Real Sex In The Club
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Real Sex In The Club
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Came for the sex, stayed for the food🍗.
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Sometime last year, my best friend was invited to a sex club in Manhattan by someone she was sleeping with.
When I say sex club, I mean Eyes Wide Shut , but without the creepy masks and mandatory white-tie-with-a-cape attire. The type of place where you pay a fee and can basically choose to participate in an open orgy. You can just watch other couples/threesomes/foursomes, have sex with the person you came with, invite a third (fourth? fifth?) into your copulation, or just straight-up masturbate for an hour. Whatever floats your O.
The experience was all my friend would talk about—what she saw, what she didn't see (but heard), and also, strangely, what she ate.
Yes: In addition to broadening her sexual boundaries, the sex club apparently also broadened her palate with, of all things, an impressive buffet.
"In addition to broadening her sexual boundaries, the sex club apparently also broadened her palate with, of all things, an impressive buffet. "
I'm not talking the gross, salty stuff that gets served at strip clubs. I'm talking dishes like Chilean sea bass and avocado salad, lobster macaroni and cheese, filet mignon—*fancy* food. And, like the side dish of sex being served all around it, it was all-you-can-eat.
As a single woman in the city always looking for my next extravagant culinary experience on a noticeably unextravagant budget, I was intrigued. All-you-can-eat five-star food for $30? And maybe a bizarre sexual encounter to serve as the (potentially literal) cherry on top?
My friend started forwarding me emails from the sex club (sex clubs have mailing lists?) boasting their upcoming menu for the next sex soiree: baby back ribs, lemon rotisserie chicken, smoked salmon—and, lest I forget the most convincing part, a bottomless liquor fountain.
So on a freezing Valentine's Day night (because if you're going to do it, you might as well go all out), we bundled up to "treat" ourselves to a fancy dinner in Midtown—courtesy of the sex club.
We arrived at the nondescript building at around 11 p.m. and paid a nice, middle-aged woman with a mom haircut our $30 each. My friend asked if there was still food available. "Of course," she said, smiling. "Go right on in, girls."
We immediately whooshed through an entire room of naked people touching each other, my friend following her nose right to the buffet table. But once we got to the pile of platters, we realized—there was no food left. Not a crumb. Just the sad remainders sauces and steam.
"This is bullshit," my friend said as she pulled out her phone. "I'm getting us a refund."
Mind you, it's my first time in a sex club. So when she leaves to go back to the nice lady at the ticket booth, I'm suddenly alone, mere feet away from people who are moaning and grunting, occasionally popping their head in to also see that there is no food left.
But I'm so awkward with my body—I don't even know if I should sit or stand (maybe stand for awhile and then sit?) because I don't know how to be in such close proximity to strangers openly having sex. Apparently, this does not come naturally. At least not to me.
After what felt like an eternity, my friend finally reappeared and said she had secured us both refunds. Hungry and cold, we passed back through the room of humping strangers and went home.
A year later, still being tempted by regular email blasts about decadent chocolate cake and buffalo mozzarella, my friend and I decided to give it another go. Only this time, we strategized differently: We got there early—at around 7:30, prompt dinner time.
This time there was food. Mountains of it. And we ate like kings. Plates of rotisserie chicken and the most delicious Chilean sea bass I've ever had—surprisingly delicate. Well worth the $30 and soundtrack of orgasms in the background.
"I saw a Hasidic man getting a blowjob—his yamaka still on despite that he was completely nude."
While we're shoveling food into our faces and mumbling to one another about how this is the most incredible meal we've ever had, we begin to notice that everyone else taking a seat is either partially naked or completely naked. Meanwhile, my friend and I just look we're out to dinner—fully dressed. We chit chat with strangers like, where are you from? Oh yeah, I used to live around there but I moved here . But there's no denying the awkwardness of reaching across four pairs of exposed breasts for another helping of garlic mashed potatoes.
At one point I got up (to go inquire when the next batch of rotisserie chicken was coming out) and bumped into the co-owner—a lovely man in his mid-40s who repeatedly told me that he just "wanted everyone to have a good time and enjoy themselves." His wife was the other co-owner, and she did all the cooking. She takes tremendous pride, he said, in serving rich, tasty dishes to the patrons.
After dinner, people started traveling to different rooms to commence the true festivities of the evening. I was too full to eat anymore, and figured I had already sat across from these people at dinner, so why not explore? Even in this setting, there was something innately distasteful about bailing after dinner.
