Reddit Cowgirl
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Reddit Cowgirl
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Instead of you doing all the moving around, have your partner do some too. Ask them to meet you halfway and thrust from below, says certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair , founder and CEO of The Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine. It changes the whole dynamic, plus gives you a little break. And if they want to do all the thrusting, hi, yes, that’s cool too.
Carina Hsieh
Sex & Relationships Editor
Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.
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Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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Getting on top during sex when you’re the receiving partner—aka cowgirl position—can be a little daunting if you’ve never done it before. And to be fair, it does come with a whole new set of questions: What do you do with your hands? What do you do when your legs get tired ? Do you have to dress up like a cowboy, or are costumes optional? (Lol, kidding, kind of.)
But the truth is, the cowgirl sex position is popular because it’s good , and most of the time (read: when you get out of your head!) it’s v easy to pull off. “The beauty of the position is that you're the one in control,” says certified sex and relationships coach and clinical sexologist Elaine S. Turner . When you hop on top, you get to be in complete control of the speed, depth, angle, and motion of what’s going on, and all that can be super helpful if your goal is to have an orgasm .
Now, before you embark on your Big Mission To Own The Cowgirl Position, there are a few important tips and tricks to know. (And even if you consider yourself an expert rider, you can always learn a new thing or two!) In no particular order, here’s what to keep in mind.
Yes, hi, remember how I said “no particular order”? I was lying. This tip is number one for a reason. If cowgirl isn’t making you feel freaking fantastic, you might be among the majority of vagina owners who do not orgasm with penetration alone . Yes, I said majority —it’s super normal! So make sure your clit is getting the attention it needs and don’t be afraid to give yourself a hand.
“Angle your hips for your clit to rub against your partner or play with your clit while riding,” suggests erotic rom com writer Liv Arnold . You can also delegate clit duties: “Lean back a bit and have your partner play with your clit using their fingers or your favorite bullet vibrator or wand massager ,” says resident certified sex therapist at SexualAlpha , Aliyah Moore , PhD.
If you’re riding a strap-on , you can ignore this one, but if you partner has a penis, this is crucial. “Cowgirl is one of the positions most likely to lead to a broken penis ,” says Turner. “If you're going up and down on them too fast, they can slip out, leading to a rough landing. Avoid the awkward hospital visit and take your time.” Yes ma’am!
Even if you’re on another form of birth control , bust out a condom to help prevent STIs , recommends Jasmine Akins , a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health . (Psst, here’s a secret tip for the condom-adverse .)
Now, ready to saddle up? Take some of these cowgirl sex positions out for a spin.
If you want an easy and comfortable ride, try leaning forward slightly, suggests sex expert Mayla Green , co-founder of TheAdultToyShop.com . Not only will you get the stimulation your clit craves, but you can rest some of your body weight on your hands.
Instead of bouncing up and down (see above: penis breaking), do a slow grind against your partner. Apply some CBD-based lube and grind against their pubic bone. Spread your legs extra wide to get more friction across your entire vulva.
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Switch up the depth of penetration and speed to maximize the stimulation you’ll both be getting. If you need a template, try four quicker, shallower thrusts, then on the fifth thrust, sink slowly all the way onto your partner. That deep fifth thrust will feel so amazing to both of you.
Feeling shy up there? “The best way to overcome it is with practice and showing off,” says Turner. “Grab your favorite bullet or wand vibrator and get it involved while you're on top. Or you can grab your partner's hand and show them where you want them to touch you.” When you’re really into it, you forget about being self-conscious, fast.
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“Putting a blindfold over your partner's eyes or tying them up to the bed can be a massive turn-on,” says Turner. “Incorporating sensory deprivation means focusing on the sensations and maximizing their enjoyment.” (If you feel vulnerable and exposed when you’re on top, a blindfolded partner can help you feel less inhibited.)
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You know how when someone’s holding your legs you can magically do sit-ups better? Harness the same principle by tucking your legs under your partner, suggests Sinclair. (Just slide your feet under their butt.) This move can help stabilize you and keep your thighs from tiring out, she says.
Make cowgirl instantly more intimate by having your partner sit up instead of lying on their back. "This can help take some of the pressure off your thighs, switch up the rhythm, and allow you to hold onto them for support," says Sinclair. It’s also excellent for sweet kisses and eye gazing.
