Real Taboo Kids Xxx

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Having your children catch you having sex is – or indeed should be – every parent’s worst nightmare.
My supersonic hearing apparently didn’t work too well this morning. It was 5:30 am(!!!!). Our bedroom door was closed and we thought we’d enjoy a little adult mud wrestling – without the mud, slutty clothes or actual wrestling.
My mummy superhero hearing knew to listen out for the creaking of floorboards, the little ‘tap tap tap’ on the door, followed by “mummy, daddy – good morning” announcement that we’ve taught them to be overly conspicuous with.
Listen: Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo talk about tackling the sex talk with kids, on our podcast for imperfect parents. Post continues after audio. 
Out of habit I randomly throw my eyes towards our door, turn my head to the side (which can be incredibly awkward depending on positioning) and listen. Normally it’s a nope, no kids. Door still closed. All good.
I turned my head to look at the door and it’s WIDE OPEN. This is the ONE morning our kids decide to be stealth ninjas. I threw the husband off (and out) and then hear our girls whispering because THEY’RE STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OPEN DOOR!
They’ve obviously opened the door, seen Dad’s nude bits on Mum and then quietly retreated to stand on the other side of the open door to work out what to do.
We looked at each other with horrified expressions while yanking the doona up to preserve what little modesty remained. Talk about closing the gate after the horse has bolted.
Yeah well, we did too 30 seconds ago but you just royally screwed the pooch on that one kids. So, hugs and kisses and the kids leave the room. We both just looked at each other with a combo deal of horror and amusement – OK, 99 per cent horror. We both optimistically (and stupidly) hoped there was a chance they didn’t see anything.
My husband went out to see all three kids and was immediately met with our seven-year-old.
“Dad, why weren’t you wearing any clothes?”
“I was just about to get out of bed,” he said.
“And what were you doing to Mummy?”
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“Ummm, Mummy was cheeky and I was wrestling with her.”
“But why weren’t you wearing any clothes while you were wrestling her?”
“Um, Daddy, has to go to get ready for work now….”
I lay there mortified but also grateful that he was on the receiving end of these questions. I just lay there praying to the Big Man upstairs that our kids wouldn’t go to their Catholic school with stories of their parents’ nude wrestling.
When I walked out, the first question I received was… “Mum, why were you and Daddy wrestling in the nude this morning?”. As my child asked this, our second (nine years old) smirked and did some weird hip gyration that will unsettle me for the rest of my life.
I responded the only mother way I could think of.
“OK kids, let's get breakfast, help me with the lunches, get dressed, find your shoes etc…”
I must have rambled for two minutes with a list of chores and the avoidance tactic worked.
Next time we’ll barricade the stupid frickin' door.
This post originally appeared on Rock Star Mums Drink Champagne. You can follow Fiona on Facebook here.
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There is something called a latch, and it goes on a door.
What... a... missed... opportunity.

Teachers will do just about anything to get their students' attention these days. As as result of growing up in the smartphone era, Gen Z-ers only have eight-second attention spans, so sometimes teacher (and parents) have to go to extremes. Debby Heerkens, a seventh-grade biology teacher at the Groene Hart Rijnwoude school in the Netherlands, did just that when she began a lesson about how our bodies work.
To the shock of her students, she stood up on her desk and stripped off her clothes, revealing a full Spandex bodysuit that accurately illustrated every muscle and organ in the body. She then stripped again, revealing another full Spandex bodysuit that outlined where all of our bones are located. Talk about a lesson her students will truly remember!
Lest parents be concerned that she shouldn't have been "stripping" in front of her class, Heerkens discussed her unusual lesson plan with the school's director prior to that day. After seeing someone walking around in the leggings last year, she set out to find a full body suit that would showcase all of the muscles and organs. "You're always looking for ways to trigger students and classes to give so that they remember it too," Heerkens told Omroep West. "I told the director [and he] said . . . he liked it too."
We have a feeling her students will never forget the locations of their muscles or organs ever again! For a closer look at the bodysuits, see the photos the school posted below.

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Real Taboo Kids Xxx