Raped Little Porn
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Mum's fury at judge who blamed society
THIS is the innocent little girl of four whose porn-crazed teen rapist was LET
OFF by a judge.
As the child — who cannot be identified — played at home yesterday, her
devastated mum hit out at the soft sentence.
She called for the 14-year-old attacker to be caged and wept: “The sentence
isn’t enough. He should be punished.”
Judge Gareth Hawkesworth freed the boy at Cambridge Crown Court, blaming the
“world and society” for corrupting him.
The weeping mum tenderly kissed her daughter as she also revealed the full
horror of the girl’s ordeal — how she was BLINDFOLDED
with her Hello Kitty apron.
The judge let the boy off with a three-year community order, saying: “You have
become sexualised by the corruption of pornography.”
But the victim’s mum said: “The judge was more concerned with justifying
the sentence by making a cheap point about pornography. It was really cheap
to use that as an excuse for what the boy did.
“The sentence just isn’t enough. His family were told to expect a
three-year custodial sentence so we were shocked when he didn’t get one.
“If he had been 18, the starting point for sentencing would have been
six-and-a-half years.
“If the act is treated as rape, he should be punished for rape. It
sends the wrong message to people — that you can do something like that and
get such a light punishment.
“And it could stop victims coming forward. What’s the point in going
through all that?”
The mum told how the attack happened as the boy — the son of a friend —
babysat at their home in a quiet Cambridgeshire village while her parents
went to watch their older child in his school play.
She said the teenager blindfolded the girl, now five, with a Hello Kitty apron
and promised her a chocolate if she played a game with him. Then he raped
her.
The mother said: “Our daughter was just four years old and so small for her
age, she was still wearing age two to three clothing. He was a lot bigger
than her.
“When I got home and she told us what had happened, I was sick and then I
was on the floor crying.
“I noticed her little apron was not hanging up where it normally was but
scrunched up on the floor.
“She knows what happened was something horrible, but she doesn’t
understand what it means yet. Now I panic when she’s not here and I don’t
like her being out of my sight.
“There have been days where I just can’t stop bursting into tears and I
feel sick all the time. I can’t cope any more.”
The little girl’s dad, a businessman in his 40s, said: “We had gone to
watch our older child in the school play that night.
“And we went from being really happy, proud parents to the other
extreme… and just feeling completely devastated.
“Now when our daughter tells me, ‘You’re the best dad in the world’, I
just feel it’s not true — because I couldn’t protect her.
“This boy was trusted – we had known him a long time. So we asked him to
look after her for a couple of hours while we went to the school.
“I came back early and everything seemed fine at first. I paid him £10
for babysitting and he said they had just watched television.
“But our daughter told me what else had happened as I was getting her
ready for bed.
“She told me, ‘He used my apron to cover my eyes and I didn’t even get a
chocolate’.”
The shattered dad immediately went to see the teenager’s mum at her home a few
hundred yards away and together they asked him what had happened.
The father added: “He said, ‘I didn’t touch her. I think she might have seen
me going to the toilet — she walked in and I turned around and was exposed.’
“But when I spoke to my daughter again she contradicted what he said. We
realised he was lying and phoned the police.
“We asked the boy again whether she was telling the truth and this time he
just said ‘yes’. “He admitted it to the police the next day.”
The boy told detectives he had “lost his mind” because his “hormones took
over”.
Despite the rapist’s age, the case was considered too serious to be dealt with
in a youth court and he was convicted and sentenced at Cambridge Crown Court
last Friday.
The court heard the boy watched internet porn every day on his laptop.
Judge Hawkesworth gave him a three-year community order and banned him from
accessing porn or using computers without filters.
He told the teenager: “I’m satisfied it was impulsive and I believe you have
become sexualised by your exposure to and the corruption of pornography.
“Your exposure at such a young age has ended in tragedy. It was the fault of
the world and society.”
None of the people involved can be identified for legal reasons. But as the
victim’s family were pictured last night with faces obscured, the dad said: “I
should want to rip this boy’s head off — but I think I let my daughter down.
“ I blame myself because I left her in a room with him and I made the
wrong judgment.
“I liked him. He was quiet and well-mannered. But he has devastated our
family and his own family.
“I no longer trust people as much and I don’t trust anyone to look after
my daughter again for any length of time.
“We are worried about what’s ahead of her and if she doesn’t remember
anything, how we explain to her what happened and what the outcome is.”
The victim’s mum added: “The worst thing is the boy still lives just around
the corner. If we could afford to, we’d move house tomorrow.”