Because I was fully clothed, I wasn't permitted to go upstairs where nudity was mandatory (fair), but I still got an eyeful wandering around the rest of the place. I saw a Hasidic man getting a blowjob—his yamaka still on despite that he was completely nude. I saw a woman with the largest, fakest-looking breasts I've ever seen riding a man who didn't seem to care either way.
And then I wandered to a dimly lit room that was sectioned off by a spinning fan you could peek through. As bodies started to come into focus, I realized there were about 50 people in there—doing everything. Massive piles of group sex, threesomes, foursomes, spectators, and entire clusters of people masturbating. People in their 20s and 30s all the way up through their 70s and possibly even 80s, of all different races. To this day, it's the most diverse space I have ever seen in New York City.
The evening eventually wound down, and my dinner companions started putting their clothes back on and saying goodnight to each other. From the inside of a bathroom stall, I heard two men exchange high-fives and say they would see each other next week.
My friend and I left, and wandered into the night with full stomachs and a new sense of curiosity. Maybe, I thought to myself, I'd go back some day...if only to answer the siren call of that lobster mac and cheese.
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Most people’s only association with sex clubs are the creepy scenes from Eyes Wide Shut . But sex clubs can actually be quite varied, and a lot of fun.
Sex clubs are, like the name implies, clubs where people go to have sex. They’re often styled like a typical nightclub, with room for socializing and dancing, but usually include more private areas with beds and other props for sex play. Sometimes temporary sex clubs are hosted in private residences.
Some people enjoy the exhibitionistic thrill of having sex in front of other people. Others enjoy the voyeurism of watching people have sex. Some couples go to sex clubs to play with each other, while others go to play with strangers. Some parties are designed around a certain theme, like a masquerade ball or bondage.
Here’s everything you need to know about visiting your first sex club.
Sex clubs are more plentiful than most people think. If you live in or near any medium to large city, you’ll probably be able to find a sex club. Google is your friend here, but if it doesn’t pull anything up, another option is to visit your local sex shop and ask if they know of any places.
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Certain sex clubs also require you to go through an application process before you’re allowed through the doors. You may need to submit a written application, photos of yourself, or even do an interview. It’s worth doing your research in advance, so you can make sure you have the time to go through any necessary steps or pre-screening.
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Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually pretty regimented places. They’re not wild free-for-alls. If it’s a good sex club, the management cares about creating a safe, welcoming, sexy place for people to let loose, so they create detailed guidelines for club etiquette.
Most clubs will have a website where the rules are listed in detail. If not, you can always email or call the club and ask. In particular, you should find out:
Some clubs even give tours or meet-and-greets for newbies, so you may want to ask about that too.
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If you’re feeling nervous about being at the club your first time, spend a few minutes chatting up the hosts, bar staff, or security. Party organizers want their guests to have a good time, so they’ll do their best to set you at ease. It’s also good to be familiar with security, just in case you need to speak with them about a poorly-behaved guest.
If you’re going solo or with a friend, think about what activities you’d feel comfortable participating in. A sex club is not a once-in-a-lifetime experience; you can always go back. Don’t pressure yourself to do anything before you feel ready. If you’re feeling nervous, you can decide that you’ll only watch the first time, or only engage in a little light petting. Plenty of people take it slow their first few times.
If it’s your first time going to a sex club with your partner, you definitely want to have a lengthy conversation about what activities are on and off the table. For example:
You should also decide on a safeword or signal that either of you can use if things are getting too intense or you simply need a breather. And it’s probably a good idea not to go to a sex club if you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship.
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Most sex clubs will provide condoms and lube, but they may not be the greatest quality. I recommend bringing your own condoms, lube, dental dams, or gloves. If the club allows it, you may also want to bring your own sex toys or props in a small bag.
Even though sex clubs can be wild and kinky, that doesn’t mean they’re without boundaries. In fact, people who identify as part of a kinky community tend to be far more tuned into the importance of consent than most people. Showing up at a sex party doesn’t mean a person consents to doing anything and everything. If you want to touch someone, ask first. If you want to watch someone up close, ask first. If you want to dive headfirst into the middle of an orgy, ask first.
This might sound like a silly guideline to include, but cleaning up after yourself is just good sex club etiquette! Think of it like the gym; wipe down any surface that your skin has come into contact with. Many clubs typically have wipes, but you may want to bring a little travel pack of your own.
