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Eric Spitznagel
Eric Spitznagel is a frequent contributor to magazines like Playboy, Esquire, and the New York Times, and was employed for over two decades by the Second City comedy theater, where Stephen Colbert was his Secret Santa _twice.
Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.
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From porn star biopics to sex tape comedies, these are the best porn movies ever made.
Everything about the adult film industry is fascinating. It’s a business where people get paid to have sex with each other while being filmed so that that the footage can be watched later by people trying to masturbate . It used to be profitable, but now everything is free online , and yet somehow there’s more porn content being created than ever in the history of people recording each other fucking, with more video of well-lit carnality than anybody could ever possibly want or need, and nobody’s paying for any of it, and yet porn actors are still calling themselves “stars,” even though there hasn't been a legitimate “porn star” since the 70s, and even then you could only describe them as “stars” if you were using “air quotes.”
My point is, porn has been such a consistently weird part of our cultural history, and a window into our complicated relationship with sex. So why have there been so few mainstream movies about porn? Off the top of my head, I could name dozens of movies about war, and I’ve never been in the military. But I can recall only a handful of watchable movies about porn, and I watch porn… well, a lot. How can something so important to our lives—and lie all you want, but Americans watch a lot of porn, so for better or worse it’s important—be so under-represented?
As it turns out, there have been many, many movies about the peculiar human instinct to record ourselves acting like animals in heat. But most of them are crap. I watched countless hours of dramas and comedies, searching for the cinematic masterpieces (or at least watchable-pieces) that took a long, unflinching look at the seedy underbelly of porn and what the industry reflected back of our own desires and sexual hangups. Yeah, um… turns out those movies are hard to come by.
Most films about porn are in the ballpark of Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star , about a guy who becomes a porn star for having the world’s smallest penis. And that’s one of the better ones. I sat through movies like The Erotic Samurai , a wildly offensive tale of an Asian-American porn star, and Porn Shoot Massacre , a horror film about… spoiler alert… a porn shoot where everybody gets murdered. I sat through films like Jack Jimminy: Porn Extra and Award Winning Indie Lesbian Sex Film because I am a journalist and I am devoted to finding the truth, even if it means watching a lot of girl-on-girl action that never really carries the narrative arc forward.
When you really delve into the art-imitating-porn universe, the pickings are slim. But there are some illuminating films out there. Here are 30 of the best, which tackle not just the weird and damaged people who want to make a permanent record of their sweaty hydraulics, but the rest of us who watch and try to decide if this is something we want to emulate.
It’s that old Hollywood cliche: Boy meets girl, boy finds out girl is a porn star, boy shoots porno with girl during high school prom to earn back money stolen by girl’s porn producer. Despite the cliches, there’s still something charming about The Girl Next Door . Maybe because it feeds into the fantasy that porn actresses are emotionally well-adjusted free spirits who are just one real estate decision away from falling in love with a regular guy. If the women doing DP in your search history just moved in next door, she’d notice you, fall in love, and become your sexual Yoda. A ridiculous idea, sure. But since when has porn had anything to do with realism?
A film that manages to star acting heavyweights like Jeff Bridges, Isaiah Washington, Ted Danson, and Joe Pantoliano despite having a script with references to “carpet munching” and “a half-dozen guys unloading on a gal until she looks like a melted candle.” Bridges plays Andy Sargentee, a middle-aged divorcé with no financial prospects who tries to turn his life around by making amateur porn. In other words, the reason anybody anywhere has ever decided to make amateur porn. Is there another reason porn gets made, other than people with nothing left to lose and bad risk-assessment skills saying, “Might as well try this?”
The critics hated The Amateurs , but everything about it rings true. The director (played by Pantoliano) only gets the job because he took a night school film class and vaguely knows what he’s doing. A local video store employee becomes the cinematographer because he owns his own digital camera. The lead (played by Danson) is a closeted gay guy named “Moose” whose entire self-identity is based on a sexual lie. Any “amateur” porn made in the last thirty years has at least one person who’s only there because he knows how to use the equipment or he’s a sexually confused dude with an animal nickname.
If you've never seen the 1972 smut film Deep Throat , we’ll save you some time. Nobody in the ‘70s shaved their body hair. Like, at all . This docudrama is a far better way to learn anything about history’s most infamous adult film. Amanda Seyfried plays the reluctant star with the legendary gag-reflex, in a sort of Rashomon she said/she said telling of the Deep Throat story. The first version is fun and sexy, with Hank Azaria and Bobby Canavale playing weirdly lovable mob-connected porn producers who say things like, “Ohh, now that is art!” But when the tale is told a second time, Lovelace becomes Linda Boreman, the victim-turned-feminist anti-porn crusader who’s finally able to tell the grisly truth. Lovelace tries (and sometimes succeeds) i
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