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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.


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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue slip out and get just close enough but not quite there. Make your body their prize and make the longing for it the punishment.”
“Grab ice cubes and use them to run along your partner's body while they are restrained,” Saynt says. “Use the ice to stimulate their body and offer a chilling experience.” This can go really well with a blindfold—that way the sub’s other senses, including touch, are heightened.
“What chore(s) does your sub hate doing? Make them do it—meticulously,” Pfeuffer suggests. What better excuse to not have to do the dishes tonight?
If your sub is naughty, take away their table privileges and force them to eat off the floor like a dog.
Tell your sub to get on all fours and act as a stool for you to rest your feet. Dive into a good book and force them to stay still until you’re good and ready to let them get up.
Is your sub being a little brat? “Put your submissive in the corner for a time-out,” Pfeuffer says. “Being ‘grounded’ for a little while can be incredibly effective” in getting them to follow your rules next time.
Dribble hot wax on a naughty sub’s body. Be sure you’re using a body-safe candle (like these from LoveHoney ), unless you really know what you’re doing. You don’t want to cause burns.
“Only allow your sub to pleasure themselves with your permission," Pfeuffer says. "If rules are broken, that permission is revoked." This means you hold the power over whether they experience pleasure or not; their pleasure is a gift you’re allowing them to enjoy in return for good behavior.
Have your sub go to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, or some other ordinary place while wearing a panty vibrator. You can accompany them, if you choose. We love the We-Vibe Moxie , which comes with its own remote for the dom to control.
If your sub breaks the rules, write what they did wrong on their body in permanent marker. Make them wear it around all day so they don’t forget how naughty they were.
Have your sub sit in the shower or bathtub and pee on them. This kind of humiliation play can get messy, so you might want to do it in the nude.
This is a form of “restrictive discipline,” much like giving your sub a “time out” in the corner. If they break the rules, take away something they enjoy as punishment. This could be access to the show they want to watch, their cell phone, or even an orgasm.
This one is taken right out of the old Catholic school playbook. If your sub does something they’re not supposed to, have them write out what they did a hundred times as punishment.
Have your sub wear a collar around. This shows them that they belong to you and you are in control. If you want ideas, we love this one .


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When I was just a sprout of about eight, I really started noticing my sister’s underwear was different than my own. This was in the 50s, when girls of about 12 or so started wearing ‘big girl’ underwear.
For one thing, hers had no flap in the front and felt like silk, althought they were really probably nylon or acetate. I was also fascinated with her petticoats, which were very full, very frilly and very ‘girlish’.
One day, when my sister wasn’t home, I snitched a pair of her panties. They were pink, with lace across the bum – they later called them rhumba panties. I felt them for a while and decided to feel what they felt like on, so stripping off my trousers and underpants, I put them on. They were too big, but not awfully so.
I admired myself in the mirror for a while and then fell on the bed, giggling to myself. I started bouncing up and down while laying face down! After a while, I got a real good feeling ‘down there’ – I believe I actually had an orgasm although of course there was no ejaculation, just a great feeling). In my childish mind, I attributed this feeling to the panties.
So I proceeded, for the next few years, to purloin my sister’s panties and those of my friends’ sisters whenever I could. I also progressed from wearing just the panties to ‘dressing up’ whenever I had the chance. I got rather bold, since I appeared to be getting away with it!
About the time I was 11, my mum and sister were going shopping and I was to be left alone for a few hours. When they had left, I immediately went up to the attic (where my collection was hidden) and – I remember this like it was yesterday – I put on a pair of blue lacy panties, a petticoat and a white dress that used to belong to my sister. I then went back downstairs to play in the living room for a while before attending to other matters.
My good fortune ran out that day – mum had forgotten her purse and just as I got to the bottom of the landing, the front door opened and in she walked with my sister. It’s hard to say which of us was the more surprised!
My sister gave me the strangest look but mum grabbed me by the neck and dragged me out onto the porch (I fought her all the way, to no avail). She proceeded to bend me over the porch rail and flipped up my skirts, showing my little panties. She gave the most exasperated sound and started to paddle my bum with her hand. After a few minutes, she told my sis to get her the strap. Now, I don’t know if any of you have been struck with a razor strap, but it ain’t fun!
She practically melted the material of those panties with that strap, with me screaming and carrying on. “I only have one girl in this house!” Mom was yelling. Meanwhile, I had gotten to the point where the spanking no longer hurt and weirdly started to feel good. I was getting quite excited by all this and it was probably on that day that I became a devout ‘spankophile’.
Thank God, there were few neighbours on our street and I didn’t know any of them, as they had no children! My sister, meanwhile, was giggling and started to laugh at me. Mom was so mad that she didn’t stop to think and had me stand by the wall while she proceed to flip up my sister’s skirts and show her panties (flowered ones) and started to spank her too, saying: “You think this is funny? I’ll show you its not funny!”
