Prostrate Stimulation
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Prostrate Stimulation
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T he penis may be the most visible pleasure center people assigned male at birth have, but it isn’t their only one. The prostate, also known as the " P-spot ," is an internal gland located between the butt and penis. “Its primary function is to produce prostatic fluid , which helps the sperm safely travel down the urethra and toward the egg during P-in-V intercourse,” says Bobby Box , a sex educator with LoveHoney . But, its secondary purpose is to be a vessel of pleasure.
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Chock-full of nerve endings, the prostate is an erogenous zone that can help prostate-owners experience feel-good sensations, says Box. Some people can even have a prostate orgasm when it is either stimulated directly (via anal penetration) or indirectly (through perineum play), he says. Below, Box shares six tips for exactly how to pleasure your partner’s P-spot.
Before engaging in sexual activity of any sort, you need to get your partner’s consent. And, especially if it's a practice you haven't tried before, it's crucial to get clear on the specifics around that new thing, says Box.
To introduce the idea to your partner, send them a link to an article like this one with a note along the lines of, “Just read this and think it could be hot for us to experiment. Let’s chat about it next date night!” Or, directly ask if they’ve ever explored prostate stimulation while masturbating, or want to try it with you.
If anal penetration (whether by butt plugs , anal fingering, anal beads, or anything else) aren’t already part of your partnered play, Box suggests trying to stimulate the prostate indirectly. “Externally, the prostate can be accessed through the perineum, which is the swath of skin between your balls and [anus],” he says. “Apply pressure around the halfway mark, and feel around for something bulbous.”
If you have trouble finding the gland, pause on prostate play and pay more attention to other erogenous zones. “The prostate gland fills with fluid when you're aroused,” he says. So, the hornier your partner is, the easier it will be to find. When you do find it, he recommends experimenting with tapping, pressing, circulating, and massaging.
While there are numerous prostate-stimulation toys, if you’re both down to explore the backdoor, Box recommends starting with anal fingering . The prostate is located two to three inches inside the anal canal, toward the front side of the body. You’ll know you’ve found it when you hit a texture ball of fleshy tissue that feels different than the surrounding body parts.
“Prostate stimulation is more about pressure than technique." —Bobby Box, sex educator
After locating it, pay attention to the pressure you apply. “Prostate stimulation is more about pressure than technique," he says. "Too much pressure, and you’re going to feel like you have to pee. But the right amount of pressure feels like the early stages of an orgasm,” he says. Once you’ve found the correct pressure, start testing techniques. “Trace your finger around the gland, press on it as you would when ringing a doorbell, and experiment with what feels good for your partner,” he adds.
Also, do your partner a solid and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed ahead of putting your pointer in their peach. “The skin in your anus and rectum is thin and sensitive, so be extra careful, as micro tears can happen quite easily,” says Box. If long talons are your signature look, another option is to put on a pair of latex gloves and blunting the tip of your nail by putting a cotton ball underneath, he says.
The initial stages of anal stimulation can be uncomfortable for people who have never received in their rear. That’s because the anal sphincter is a muscle that is accustomed to being in a contracted position. To enter, you have to coax the muscle to relax through feel-good strokes, licks , and laps. “In many cases, a minute or two is all it takes,” he says.
When the hole is ready to be entered, it will pucker, and at that point, “add even more lube , enter slowly, and check in with your partner before going deeper,” he says.
Fingers are the best starting point for prostate stimulation because, well, they’re attached to a human who can feel the way the anal canal is responding in real-time. After a few experiences of going that route, however, you might incorporate a prostate massager, which is designed specifically to stimulate the hidden pearl.
Prostate massagers vary in shape and style, but the many on the market look like G-spot wands or rabbit vibrators. Box's favorite pick is the Loki Wave, $176 , which is designed to move inside the anal canal like a finger while also pressing against the perineum in a pleasurable way. Another good option is the We-Vibe Vector, $140 , which functions more like a butt plug than anything else. Shaped like a curved plug, it’s designed to go in the butt and stimulate the prostate while you play.
Sure, prostate orgasms feel great—many people describe them as being more full-bodied than penile orgasms. And especially considering that an erection isn't a prerequisite, they're great for couples navigating erectile dysfunction . But, prostate stimulation feels good even if it doesn’t take you all the way to orgasm. That’s why Box recommends prioritizing a pleasurable experience over one that ends with climax. This is especially important the first time you explore the erogenous zone, because pressure to feel a certain way is one of the biggest impediments to orgasm in general
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All Your Questions on Prostate Orgasms, Answered
Ryn Pfeuffer
Ryn Pfeuffer is a queer sex and relationships writer, and over the past two decades, her work has appeared in more than 100 media outlets including Marie Claire, Playboy, Refinery29, Shape, The Globe and Mail, The Washington Post, and WIRED.
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Did you know it has health benefits, too?
Curious about prostate massage, and how to do it? We got you.
The prostate—also known as the male G-spot , or P-spot—is a small gland that's walnut-shaped and located about 2-5 inches inside your rectum, towards your stomach. It produces the seminal fluid, or the fluid that mixes with sperm, to create semen. It also multitasks as a gland in the male reproductive system. (Only cisgender men and people assigned male at birth have the prostate gland as part of the male reproductive system.)
A prostate massage is a procedure in which a finger or toy is inserted into the rectum to stimulate the prostate gland—which can feel really, really good.
“The prostate is a highly coveted area of pleasure because it is surrounded by nerve endings,” says Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and co-founder of Future Method . “For anyone who has ever had an orgasm while having their prostate stimulated, they know that it’s a unique orgasm in that it can be felt from head to toe, sending (good) shivers up and down your spine."