Feel like you’re not quite getting the right angle? Try a sex pillow or wedge . “Giving the partner on top a little more leverage and aligning genitals a little better for comfortable insertion makes a huge difference in terms of making this position both more comfortable and more pleasurable,” says co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly , Tara Struyk , who recommends the Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo.
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“People think cowgirl is all about lots of movement and activity (with an occasional shouted yee-haw),” says sexologist Anka Grzywacz , certified sex coach at Good Sx Coaching . “Add some pelvic muscle squeezes and deep breathing to that, pause, and see what happens.” Spoiler: Good stuff, that’s what happens.
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by Gigi Engle and Zachary Zane Published: Jul 5, 2022
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.
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Cowgirl's about to get even hotter. 😎
It’s no secret that cowgirl (or cowboy, or cowperson, or partner-on-top) is one of guys' all-time favorite sex positions , and it’s not just because it provides a spectacular view from below. When your partner is on top, they can take full control of the rhythm and speed of sex, allowing them to maximize their pleasure while you get to go along for the (literal) ride.
If your partner has a vulva, there’s a higher chance of orgasm when they're on top due to the direct contact between their external clitoris and your body—all that grinding can make a big difference. If friction doesn't get them off, cowgirl also frees up their hands to hold a vibrator on their clit as they ride you.
Now, just because you’re on the bottom, it doesn’t mean you can play the dead fish. Half of good sex is enthusiasm and participation. Assuming your partner is into you getting in on the action, you can try thrusting from the bottom (a.k.a. "topping from the bottom"), stimulation their external clitoris with a hand or toy, caressing their breasts , or even engaging in some hot making-out, depending on your positioning.
Another cowgirl tip: Remember, it's not all about the rider moving up and down. Honestly, that causes a lot of thigh burn. For maximum pleasure, have your partner try sliding back and forth in this position. Trust us, you’ll thank us later when they’re hella enthusiastic about being on top more often.
That's not the only adjustment that can make this position even more enjoyable for all parties involved. Variations on cowgirl help to keep sex interesting, hot, and explorative. This isn’t as complex as it sounds. Slight tweaks on the classic position can be enough to up the pleasure you get from this position in a big way. If you’re looking to get your cowgirl on, here are some simple and fun ways to change it up.
How it works: You lie on your back. Your partner straddles you, sitting on you like a horse. Their knees and shins are pressed to the bed.
Why it’s good: Your partner gets to take control. They can also tilt back or forward, controlling the depth of penetration and potential G-spot stimulation.
How it works: It’s similar to cowgirl, only instead of your partner straddling you, they have their soles planted on the bed in a squatting position.
Why it’s good: With this position, you can grab your partner by the butt and thrust deep. So even though they're on top, you’re in control of the speed and motion. You also get a lot of leverage in this position, which makes it both visually appealing and less of a thigh burnt than a classic reverse cowgirl position.
Squatting cowgirl is also optimal for bringing in toys. We’d suggest bringing in a bigger toy with a long handle (like a Magic Wand) so the receiver can rest their elbows on their knees while still stimulating their clitoris.
How it works: This one's just like the classic cowgirl, however, instead of your partner facing you, they're facing away from you.
Why it’s good: It’s all booty, right in your face.
How it works: Start in reverse cowgirl and then have your partner lean all the way back, so their back is against your chest and their forearms are resting on your sides.
Why it’s good: While thrusting, you can also cup your partner's breasts and play with their clitoris. If you do this position right, you can hit multiple erogenous zones. (Note: your partner will need loose quads in order to pull this position off.)
How it works: The receiver starts in a classic cowgirl position. Then, they swing one leg at a time around so that both are straight out behind them, on either side of the penetrating partner’s outstretched legs. The receiver will essentially be completely flush with their partner’s body, while their partner's penis or dildo is still inside of their vagina. This position can take a bit of maneuvering, so take your time swinging your legs around and next to your body. If it doesn't work the first time, you can always try again.
Why it’s good: This position allows for a very unique sort of shallow penetration. In most instances, the penis or dildos won’t be able to penetrate more than a few inches. It can feel really intense and quite unique compared to other forms of stimulation. When sliding up and down their partner’s body, the receiver gets a lot of direct contact to their clitoris.
How it works: The crab is similar to squatting cowgirl, only your partner leans back and supports their weight on their arms.
Why it’s good: This position can really allow for deep penetration, but it can also be tough, physically. Start slow to see if it works for you two. If it doesn’t, switch back to squatting cowgirl.
How it works: It's like missionary, but with you on your back. Your legs should be kept together, and your partner's legs should be straddling your sides. The easiest way to get into this position is to start in classic cowgirl and then have your partner lean forward.