I REGULARLY hear from teens and even younger children — mostly boys — worried
by their addiction to internet porn.
Things like: “I’m 14 and I’m certain I’m a porn addict. I spend two to three
hours every day watching porn when I get home from school.
“How can I stop it without having to tell my family?”
And teachers struggle with an epidemic of pupils “sexting”.
Girls are sexually harassed in school — boys rating breast size, circulating
topless photos of them and even thrusting a hand up their skirt.
Many parents allow their children to play Grand Theft Auto even though it is
labelled over-18s only. Do they realise that one of the “rewards” is a
session with a hooker?
A recent report says: “Children are damaged beyond measure by violent and
sexual imagery and language.”
It’s enough to panic any parent. But what can you do?
1. MAKE sure your kids’ school has zero tolerance to sexualised
behaviour.
2. DON’T be too embarrassed to talk about it at home.
3. SET an example — don’t have porn on your computer.
4. INSTALL anti-porn software where you can.
– EMAIL deidre@deardeidre.org
for my leaflet Staying Safe Online And On Your Phone. Or contact the Family
Lives charity — 0808 800 2222, www.familylives.org.uk
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By Megha Mohan Gender and identity reporter
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Image copyright
Rose Kalemba
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Rose Kalemba
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Rose Kalemba
Image copyright
Rose Kalemba
Last year Rose Kalemba wrote a blog post explaining how hard it had been - when she was raped as a 14-year-old girl - to get a video of the attack removed from a popular porn website. Dozens of people then contacted her to say that they were facing the same problem today.
The nurse stopped at the doorway leading out of Rose's hospital room and turned to face her.
"I'm sorry this happened to you," she said, her voice shaking. "My daughter was raped too."
Rose looked at the nurse. She couldn't be older than 40, Rose thought, her daughter must be young, like me.
She thought back to the morning after the assault, to the conversations with the emotionless policeman and the clinical doctor. Everyone had used the phrase "alleged" when referring to the violent, hours-long overnight attack that Rose had described to them. With the exception of her father and grandmother, most of her relatives hadn't believed her either.
It was a small crack of hope - someone recognising and acknowledging what had happened to her. A wave of relief washed over her, which felt like it could be the start of her recovery.
But soon hundreds of thousands of people would see the rape for themselves and from those viewers she received no sympathy.
A decade later, Rose Kalemba brushes her thick thigh-length black hair at the bathroom mirror, twirling the ends with her fingers to form natural ringlets. This wouldn't have been the case in the months after her attack - all the mirrors in her home had to be covered with blankets, as she couldn't bear to catch her reflection.
She is now 25 and she has organised routines of self-care into her daily life.
Taking care of her hair is one. Combing it takes time and effort, it's almost an act of meditation. She knows she has beautiful hair, people comment on it all the time. Every morning she also makes herself a cup of cacao, a pure, raw form of chocolate that she believes has healing qualities, and writes down her goals in a diary.
She deliberately puts them in the present tense.
"I'm an excellent driver," is one goal. "I'm happily married to Robert," is another. "I'm a great mother."
Sitting down to talk, Rose pulls her hair over her shoulders - it covers most of her body, her own armour.
Growing up in a small town in Ohio, it wasn't unusual for Rose to go for a walk alone before bedtime. It cleared her head, she enjoyed the fresh air and peace. So that evening in summer 2009 started like most for 14-year-old Rose.
But then a man appeared from the shadows. At knifepoint he forced her into a car. Sitting in the passenger seat was a second man, aged about 19 - she'd seen him around town. They drove her to a house on the other side of town and raped her over a period of 12 hours, while a third man filmed parts of the assault.
Rose was in shock - she could hardly breathe. She was badly beaten and stabbed on her left leg, her clothes bloody. She fell in and out of consciousness.
At some point, one of the men got out a laptop and showed Rose videos of attacks on other women. "I am of first nations ethnicity," she says. "The attackers were white and the power structure was clear. Some of the victims were white but many were women of colour."
Later, the men threatened to kill her. Forcing herself to collect her senses, Rose began to talk to them. If they released her, she wouldn't reveal their identities, she said. Nothing would ever happen to them, no-one would know.
Taking her back in the car, men dumped her in a street about half an hour's walk from her home.
Walking through the door, she caught sight of her reflection in the hall mirror. A gash in her head was oozing blood.
Her father, Ron, and some extended family were in the living room about to have lunch. Still bleeding from her stab wound, she explained what had happened to her.
"My dad called the police, he immediately comforted me, but the others said I had asked for it by walking out late at night," Rose says.
At the hospital, Rose was greeted by a male doctor and male police officer.
