Private Person
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Private Person
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by
Lachlan Brown
July 16, 2021, 4:01 am
To a world filled with social media junkies who share their every waking thought on various social media channels – it can feel strange to come across a person who rejects all that and instead chooses to be more private.
So what are the characteristics and traits of a private person, and what can you expect from them?
What makes them feel the way they feel, and why do they choose almost to not participate in the interactions that most everyone else enjoys on a regular basis?
Here are 11 traits and characteristics of private people:
Try finding the social media of a truly private person, and it’ll be like hunting for buried treasure.
A private person will have ensured that every mark of them online has been taken down, or, if they can’t take it down for whatever reason, has been cleaned and removed of anything they don’t want anyone else to see.
Because a private person just doesn’t care to partake in the social media shenanigans that so many other people obsess over.
They don’t need shares, likes, retweets, and hearts; they don’t need the social validation that others crave.
They simply need a way to connect with their friends and to keep up with whatever is most important to them.
It can be incredibly easy to mistake a private person for a boring person, and in many cases, it’s true: private people can live boring, mundane lives that would drive other people mad.
But this isn’t necessarily the case; just because a person likes keeping his cards close to his chest doesn’t mean his life has nothing going on.
What others might think of as boring routines, private people will consider happy stability.
Private people crave the opportunity to keep themselves focused and on a one-track mind, and while that can seem boring to some, it’s also the best way to get things done.
A private person cares deeply about what other people want to tell them because they themselves don’t speak unless it’s important.
They don’t chat for the sake of chatting, meaning they don’t spend their “listening time” simply waiting for the person to stop talking so they can go back to speaking.
Instead, they listen and think. Their response depends on what is being said, and you will never find a private person talking just to hear themselves.
This is partly because they don’t often want to share details about themselves, to begin with, but also because they care deeply about the time other people spend with them.
When people begin prying into a private person’s lives, they can be absolute experts at distracting those people and ultimately changing the topic.
If you ask a private person what they’ve been up to, or any other intimate details about their life, they will find a way to make you forget you asked at all, and point you in another conversational direction.
They’ve done this countless times, both in person and in their head. And it’s not bad to be secretive; a private person has the right to their own privacy and secrecy.
Quiet and reserved people aren’t lone wolves ; just because they’re private doesn’t mean they’re necessarily any less social than the rest of us.
But they’re thousand times more careful and selective with the people they let into their inner circles.
Firstly, because they value their time and the more people they interact with, the less time they have for themselves; and secondly, because they’re looking for a very specific type of person, someone they can deeply trust, and those people aren’t always easy to come by.
The friends of a private person will be people they keep for a lifetime, people they pick up from the various chapters of their lives.
And the great thing about being friends with a truly private person? They will be your best vault for secrets.
No one will be more loyal and truthful with you than a private person, and they will always maintain the integrity of your relationship with them.
While a private person won’t care too much about too many things, those few things that do matter to them, matter to them significantly.
A private person is not easy to convince otherwise, mostly because if they’ve cared about something enough to have a strong belief over it, then chances are, they’ve thought about it for dozens or hundreds of hours, and no quick discussion will change their mind on it.
Private people know what they want, know how they feel, and know what makes them feel those ways, because they’ve spent the introspective time truly analyzing themselves.
You won’t sway the mind of a truly private person, because they’ve already made their opinions bullet-proof.
In an age filled with selfies, hearts, likes, comments, and just the general sharing of social points all the time, it almost seems impossible to turn your back to all of it and say that you just aren’t interested.
But that’s exactly the case with private people, who honestly couldn’t care less about whether one person saw their posts online, or a thousand people did (in those rare instances where they post online in the first place).
Private people don’t need the social validation that social media has trained us to deeply crave; they are happy and secure with who they are, and don’t need any reminders or love from their friends (or followers).
We’re slowly turning into a society where everyone needs to react to everything. Reaction videos, Twitter feuds, and opinions being blasted on every social media channel, 24/7.
Letting go of your emotions and supporting a thousand different causes seems to be the only right choice these days.
But private people don’t let every matter disturb their personal zen.
They understand the power of emotional stability, just how much you can move forward if you don’t waste your day and mental energy bouncing from one meaningless conflict to another.
The ideal private person lives entirely in their own world, knowing the steps that must be taken to reach their individual goals, and they don’t often think about anything outside of their game plan.
Private people are quiet, chill, but also very careful with how they spend their time .
They know more than most that our lives are made up of the minutes in our days, and having the fullest and more productive life means using those minutes carefully and wisely.