Sex clubs can be incredibly erotic, and they can also bring up big emotional reactions. Give yourself the space and permission to feel whatever feelings might come up for you. If you’re with a friend or partner, you may want to arrange beforehand to have a check-in time at a specified time and location, just to see how you’re each doing.
9:08AM Wednesday, August 17th, 2022
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MANY fantasise about swinging, but few can make it work. Nikki Goldstein has been in sex clubs and seen what really goes down.
STANDING on the side of the road at 1:30am with the rain pelting down, I was shielded from the wet weather but drenched from tears of the woman in my arms.
I was consoling her because her boyfriend had just walked off in a fit of anger after witnessing her erotically massaged by another man at a private sex club.
Ill-prepared couples often jump into this world of swinging, where there are many misconceptions and false fantasies and a high risk of someone ending up in tears. Sometimes hearts, sexual confidence, egos and relationships are broken.
It is still taboo to talk about sex and the subject of swinging or attending sex clubs is probably not one discussed at the office water cooler. It is a world protected by privacy and anonymity, something that is also responsible for those eager to check it out first hand.
However many party goers do not understand what really happens — it’s not all a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey .
If we were more open about sex, maybe we would make our decisions from a more informed place rather than a desire to explore unknown taboos for all the wrong reasons.
The problem is, how will you ever know what it feels like to watch your partner with someone else until you see it? The catch is that once you enter this environment, even if it’s just for a look, you might be faced with a reality you are not equipped to handle or ready to deal with. This is why preparation, communication and education are a must.
SO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS INSIDE THESE CLUBS?
Most clubs in Australia are exclusive but still open to the general public and are either for couples or single females with some having all singles nights. They are hidden and off the beaten track and are BYO.
When you enter there is often a room with lockers where you can safely store your possessions and clothes and nearby there might be a hot tub or spa where you can meet some couples you want to “mingle” with.
There are also common areas where you can hang out and chat with others and areas such as dance, bondage and “play” rooms where the real action take place. Some have rooms full of mattresses and swings and others couches or beds. Some even look like hotel rooms with showers.
Many of these places from the outside would seem to be just normal apartments, town houses or factories and you might not even know if one was next door to you.
At best they can be great places to explore your sexuality, but it also takes a special type of couple to be able to survive it.
Inside, there can be a lack of seduction and people are often treated like a piece of meat with sexual play being done as easily as you would shake hands. You can see people going through the motions of sex like it’s mechanical. There are of course some scenes which can be sexy and entertaining but I am often disheartened on how sex no longer seems to be special at these clubs and is viewed as just another thing to do on a Saturday night.
I have also found at times a lack of respect for the people that have engaged in “play” together. When the fantasy bubble is bust and the tears come out, sometimes those involved back away very quickly.
I have been encouraged to explore these clubs and have been greeted by all personality types from the experienced swingers who love everyone and sex with everyone to the ego males using this as an excuse to bed more women and the poor partners going along out of fear their partner will cheat behind their back if they don’t agree.
There are the exhibitionists and those wanting to have their sexual desirability validated by the multitude of wondering hands and advances. There are also just the people that really want to play and engage in sexy fun.
But there is also a culture that surrounds these clubs that is one of severe alcohol and drug usage. In order to stay up all night having sex with strangers or people you have just met, some often feel their inhibitions need to be lowered chemically.
I personally find sex itself a high and my inhibitions are there as a common sense barrier to protect me, but unfortunately that is not the case for everyone. And with increased alcohol and drug usage comes the decrease chance of protection being used. Condoms, lubricant and wet whips line the walls but at the end of the day, no one can make you use them. (One day I will invent the condom police).
I might seem negative, but while there are many couples for whom this lifestyle has worked and is still working for them, I want to give a warning. These clubs are not for everyone and I only hope people can work that out before they enter the doors and play.
But if this is a strong sexual desire or something on your sexual bucket list, here is my checklist for what you need to know before to entering a world that can be exciting, sexual but also relationships suicide.
1. Ask yourself and your partner why you want to do this. Is it a sexual fantasy or relationships rescue? If it’s the first, then proceed, but if this is an attempt to patch things up in the bedroom, you could be putting yourself at a higher risk.
2. Communicate with your partner and discuss this situation A LOT. What would your boundaries be if you did this and what would it look like? You might just want to go for a watch or lightly play with someone else. Just being there doesn’t mean you have to have penetrative sex with other people. It’s also vital to discuss signs and signals for when you are not comfortable
3. Be creative with labels. If you want to explore this world it doesn’t mean you have
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