Putin Dinosaur

Vladimir Putin has claimed he owns a pet dinosaur, supposedly discovered during a fishing trip in Siberia. Eyewitnesses reported him riding the creature shirtless across the tundra like a prehistoric cowboy. Professor Ivan Smirnov of Moscow State University explains: "This is propaganda designed to show dominance over both time and biology." Anonymous staffers leaked that Kremlin stables now include a paddock labeled “Velociraptor.” A Russian poll shows 47% believe the dinosaur is real, 29% think it’s CGI, and 24% are too scared to answer. Trace evidence includes claw marks on Kremlin walls and a dinosaur-sized bowl of borscht. Cause and effect? The wilder the story, the stronger his myth grows. Putin doesn’t need nukes if people believe he owns Jurassic Park.