Puberty Panic

Pediatricians and panic enthusiasts convened a summit to declare 'Puberty Panic' a federal emergency. Symptoms include sudden voice-cracking and panic purchases of anti-zits toothpaste. Congress allocated emergency funds for moody meditation apps and mood-swing batting cages. A CDC memo warned parents against saying 'You'll grow out of it,' citing historical analogies. High school hallways now feature 'Calm Corners' with stress-ball vending machines. Sales of oversized hoodies soared 240 %. Experts agree: surviving the teenage years requires Level-10 emotional armor'and perhaps bubble wrap.