicide, this is crisis time. You are in a crisis. Suicidal crises usually last up to 90 days, so you need to focus on getting through the day to day. Moving to a new city might be kind of stressful, but it would be a really cool plan to work towards - get the highest paying shit job you can right now, start saving. Look forward to it. While you are saving, research the city you want to move to. I would recommend Seattle or Portland :) find out what you'll want to do when you get there! Then, once you're there, you may be a bit lonely, but it'll be a WHOLE NEW CITY to explore, with outdoors stuff to find and do, group get togethers to get involved in, and new job opportunities. Sounds exciting just talking about it!
Plus, everyone in Portland or Seattle would probably high five you for doing porn. After all, we have Hump! fest here every year....
This guy's got the best advice any of us are going to think of.
Yep. this is it. Don't think of it as running away. Think of it has looking for a new, more exciting, life. This is something you probably should have done even before the porn shoot. It sounds like there are so many better suited places for you. Just pick a place you've been curious about and go there. You have more freedom, right now, then you will ever have again.
OP needs to know, when you put your happiness in the hands of others you're gonna have a bad time.
Self esteem must come from within. Accepting yourself fully for both your strengths and weaknesses removes the power others have over you. It can be difficult but owning your own happiness allows you to find peace within yourself.
I know this is an ideal and a constant battle when the forces of life rage around you but the more centered on this thought you can be, the easier time you have feeling good about yourself.
Many anonymous internet people like me have no problem with what you have done and support you, OP, in living your life but our opinion doesn't really matter. It is what you think about yourself that counts.
Apart from minding their own business, can we point out some fuck was surfing porn, then decided to blow up OP's spot and shame her for doing porn? All while watching porn himself and basking in the protection of anonymity.
I agree with this. You had a job with stigma, didn't like it, and quit. People love to make a stink. Ignore the unwanted attention and it will eventually start to fade away when they can't get under your skin. If someone persists, you don't have to have them in your life, you did nothing wrong. If anything, who the fuck are they to judge. Everyone has done something they aren't proud of.
Agree with you 100%, people have no empathy no more when it comes to others. First you need to accept and come to terms with what you did then Find the few friends you have that can see past it and try to move on, there's never any point in trying to explain yourself you'll be doing that forever... You will be OK, it's others who have a problem with what happened not you...
I agree with everything you said. I came here to also say that I wouldn't care if a friend or family member made the same choice. I would be supportive of them whether I agreed with that choice or not.
I totally agree and only want to add that being a "slut" is nothing to be ashamed of. Own you sexuallity and as long as you are Happy with it and responsible all is perfectly cool.
They have those stupid opinions because groupthink. They would rather shame her than take shit from their peers. The shamers want to be able to nod and cluck their tongues along with their friends who hear about it.
But I'm with you. She's a real, rational person and didn't do anything illegal. It's not cool but it's no reason to cut someone out of your family. Unconditional love much?
Making a porn these days is just a business move.
Source: Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, and many others . . . .
EVERYONE has used sex to get a certain feeling or thing. OP is no better or worse for what she did.
This answer is the best one in the thread so far that doesn't focus on the fact it was porn you did. That's the point, we all feel like we make mistakes and they impact our lives differently. As pointed out, they will change over time, but it takes us time to process and accept those choices we make.
You'll be be able to move forward once you come to terms with the decision (knowing you can't go back and change) and then everything will get better. Good luck!!
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OP, the only one slut-shaming here is you. Your post reads like, "I swear, I'm really not one of those trashy, slutty girls who do porn!!"
Your attitude is exactly the attitude you don't want people to have toward you. I think you need to change your own views first before you expect anyone else to. Don't feel ashamed, feel proud that you own your sexuality enough to decide what to do with it. Stop trying to distance yourself from one of THOSE porn stars and own your decision.
I agree with this. You did what you did. It was unexpected and out of character. Very few people react in a calm and thoughtful manner when they are shocked in confronting a truth about someone close. Here are a few words of advice.
Seek out the people who have had a tempered and non judgmental responses. They can become the calming force in your life.
Own it. You did it. It will be a part of who you are. You cannot run from it. You can, however, not let it define all of you.
If it gets real overwhelmed take a few months to travel the world. Nothing puts your life and troubles in perspective. When you go out and see the world and meet people, you will see how we overwhelm ourselves with insignificant thoughts.
OP, the only one slut-shaming here is you. Your post reads like, "I swear, I'm really not one of those trashy, slutty girls who do porn!!"
Your attitude is exactly the attitude you don't want people to have toward you.
This is a lot more honest than most of the other replies. But it's the other side of the biggest aspect OP is still not accepting: her monumentally poor choice and lack of foresight.
Even now OP is avoiding it: "...I shouldn't have rushed into. I know this. Let's move on."
"Rushed" is an understatement. I've actually dated people who've done porn and the usual transition first involves doing photo shoots to get used to the idea of allowing yourself to be seen nude by the public at large. The one I dated the longest had actually already made a few personal sex tapes, but even she had to "dip her toe" into actual porn with over a dozen photo shoots. She made a few hardcore porn and doesn't regret it, but she knows that there could come a day when someone asks her about it and she is ready for the consequences.
