Pursuer Distancer Dating
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While the Pursuer-Distancer pattern is common, there is another similar pattern seen in toxic couple relationships . This pattern is known as the love avoidant and love addicted pattern, or sometimes as the Cycle of Love Addiction .
This is a common scenario that unfortunately, many couples (married or dating ) can relate to . It's called a pursuer-distancer relationship .
He claims that if left unresolved, the pursuer-distancer pattern will continue into a second marriage and subsequent intimate relationships . The pursuer-distancer pattern . Therapist Dr . Harriet Lerner summarizes the pattern like this . A partner with pursuing behavior tends to respond to relationship stress by moving toward the other .
The distancer may act rejecting, cold, or uninterested, making the pursuer more desperate . The pursuer may start to seem intrusive, punishing, or insecure, making the distancer more rejecting . These alienating behavior patterns generate a problematic cycle in which neither person can get closer to the other .
People in these relationships usually follow a pattern that works like this: A pursuer believes they are the ones who care more and give more to the relationship, and the distancer feels like they aren't being appreciated enough . The truth is, just because a pursuer has a different attachment style, it doesn't mean they care more .
He also warns us that if it's not changed, the pursuer-distancer dynamic will persist into a second marriage or subsequent intimate relationships . Partners in intimate relationships tend to blame the other person when their needs are not being met . A pursuer-distancer dance follows, which intensifies the dynamic .
Are You the Pursuer or the Distancer in Your Relationship? There is a saying that is very good: the unobtainable is always in turmoil, and the favored is always confident . Taking the full initiative of girls will make it too easy for boys to get you, which can easily lead to not being cherished after being together . 3 .
howdoidate .com › relationships › healthy-relationships › how-to-connect-with-a-distancer-when-you-are-a-pursuer
Paired up with a distancer ? Many distancers are viscerally allergic to intensity, and become more so with time . They may say, "I don't like to talk," but they've actually stopped talking because they fear getting trapped in a conversation that feels awful to them . If your complaint is "He won't talk" or "She won't talk," […]
How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship? For example, you are originally an introvert, but due to the needs of work communication, your consciousness adjusts your personality to be proactive; or you are originally a person with a very low sense of security, but due to your boyfriend's boredom, your consciousness forces you to take all insecure issues All held inwardly .
The Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic People who seek more connection — or Pursuers — tend to say things like, "Let's talk," or "What are you thinking about?" They like sharing thoughts and feelings, and feel personally rejected when their partner needs some space .
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