Why it’s good: It’s a very intimate position that allows for kissing.
How it works: To get into the lotus position, you need to sit down with your legs crossed and pulled in close to your body. Your partner should then sit on top of you, facing you. Then they can either wrap their legs around you or place them by your sides. You should hold onto their back to help support them and to keep your bodies close together.
Why it’s good: This position doesn’t allow for much thrusting, but it's another intimate pose that allows for hugging, kissing, caressing, and heavy eye contact.
How it works: This one looks more complicated than it actually is. Lie on your back with one of your your knees bent. The soul of your foot should be on the bed. Have her straddle the bent knee while facing away from you. From there, she can insert your penis inside of her and start grinding.
Why it’s good: This position, to be honest, is more for her than it is for you. There isn’t too much thrusting, but she can get organic clitorial stimulation by rubbing herself up against your leg, while bouncing up and down on you.
How it works: It’s like reverse cowgirl, only your partner is riding your face.
Why it’s good : In my humble opinion, this is the hottest position for oral sex if your partner has a vulva. It's also great if your partner likes to be dominant in the bedroom.
How it works: It’s basically the reverse cowgirl of face sitting.
Why it’s good: This position is great for analingus, if you and your partner are into it. Also, if you’re an ass man, your partner's booty will literally be inches away from your face.
How it works: While sitting in a chair, have your partner straddle you, face to face.
Why it’s good: This position allows for thrusting and grinding, and it's great if your partner's legs aren't always up for squatting or deep straddling. It’s also an intimate position that lends itself well to kissing and eye contact.
How it works: Sit on the bed with your hands stretched behind your back to support yourself. Your legs should be stretched out in front of your body. Have your partner lie on their back, in front of your crotch. Then raise their legs over your shoulders. From there, your partner can scooch closer, and you can start penetration.
Why it’s good: First off, it’s not as hard as it may look, but you'll feel like a sex pro. Just take your time getting into the position. It’s good because you can grab your partner by her thighs and really thrust yourself into them, allowing for super-deep penetration.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
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Don't get me wrong, cowgirl position works for a lot of women. I get it. When I asked a few friends for their opinion, the feedback was mixed. Some say it's their favorite position of all time (opens in new tab) . Others would rather clean the skid marks out of their partner's underwear.
One friend candidly told me that she'd, "Sooner nix sex forever than be forced to go through an entire sex session on top (opens in new tab) ." A little morbid, but point taken.
I'm with her on this one. I cannot stress enough how much I loathe cowgirl (opens in new tab) . Unless I lie forward and grind, I'm not into it. It's legitimately a full cardio workout. I'm more exhausted after being on top than after an hour with my peppy spin instructor, Denise. There are moments during cowgirl when I wonder if I will have a heart attack. My epitaph will read, "She died while riding that D, as her friends and loved ones would have hoped."
Seriously, expecting me to come in this position is like expecting me to be okay with handing over my bank account à la The Handmaid's Tale (opens in new tab) . It isn't going to happen.
As a sex educator, sexual pioneer (if I do say so myself), and bonafide pillow princess (opens in new tab) , I have spent years perfecting the art of a lazy, clitorially satisfying cowgirl position—as well as some brilliantly coy ways to avoid it altogether.
Here is the lowdown on what to do if cowgirl just isn't working for you.
I refer to this position as "The Pillow Prayer." Cowgirl often entails bouncing up and down at a rapid and uncomfortable speed. I find myself so distressed by the treacherous toll gravity is taking on my poor bosom, while simultaneously trying not to vomit, that I can't enjoy myself in the least.
Sure, you can slow it down and grind your clitoris against your partner's penis/dildo and pelvis, but it's only a matter of time before he or she is going to want you to bounce again. I get it, it's more pleasurable for the other person and they deserve to feel good.
So, to add some extra lift, take two pillows and stick them under each knee. This is most successful with couch pillows, as they are less squishy than your sleeping pillows. Your partner still gets the full range of motion, but you don't have to bounce as high. Trust me, it makes a big difference to the thigh burn.
Use your words to guide your partner into an alternate position. Your partner probably won't get turned on by you saying something like, "I'd rather sink with the Titanic," when they inquire about cowgirl.
Instead, use your sexiest voice (opens in new tab) to suggest something else, something you'd really enjoy. Try, "I'd much rather let you take me from behind, babe. You're so sexy wh
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