OP clearly wasn't ready for the consequences and came here seeking some sort of magic solution to the bomb she set off in her life. In a rather extreme case of irony, she actually got exactly what she wanted. "I wanted change, of ANY kind. Even a bad change would at least be a change." There's a reason the saying "Be careful for what you wish for" exists.
Because harsh honesty is frequently greeted on reddit with misunderstanding, I will state what should otherwise be obvious: OP was within her rights to sow some wild seeds in order to snap herself out of her depressed rut. In this day and age, this does not make her a slut. She may find this hard to believe right now, but she is going to meet people who are going to be impressed that she had the stones to do it even once. But she needs to make peace with the fact that her "before porn" life is gone. Part of "growing up" is to take responsibility for your actions and being prepared for the consequences of rash ones.
The best repeated advice on here is to put some literal distance between this "before porn" life and herself. Move and force herself to do activities to be social in order to meet new people. It has never been easier in the history of mankind to social network in places you arrived only 30 minutes before. Eventually, some of those relationships with family and friends will get repaired (if they are even as broke as OP might assume. Don't confuse shock and disappointment with shunning). And fuck those that can't be - life gave them a test and they failed it. My hope is that one day OP will actually get to smile about it. Some good friend or co-worker is going to think they have her all figured out and OP is going smile.
"Let me tell you something that will blow your mind if you think you know me..."
This should be the highest post in this thread. Blunt but true.
And even though its taken some years, miss Lewinsky is also taking her life back, doing good where she can and enjoying her life as best she can. If she can do it, you sure can too, OP!
Probably a mistake, right? I mean, he destroyed his career, betrayed his wife, damaged his own reputation, and to some degree the reputation of the entire country.
Not the slightest. The only people who cared at the time where republicans looking to unseat him. They failed. His wife stayed with him, and as far as "career" goes, he was president, that is the end of your career. He's doing fine as a public speaker, and promoting democratic canidates, and is generally looked at fondly by his supporters.
destroyed his career, betrayed his wife, damaged his own reputation, and to some degree the reputation of the entire country.
1, 3, and 4 are very subjective and honestly I think most people would disagree with you. I mean, you basically dispute them yourself in the next line where you say that he's still a world leader and still addresses millions of people.
I recommend seeing a therapist to help you work through some of these feelings. I think what you're experiencing in the aftermath isn't particularly surprising but it can be dealt with.
As for your family--they're disappointed, possibly ashamed. Try to be understanding of that (they should try to be understanding of you, but you can't control their actions) because they need to work through their feelings in the aftermath of this as well. If they're willing, have an adult conversation about what you did and why. Be willing to reach out to them and rebuild the relationship. Don't be a doormat--don't let them call you names, but don't shut them out either.
People will move past this eventually, you just have to be patient--possibly for a long time. People like gossip and there isn't much that tops this. If you need to move away from the city, go for it.
Really though, a therapist will help you with all this far better than some people on the internet.
Move to San Francisco. No one will care
I guess it's too late to lie and say "WOAH, that girl in that video looks WAY too like me!" So, people know.
Look, Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Vanessa Williams and ... let's just say almost all people have been at one point or another naked, and many many MANY of them on film. In 10 or 15 years, your experience will be so common that it will be as scandalous as having a wave take your top off at the beach. Ooops. Guess I was in my 20s at one point.
But for now, people are being jerks about it. And while you can't change that, you can control your reaction, and that can influence the future.
Speaking as some unqualified nobody from the internet, I can recommend several avenues of response.
Snappy comebacks. "Did you pirate that? That's my intellectual property. I'm going to need $25,000 if you want to avoid a lawsuit."
Serious changes of subject. "Yeah, that was a mistake. How's your wife?"
Therapy (or similar). People are reacting negatively to you because you have violated a community norm. You are still a whole and decent and unique human being, and you are still part of a community, but your relationship with that community and with yourself has changed dramatically... talking this over with an independent voice (friend, diary, therapist, whatever) may help you manage that change.
Good luck. I'm sorry people are such jerks about you having committed to video what ALL of them have done offline.
I would strongly NOT recommend doing those first two and resorting to middle school retorts. OP is obviously overwhelmed, arguing back against every single PM and negative comment she gets would be infinitely more overwhelming, and would just encourage people even more.

Women who regret working in the porn industry, why did you enter it and why did you leave?
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If you are not a woman who regrets working in the porn industry, do not leave a top level reply
Do not derail, argue, attempt to invalidate, pass judgment on, or otherwise use other people's responses to this question as the jumping off point for your soapbox. No one cares whether you love or hate the porn industry, and it isn't relevant to this question.
I was in porn for 5 years. From ages 18-23 it was my full time job, but before then it was something I very illegally took part in. I started because I guess it was already my job- I had always used my looks and what people wanted to get what I want. I was in a place mentally where my confidence was low, but my ego was high.
I did
Lucy Wilde Videos
Linda Sweet Pornstar
Scoreland Lactating