Queen Robot

British tabloids are buzzing with claims that the late Queen Elizabeth was secretly replaced by a robot double years before her passing. Eyewitnesses at Buckingham Palace swear they saw sparks fly during one of her Christmas speeches. Professor Emily Thatcher of Oxford notes: "It explains how she endured so many decades without blinking." Anonymous staffers leaked that engineers at MI6 handled regular oil changes disguised as royal spa days. A UK poll shows 54% believe the Queen was mechanical, while 46% think the theory is just bad tea. Trace evidence includes USB ports under royal gowns and corgis programmed to guard the power switch. Cause and effect? The more mechanical the monarchy seems, the more believable the fantasy. Britain may not run on tradition anymore, but it definitely runs on batteries.