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Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
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Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted January 22, 2021
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
It must be noted at the outset that there is no such thing as consensual rape. Rape fantasy or rape play involves sexual role-playing in which one partner plays the submissive (the victim) and the other plays the dominant (the attacker). The behaviors extending from rape fantasy are fully consensual. The terms "rape fantasy," "forced sex fantasy," or "rape play" are misnomers. If an individual is consenting to the sexual behavior, then it is not rape or forced sex. The turn-on may be the idea of being forced to have sex for many individuals, but they do not actually want to be raped.
That being said, consenting to rape fantasy does not make the play any less complicated. There is a whole host of dimensions and dynamics that must be addressed when considering indulging in rape fantasy.
Rape fantasy is more common than you may assume. Bivona, Critelli, and Clark (2012) found that 62 percent of participants, consisting of 355 women from two state universities in the southwestern United States, reported having rape fantasies in varying degrees of frequency and type. In Lehmiller’s (2018) survey results of 4,175 adults in the United States, he found that two-thirds of women in the study had rape fantasies and half the men surveyed reported having rape fantasies.
Rape fantasies are not all the same. They exist in varying degrees of force. In its milder forms, it can be a mere matter of surprise, for instance, maybe your partner is waiting for you behind the door of your darkened house when you get home from work. In more extreme cases, participants may want to be forced to engage in sexual acts they wouldn’t in other circumstances. They may even want to be slightly harmed—bruises left behind from their playful resistance or maybe they want to be choked during the role-play. Rape fantasy can consist of everything in between and even push the boundaries of these examples further out.
When considering rape fantasy or forced sex role-playing, consent is everything. That’s why it’s not actually rape and those engaging in it aren’t being raped or even wanting to be raped. Partners must determine what the boundaries are before any role-playing of this sort can begin. If those boundaries are not set, then neither is consent.
What is off-limits? Rule out locations. Maybe the house is always open or getting in the car in a dark parking lot, but the workplace is never allowed. And what about specific acts? Is everything on the table? Maybe any form of penetration is fair game, but punching, choking, or anything that could draw blood is not. There is much to consider when planning forced sex role-playing and all the dynamics of consent.
As in all types of sexual desires, there are those who will stigmatize anyone who is sexually aroused by rape fantasy. Those who do not find arousal in this form of desire often cannot understand why others would like it. And, unfortunately, when some individuals are not interested in a particular desire, they act to shame anyone who is.
But apart from the sexual opinions of the general populace, it’s important that your partner or potential partner is aware that you are aroused by forced sex play. If that partner is not willing to engage in rape fantasies, it all comes down to consent again. Poor communication on this subject can end a relationship or prevent the beginning of one. Relationship issues, in several of my own research participants’ narratives, focused on either poor communication within a relationship or the inability to find a partner based on forced sex desires. Not everyone is comfortable with rape fantasy. One of my participants (female, age 23) relayed her issues with potential partners:
I’m kinky. Willing to try anything. I like it rough. Push me around, slap me, choke me, if you leave a little bruise, it means you love me. I love it when it’s part of my rape fantasy. But, it’s hard to find guys willing to give in to what I want. They are afraid they’ll hurt me—hell guys, that’s what is getting me off.
Social Psychology Behind Rape Fantasy
What may be the impetus behind being aroused by rape fantasy? Several internal factors came up in my research. A few of those included:
Rape fantasy is vastly complex in its structure and social dynamics. Psychological and social implications are expansive. More research certainly needs to focus on this topic, despite it being an uncomfortable one for some. And the misconceptions about rape fantasy, and those who engage in it, need to be dissolved. For the purpose of sexual well-being, what needs to be understood is that rape fantasy involves consent and that those who are aroused by it do not actually want to be raped. More often than not, those who report having rape fantasies have a positive sexual attitude and a high level of sexual confidence.
Bivona, J. M., Critelli, J. W., & Clark, M. J. (2012). Women’s rape fantasies: An empirical evaluation of the major explanations. Archive of Sexual Behaviors, 41(1), 1107-1119.
Lehmiller, J. (2018). Tell me what you want. New York, NY: Da Capo Press.
David W. Wahl, Ph.D. , is a social psychologist and sex researcher. His work focuses on issues related to sexual desire and behavior, shaming and stigmatization, sex and gender, sexual violence, sex work, and human trafficking.
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Sexual fantasy involving coercible sex
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^ Critelli, Joseph W.; Bivona, Jenny M. (2008). "Women's Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and Research" . The Journal of Sex Research . 45 (1): 57–70. doi : 10.1080/00224490701808191 . JSTOR 20620339 . PMID 18321031 . S2CID 28276526 .
^ Bivona, Jenny; Critelli, Critelli (February 10, 2009). "The nature of women's rape fantasies: an analysis of prevalence, frequency, and contents" . The Journal of Sex Research . 46 (1): 33–45. doi : 10.1080/00224490802624406 . PMID 19085605 . S2CID 44540712 .
^ Lehmiller, Justin J. (March 11, 2020). "Why Are "Rape Fantasies" So Common?" . Psychology Today . The Myths of Sex.
^ Arndt, William B., Jr.; Foehl, John C.; Good, F. Elaine (February 1985). "Specific Sexual Fantasy Themes: A Multidimensional Study". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . Washington DC: American Psychological Association . 48 (2): 472–480. doi : 10.1037/0022-3514.48.2.472 .
^ Baumeister, R.F. (2001). Social Psychology and Human Sexuality: Essential Readings . Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Psychology Press. p. 125. ISBN 1-84169-018-X .
^ Janda, Louis H. (1985). How to Live with an Imperfect Person . Issaquah, Washington: Wellness Institute, Inc. p. 334. ISBN 1-58741-007-9 .