Prostate massage can be used for sexual stimulation, commonly referred to as "prostate milking." Inserting a toy, finger, or penis into the anus can stimulate the anus and help achieve arousal, enhance an erection, or relax the rectum. The prostate can also be stimulated externally through the perineum, the area between the anus and the scrotum. If orgasm is achieved strictly through perineum massage, it's sometimes known as a perineum orgasm.
Beyond pleasure, prostate massage is said to help a variety of health conditions , including:
Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH): A noncancerous enlargement of the prostate gland. It develops when changing hormone levels cause the prostate to grow larger. (It's also known as prostate gland enlargement.)
As Men's Health previously reported , a small case study in 2006 found that regular prostate massage combined with medications such as alpha blockers and 5-alpha reductase inhibitors can help alleviate symptoms associated with BPH.
Urinary hesitancy: When a person has difficulty starting or maintaining a stream of urine.
The prostate wraps around the urethra (the tube that carries urine from the bladder and through the penis). Starting around age 25, the adult prostate begins to slowly enlarge. As it grows, it puts pressure on the urethra, which can lead to a number of BPH-related urination problems, according to the Mayo Clinic .
Prostatitis: An infection or inflammation that causes the prostate to become painful and swollen.
According to WebMD , small studies have found that prostate massage several times a week (in conjunction with antibiotics) can help alleviate symptoms of prostatitis. “If done correctly, and over a regularly scheduled time, the individual could see a decrease in prostatitis (localized inflammation—like a clogged drain that’s backed up with lots of pressure),” Goldstein says.
Erectile dysfunction: The inability to get or keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse.
While there isn't a ton of science to indicate that prostate massage can help with ED, some experts still support it. "The theory behind the potential benefit involves an improvement in blood flow resulting from vigorous milking or massaging of the prostate. Because erections are largely the result of good blood flow, any increase could potentially lead to better boners," Joshua R. Gonzalez, MD, previously told Men's Health .
Prostate massage is safe, but it does come with a few risks. The prostate is highly sensitive, which has its pros and cons. “While on one hand, that’s a good thing because the slightest bit of stimulation can be highly pleasurable, on the other hand, it can easily become irritated if it directly stimulated too hard or for too long,” Goldstein says. “When this happens, it causes what’s called prostatitis. What’s ironic is that while too much direct stimulation can cause prostatitis, just enough stimulation can help decrease prostatitis.” So, it’s about finding the right balance and what’s comfortable for you.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the tissues lining the prostate and anus are extremely delicate and prone to cuts, tears, and abrasions. “Micro tears of the anus, called fissures, can happen if you or your partner forgets to cut their nails or if things get too rough,” Goldstein says.
That’s why he prefers using toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation, rather than fingers. “The joints in our fingers are quite flexible and you might hit something that could be painful or uncomfortable,” he says. “Meanwhile, prostate toys have the ideal angle and length to help minimize discomfort and maximize pleasure.” It’s best to proceed slowly, gently, and with plenty of lubrication.
Many people with a penis consider prostate massage to be a pleasurable sexual practice. If you give it a try, there are a few things to keep in mind to prevent injury or irritation:
If you're performing a prostate massage for sexual purposes, here's what to do. (BTW, if you're doing it to a partner—or vice versa—make sure you have their consent before you get started. Prostate massage is not something you want to spring on someone.)
Take a deep breath. You want to be calm and relaxed. Dim the lights. Put on some relaxing music. Do what you need to do to get into the mood.
Goldstein says to start with one or two well-manicured fingers (make sure nails are short and smooth!) that are slippery with lots of lube .
Lube is your friend during prostate play. (The anus and rectum do not self-lubricate like the vagina.) Goldstein recommends silicone lube , because it lasts longer and is slicker than water-based.
Always start small and work your way up. Whether you're using fingers or a toy, if you are new to prostate play, do not go big out of the gate.
Slowly insert a lubed finger into your (or the receiver's) anus. The P-spot can be found 2-4 inches inside the anal canal, on the front or anterior wall of the pelvis. You'll know you've found it when you feel a raised, walnut-sized gland. Use a "come hither" motion to massage the prostate, while applying moderate pressure.
If you're exploring with a partner, the receiver can try masturbating while the other person stimulates their prostate to intensify the sensations.
We're so glad you asked! If you're operating a solo, a prostate massager can help you hit the right spot. (That said, you can also use a prostate massager during partnered sex!) The Lelo Loki Wave provides both prostate and perineum stimulation; the Aneros Stimulator is another great option for self-administered prostate massage.
Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations staff sexologist and author (with Shar Rednour) of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone recommends any Aneros product . “The size and shape differences aren't important in terms of their quality—these are terrific prostate toys. Most of them are non-silicone, which means silicone lube is fine to use with them.” (FYI, silicone lube carries the risk of eroding silicone toys.)
Queen also recommends Svakom's Vick and FunFactory's Duke . “And OhMiBod's Clube Vibe 3.OH Hero is probably the most unique prostate toy on the market because it can pulse to the rhythm of your tunes,” says Queen. She adds that you should use water-based lubes with these, since they are silicone.
However you choose to massage your prostate, you can rest assured that you're doing something good for yourself. “Prostate stimulation allows people to achieve an incredibly powerful orgasm—one that most people will not access (literally) due to the stigma associated with anal play,” says Goldstein. “For most, the ass is the final frontier in sexual exploration and continuing to normalize this part of our body and get rid of the taboo will hopefully allow each of us with a prostate to experience heightened sexual encounters.”
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