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What Happened When I Let My Teenage Son Dress Me
November 27, 2016 Updated November 25, 2016
I walked into my son’s school a few weeks ago to pick him up. He was sitting with all his friends waiting for me by the door and immediately got up when he saw me coming. Clearly, he didn’t want me coming anywhere near his friends. I got the feeling he didn’t want anyone to know he was with me. I was right.
As he got closer, he whispered, “Mom, why do you have to dress like that? Everyone stares at you.”
“No they don’t. They are probably staring at you because you are so handsome,” I told him.
“I blend in. They aren’t staring at me. They are looking at you. Why do you have to wear dresses and high heels?” For the record, I was wearing the outfit below. The nerve, right?
I decided I wanted to try something with my teenage son that day. I asked him if he wanted to dress me for a little while. I told him he could pick out my outfits and I would wear whatever he wanted me to wear as long as he had an open mind and would listen to a few things I had to say about people and the way they choose to dress, so that’s what we did.
I wanted to talk to him more about the subject and why he was feeling the way he was. And by having him choose my clothes for a while I would better understand why he wanted me to wear certain things, and maybe he would understand why I like to dress the way I do and that, really, it shouldn’t affect him as much as it does.
This was his choice for the first day. He picked out a very casual, sporty outfit, and I loved it.
While I dress like this about half the time and like this look, it doesn’t always suit me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up more, so I do. When I asked my son why he picked this out, he said because I “blended in and didn’t look out of place.” In his mind, when I dress up, I look like I don’t belong. If he only knew how many women I saw throughout the day wearing suits and heels maybe he would have a different opinion.
Regardless, I told him nobody should be judged based on how they dress — not even your very embarrassing mother. Most people wear what they are comfortable in, what makes them feel good. It doesn’t matter where it came from because this isn’t how we judge others. We focus on how they make us feel, if they are kind, how they treat people. I told him judging people for what they wear is very transparent, and he will be missing out on a lot in life if he is going to focus on making friends because of what they wear, what they have, or what they look like.
If he is comfortable dressing in a way that makes him feel like he blends in, I think that is great. However, I want him to have the inner confidence to step out of the box if he wants. If he feels like wearing something, even though none of his peers are, I want him to feel like he can.
I also let him know what someone puts on their body isn’t an invitation, for him or anyone else, ever. And he should always take heed on how he looks at people, especially women. There is a way to look at a woman without staring or gawking. No matter how you see her, she deserves respect. I don’t care what she’s wearing.
I also want my son to realize just because I am a mother it doesn’t mean I have to dress a certain way. I loved the outfits he picked for me, and dress like that on my own accord often. But I also love wearing dresses, heels, skinny jeans, and trying out new trends because that is who I am, and who I was long before I became his mother. It’s not my intention to embarrass him. It is my intention to be myself, and him making comments or telling me he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me because of the way I dress is hurtful (as normal as it is).
A few days ago, I discussed these “lessons” I was trying to teach him with a friend and she told me he would “take all these lessons and bake them into a gentleman pie.” I really hope she is right.
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I was recently mansplained how there are real single moms and then there are single moms who claim the title. Ya know the type of single mom I'm referring to? No, you don't? That's ok, because I didn't either.
26 year old single working mom shares her journey and shows the world that all moms rule. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's wrong.
03/21/2016 04:57pm EDT | Updated December 6, 2017
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
I am a single mom. I have never been married and my son's father is not in the picture at all. I don't receive child support and I do it all on my own. I bare all of the financial responsibility and am the sole provider for my family. I am a real single mom, at least that's what I'm told.
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I was recently mansplained how there are real single moms and then there are single moms who claim the title. Ya know the type of single mom I'm referring to? No, you don't? That's ok, because I didn't either.
Apparently, women who:
1. Are not currently in a relationship with the father of their child, but who have an involved and supportive baby daddy, are not allowed to call themselves single mothers.
2. Are not in a relationship with the father of their child and receive child support are not allowed to call themselves single mothers.
3. Have a positive relationship with the father of their child, regardless of his level of involvement, are not allowed to call themselves single mothers.
4. Chose to conceive without a father or significant other are not allowed to call themselves single mothers.
I don't know about you, but I guess I wasn't aware that 'single mother' was synonymous with 'struggling alone.' I didn't realize that being a single mom meant I had to be struggling at all.
This explains quite a bit though, really. I was wondering why the first thing out of people's mouths is, "I'm so sorry to hear that," after they find out I'm a solo parent. I was wondering why I received the sad, pity-filled looks as I spoke about my life. I now understand that this is all because I'm a real single mom and being a single mom equals pain.
Newsflash! I'm pretty freaking happy with my life. I didn't think I need to shout it from the rooftops, but I guess I should at least once for people to truly see I'm good with my circumstances.
But what's most concerning is not that I'm looked at with pity, no the real concern is that all of these single mothers out here are being treated like trash for claiming a title that other people don't think they have the right to hold.
I'm sorry but when did being a single mother become some medal of honor that women are jumping at the opportunity to call themselves such? If a woman is single and also a mother, then I truly hate to break it to you, but she is a really real single mom and she doesn't need your approval to say so.
I don't care if she splits her parenting time right down the middle and shares all of the responsibility: financial, emotional or otherwise. If she is single and raising a child, she can refer to herself as a single mom.
I don't care if she gets $2000 or more a month in child support and treats herself to a pedicure every other week. If she is single and raising a child, she is a single mom.
I am so incredibly tired of the stereotypes women are placed into relating to the type of mother they are. You are not HER so stop judging her.
And if you need anymore proof that being a real single mom comes in all forms and fashions... here are just a few real life, real single moms:
Rose is a single mom to a 16-month-old. She has a great friendly relationship with her daughter's father and he helps out financially whenever he can.
Stacy is a single mom. She is a widow of Correctional Officer Joel Ramos. They have three beautiful children Joel Jr. 10, Natalie 8, and Alexis 2.

Photo submitted by Nicole Diele with permission by Stacy Ramos. Photo taken by Kayla Tapley of Merced, CA.
Jennifer is a single mom. Her son's father is in active duty in Korea and has never met his son nor does he wish to.
Are you convinced yet? We are all real single moms and no man (or woman) is going to tell me we aren't. #allmomsrule whether they have a good man helping them raise their children or not.
This post was originally published on Mommy My Way by Nikki Stephens, a single mom to a 1 year old baby boy. You can read more like this by visiting Mommy My Way on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook & Twitter.
Raise the kind of person you'd like to know
Subscribe to our parenting newsletter.
26 year old single working mom shares her journey and shows the world that all moms rule. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's wrong.
Part of HuffPost Parenting. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Real Mom I Son