^ Moreault, Denise; Follingstad, Diane R. (December 1978). "Sexual Fantasies of Females as a Function of Sex Guilt and Experimenta" . Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology . Washington DC: American Psychological Association . 46 (6): 1385–1393. doi : 10.1037/0022-006X.46.6.1385 . PMID 730888 . Retrieved June 16, 2014 .
^ Strassberg & Lockerd 1998 , p. 405. sfn error: no target: CITEREFStrassbergLockerd1998 ( help )
^ Strassberg & Lockerd 1998 , p. 416. sfn error: no target: CITEREFStrassbergLockerd1998 ( help )
^ Bader, Michael J. (2003). Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies . London, England: Macmillan Publishers . p. 126. ISBN 0-312-30242-8 .
^ Jump up to: a b Lehmiller, Justin J. (11 March 2020). "Why Are "Rape Fantasies" So Common?" . Psychology Today .
^ Crépault, Claude; Couture, Marcel (December 1980). "Men's erotic fantasies". Archives of Sexual Behavior . Berlin, Germany: Springer Science + Business Media . 9 (6): 565–81. doi : 10.1007/BF01542159 . PMID 7458662 . S2CID 9021936 .
^ Strassberg, Donald S.; Locker, Lisa K. (August 1998). "Force in Women's Sexual Fantasies". Archives of Sexual Behavior . Berlin, Germany: Springer Science + Business Media . 27 (4): 403–414. doi : 10.1023/A:1018740210472 . ISSN 1573-2800 . PMID 9681121 . S2CID 32056579 .
^ Gold, Steven R.; Balzano, Bill L.; Stamey, Robin (1991). "Two Studies of Females' Sexual Force Fantasies" . Journal of Sex Education and Therapy . New York City: Guildford Press . 17 (1): 15–26. doi : 10.1080/01614576.1991.11074001 .
^ Klement, Kathryn R.; Sagarin, Brad J.; Lee, Ellen M. (2017). "Participating in a Culture of Consent May Be Associated With Lower Rape Supportive Beliefs" . The Journal of Sex Research . Abingdon, England: Routledge . 54 (1): 130–134. doi : 10.1080/00224499.2016.1168353 . PMID 27120005 . S2CID 25788140 .
^ Bauer, R. (Oct 28, 2014). Queer BDSM Intimacies: Critical Consent and Pushing Boundaries . pp. 117–118. ISBN 9781137435026 .
A rape fantasy (sometimes referred to as rapeplay ) or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending being coerced or coercing another into sexual activity . In sexual roleplay , it involves acting out roles of coercive sex . Rape pornography is literature or images associated with rape and sometimes Stockholm syndrome as a means of sexual arousal .
Studies have found rape fantasy is a common sexual fantasy among both men and women. [1] [2] [3] The fantasy may involve the fantasist as either the one being forced into sex or being the perpetrator. A 1985 study by Arndt, Foehl and Good [4] found that being "overpowered or forced to surrender" was the second most frequent fantasy in their survey.
A 1988 study by Pelletier and Herold. found that over half of their female respondents have had a fantasy of forced sex in their life. [5]
A widespread myth is that the fantasy of being raped was the most common sexual fantasy for women. Louis H. Janda is said to have made this claim in his book 'How to Live with an Imperfect Person' from 1985. However, there are no studies to support this claim. [6]
The most frequently cited hypothesis for why women fantasize of being forced and coerced into some sexual activity is that the fantasy avoids societally induced guilt—the woman does not have to admit responsibility for her sexual desires and behavior. A 1978 study by Moreault and Follingstad [7] was consistent with this hypothesis, and found that women with high levels of sex guilt were more likely to report fantasy themed around being overpowered, dominated, and helpless. In contrast, Pelletier and Herold used a different measure of guilt and found no correlation. Other research suggests that women who report forced sex fantasies have a more positive attitude towards sexuality, contradicting the guilt hypothesis. [8] A newer study from 1998 by Strassberg and Lockerd found that women who fantasized about force were generally less guilty and more erotophilic , and as a result had more frequent and varied fantasies. However, it said that force fantasies are not the most common or the most frequent. [9]
A male sexual fantasy of raping a woman may bring sexual arousal either from imagining a scene in which first a woman objects but then comes to like and eventually participate in the intercourse, or else one in which the woman does not like it and arousal is associated with the idea of hurting the woman. [10]
Numerous studies have found that fantasies about being forced to have sex are commonly found across all genders. [11] 45.8% of men in a 1980 study reported fantasizing during heterosexual intercourse about "a scene where [they had] the impression of being raped by a woman" (3.2% often and 42.6% sometimes), 44.7% of scenes where a seduced woman "pretends resisting" and 33% of raping a woman. [12]
A study of college-age women in 1998 found over half had engaged in fantasies of rape or coercion which, another study suggests, are simply "open and unrestricted" expressions of female sexuality . [13]
In a more recent studies among more than 4.000 Americans, 61% of respondents who identify as women had fantasized about being forced to have sex, meanwhile the numbers were 54% among men and 68% among non-binary . [11]
One form of sexual roleplaying is the rape fantasy, also called ravishment or forced sex roleplay. [14] In BDSM circles (and occasionally outside these circles as well), some people choose to roleplay rape scenes—with communication, consent and safety being especially crucial elements. Though consent is a crucial component of any sexual roleplay, [15] the illusion of non-consent (i.e. rape) is important to maintaining this type of fantasy. A safe word is therefore a common safety measure, given that words that would normally halt sexual activity (e.g. "stop") are often disregarded in these scenes. [16] Continuing with the sexual roleplay after a safeword has been used constitutes assault , as the use of a safeword indicates the withdrawal of consent.
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