Wow! A real girl’s bum in panties right in front of me! OK, it was my sister, but it was a real bum in real panties! It was almost more than I could stand! Anyway my sister got real mad at me because she got a spanking and to make matters worse, she said she was going to tell all my mates at school that I was dressed up as a little girl, and wearing panties. I begged her not to and we made a deal – she wouldn’t tell but would get to spank me some time in the future!
After a year went by, I forgot all about it and continued to wear girl’s clothes whenever I was sure I wouldn’t get caught. I hid them out in the large storage shed at the back of the house. It had two storeys and was quite old so no-one but me went up to the second level!
Mom, I thought, had quite forgotten the whole cross-dressing incident after I apologised and told her I just wanted to see what it felt like to wear all those frilly clothes! I guess she just wanted to believe me.
One Friday afternoon, when I got home, I discovered I was alone. There was a note from mom saying she would be ‘quite late’ and so would Judith. my sister. I decided to go to the shed and play. I dressed and proceeded to do the things I would do, and was really lost in my own world when I heard a noise behind me – it was Judith.
“I th-thought you w-were gonna be l-late,”, I stammered! “Practice was called off,” she said with a smirk, “and now it’s time for you to honour your part of the deal. I’m going to spank you, just like momma.” “Please, no!” I begged. “I’ll do anything else you want but please don’t spank me!”
Well, begging didn’t help and she made me go back to the house with her, where she got the strap and proceeded to whale my bum until I was screaming like a banshee. I was making so much noise that neither of us heard the front door open.
It was our nearest neighbour, Mrs Smyth. She had heard me screeching and thinking I was alone, came to check. She was flabbergasted. Here was a red-faced boy of 12, wearing a dress and panties, being spanked by a much larger girl of 16 who happened to be his sister, wearing a dress that was far too small for her (it was last year’s and she had grown some) so that every time she bent forward her panties were showing.
“Stop that!” Mrs Smyth yelled. Sis, who until then hadn’t noticed her, jumped about a foot in the air and spun around at the same time, giving me a lovely view of her panties. However, I was in no shape to enjoy it at the time. I think she was intent on literally seeing if nylon would melt if enough friction was applied to it! I jumped up also and both of us said ‘Mrs Smyth!’ at the same time, as if this were a very astute observation!
I was trying my best to shrink into the carpet, wishing my clothing was a bit more masculine in appearance, and trying to pull up my very non-masculine panties at the same time!
“What in the name of the Lord is going on here?” Mrs Smyth asked, looking back and forth at us. Meanwhile, I had got my panties up but unfortunately was in an excited state and the dress got caught in the waistband of the panties, so it was quite noticeable!
“I am going to have to tell your mum about this!” she yelled. “Now, both of you go stand in different corners.” She would brook no arguments, and the strap was clearly visible there on the floor!
Well, about an hour later, mum came home and of course the first thing she saw was a grim-faced Mrs Smyth, and her daughter and son (in drag) standing in the corner.
Mrs Smyth gave mum her impression of what had happened. She said it wasn’t just a spanking, it was something sexual and perverted and dirty and…here she ran out of adjectives. By then, both sis and I were crying, knowing we were going to die – whether from embarrassment or from being thrown in the nearest rock quarry!
Mum and Mrs Smyth talked for a while in low tones so we couldn’t hear. Mum then told us to both come over, which we did and she asked us what was going on! She appeared entirely too calm. We both started to speak at once, saying we weren’t doing anything dirty, and tried to explain about the promise I had made – knowing we were making things worse but not knowing how to fix it!
At that, Mrs Smyth piped up: “How do you explain the fact that you were all excited, then?” “Shut up, you old biddy,” I thought but didn’t say. “Yes, how do you explain that, little girl?” my mum asked.
Now, do any of you know how embarrassing it is to explain to three females – one a neighbour, one your sister and the other your mum – that you get excited wearing girls clothes? I didn’t mention that getting spanked by a pretty young female while wearing those clothes was absolute heaven – especially since the female in question was a very close relative.
After mum listened to us carry on for a while, she observed: “Well, we’re getting nowhere with this. Mrs Smyth, would you care to take a hand in the handing out of discipline?” Mrs Smyth agreed, and it was decided that she would use her hand on me (maybe they felt sorry for me) and mum would use the strap on Judith.
Judith was pushed over the arm of the settee and her dress was flipped up. I was in the same position but over Mrs Smyth’s knee. Looking right at my sister’s panty-covered bum, she got hers while I got mine! I soaked my panties – Mrs Smyth didn’t say anything but she noticed! How I found out she noticed is another story.
I still loving dressing up. No, my sister never got a chance to spank me again. Yes, I got caught again – but not by mum. But I still love giving and receiving spanks. My lovely bride of 35 years is also into ‘love spanking’ and we sometimes play out mum and child, with both of us taking different roles at different times – but I’m always the female!
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Maman is an adult website containing recollections of corporal punishment experienced during the contributors' childhoods. By proceeding, you are asserting that you are over the age of majority for the country in which you reside, and you further agree to the use of cookies on this website. Note that although this website contains only legal content, Maman is nevertheless a fetish site and should be considered Not Safe For Work (NSFW). Maman does not advocate corporal punishment for today's children. If you are a mi
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