"They both dealt with me in an extremely matter-of-fact manner," she adds, "There was no kindness, no warmth."
The male police officer asked her if this had started as consensual. Was it a night gone wild, he wondered.
"Here I was beaten beyond recognition. Stabbed and bleeding..."
Rose told them no, it had not been consensual. And still reeling from what she had been through, she said she didn't know who had attacked her. The police had no leads to go on.
When Rose was released the next day, she attempted suicide, unable to imagine how she could possibly live a normal life now. Her brother found her in time.
A few months later, Rose was browsing MySpace when she found several people from her school sharing a link. She was tagged. Clicking on it, Rose was directed to the pornography-sharing site, Pornhub. She felt a wave of nausea as she saw several videos of the attack on her.
"The titles of the videos were 'teen crying and getting slapped around', 'teen getting destroyed', 'passed out teen'. One had over 400,000 views," Rose recounts.
"The worst videos were the ones where I was passed out. Seeing myself being attacked where I wasn't even conscious was the worst."
She made an instant decision to not tell her family about the videos - most of them had not been supportive anyway. Telling them would achieve nothing.
Within days it was evident that most of her peers at school had seen the videos.
"I was bullied," she says, "People would say that I asked for it. That I led men on. That I was a slut."
Some boys said their parents had told them to stay away from her, in case she seduced them and then accused them of rape.
"People have an easier time blaming the victim," she says.
Rose says she emailed Pornhub several times over a period of six months in 2009 to ask for the videos to be taken down.
"I sent Pornhub begging emails. I pleaded with them. I wrote, 'Please, I'm a minor, this was assault, please take it down.'"
She received no reply and the videos remained live.
"The year that followed I withdrew into myself. I disassociated," she recalls, "I felt nothing. Numb. I kept to myself."
She would wonder, with every stranger who made eye contact with her, if they had seen the videos.
"Had they got off to it? Had they gratified themselves to my rape?"
She couldn't bear to look at herself. That's why she covered the mirrors with blankets. She would brush her teeth and wash in the dark, thinking all the time about who could be watching the videos.
She set up a new email address posing as a lawyer, and sent Pornhub an email threatening legal action.
"Within 48 hours the videos disappeared."
Months later Rose began to receive counselling, finally revealing the identity of her attackers to the psychologist, who was duty bound to report them to the police. But she didn't tell her family or the police about the videos.
The police collected victim impact statements from Rose and her family. The attackers' lawyers argued that Rose had consented to sex, and the men were charged not with rape but "contributions towards the delinquency of a minor" - a misdemeanour - and received a suspended sentence.
Rose and her family did not have the energy, or the resources, to fight for a tougher sentence.
It's clear that Ron Kalemba thinks a lot about what happened to his daughter all those years ago. What could he have done differently, if he'd known more, he wonders. His daughter changed after the assault. She went from being a straight-A student to missing classes, rarely handing in her homework.
We're sitting in a park near his home that Ron visits often. He and Rose sometimes read from passages of the Bible from a picnic bench together. They don't talk much about the past.
"It feels like the whole world let her down," he says. "Her abuse, it was like it was a big joke to everyone. It changed her life completely, and people let her down every step of the way."
Ron only heard about the Pornhub videos in 2019, when a blog that Rose shared about her abuse went viral on social media. He had no idea that his daughter's rape had been seen by so many people, nor that people in her school had mocked her for it.
"I knew a girl in eighth grade when I was in school," Ron recalls. "People would pick on her, and she would get beaten up. And none of us would say anything, we just watched it happen."
"I ran into her years later and she thought that I was a bully too, because I had just stood by and watched it happen. In reality it had only been a couple of people who actually hurt her but she thought we were all against her because we watched it and said nothing. That's what the silence felt like to her."
Is this what he thinks happened to Rose?
"Yes but it was worse for her. She had a digital crowd of bullies too. Some silent and some abusive. Hers is a different world."
Over the next few years Rose would often disappear into the digital world.
She threw herself into writing, expressing herself on blogs and social media, sometimes using aliases, sometimes her real name.
One day in 2019, as she was scrolling through her social media feed she saw a number of posts about Pornhub. People were praising it for donating to bee conservation charities, adding caption facilities for deaf viewers, donating to aid domestic violence charities and providing $25,000 scholarships for women who want to enter the tech industry.
According to Pornhub, there were 42 billion visits to its website in 2019 - an increase of 8.5 billion fr
https://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/735418/cage-the-porn-boy-who-raped-my-little-girl-4/
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/stories-51391981
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Raped Little Porn