So a private person is going to let the tiniest whims distract them from their daily goals.
They know just how important their commitments are, and they aren’t the type to forget what they’re supposed to be doing.
This can make it slightly irritating to be with a private person sometimes, as other people might think they’re constantly rushing from one thing to another.
But to them, they’re just trying to stay on schedule.
It might not seem like it at first, but the more private and reserved a person is, the better of a friend they tend to make.
This is because private people don’t open up to just anyone, unlike extroverts and party-goers who can be friends with anyone in just a few minutes.
So those few people who do manage their way into a private person’s inner circle get to experience one of the strongest friendships they will ever have.
Because if a private person deems you worthy of their time and attention, then they will give it to you as fully and completely as they can.
Remember: private people care about their time, and spending time with someone is a big choice that they make. If you become friends with a reserved individual, expect a friendship full of care and compassion.
Private people tend to think long-term, meaning the day-to-day events and problems that bother most people don’t really concern or bother them.
This gives them the ability to experience the same struggles and obstacles that other people experience without releasing the kind of negative energy that other people might release.
In short, private people are easy to be with.
They don’t get obsessed and emotionally attached to most things, and they care more about their own stability than following the latest trends.
They live by the beat of their own drum, and that’s one of the most attractive qualities about them.
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here .
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter .
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Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. It was founded by Lachlan Brown in 2016.
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September 20, 2021 September 14, 2021 by Barrie Davenport
What’s it like being a private person ?
If you identify as one, you might be inclined to weigh in on this.
Or you might just keep your thoughts to yourself and see if any part of this post makes sense.
We’ve identified nine surprising (or, at the very least, interesting) traits shared by private people everywhere.
If you’re a private person (or you know someone who is), we think you may recognize yourself in some of these behaviors and choices .
Someone with a private personality is very often an introvert with a strong desire for, well, privacy. They don’t share their personal world with anyone but those who’ve earned a place in their inner circle.
With the rest of the world, they’re more likely to shield their identity and their personal business than to advertise either. You’ll soon see why as you read on.
If you’re a private person, the following characteristics should sound familiar. And if you have someone else in mind, ask yourself if any of these apply to them.
You don’t feel the need to share personal stories, nor do you need to get likes, shares, and heart emojis to feel validated by your social media connections .
You don’t hate that kind of attention — as long as it feels genuine and not forced or pitying — but “going viral” is not on your priority list.
You don’t often share pictures of yourself or people you love, because it makes you feel exposed or vulnerable to attack—or invasive questions.
While some social media channels can be useful for your professional purposes, you don’t see a benefit to getting personal on any of them.
You don’t feel a need to be surrounded by friends. It’s enough to have just a few people you can trust with your confidence .
Close friends are there for you when you need them. You’re not just one of many to them, and vice-versa. You choose them carefully. And it hurts more when one of them betrays your trust. In fact, you might never trust them with your confidence ever again.
Much is expected of this intimate circle. But you give at least as much as you receive.
More outgoing people who share more of themselves on social media or their blogs have noticed you don’t do the same. And some of them even take issue with that.
They may feel that you judge them for “oversharing,” so they lash out with insulting or reductive assumptions. It’s not personal—in that it’s more about them than about you.
But it might get to you sometimes (if you let it).
For your part, you don’t mind if people outside your circle of friends consider you boring or closed off. That might even be part of your strategy.
Their assumptions keep them at a safe distance.
When conversations get too personal , you become uncomfortable unless you trust the people around you implicitly. You’ll often answer evasively or even refuse to answer the question and steer the conversation in a different direction.
If that doesn’t work, you find a reason to leave. You won’t sacrifice your privacy to please people who aren’t in your intimate circle and who are asking personal questions out of boredom or curiosity.
So, if you can get people interested in something or someone else (without sacrificing putting anyone’s privacy in the crosshairs), you will.
You’ve learned to pause and consider your response before speaking . Maybe you learned this the hard way, or perhaps this is something you’ve always done (or for as long as you can remember).
As a rule, you don’t blurt things out. And because the more tired or overwhelmed you feel, the more likely you are to say something you might regret, you tend to avoid social situations when you’re feeling run down.
You like having time to reflect on a situation or on someone’s words or actions before you respond to them—partly because, if you don’t, you’re more likely to reveal too much of your private self.
You may not be quick to announce your beliefs to others, but that doesn’t mean they don’t go deep. When you believe something, you believe it with all your soul.
As someone who values your privacy, though, you avoid debating about your beliefs with others. That said, you do recognize that even deeply-held beliefs can be wrong.
You appreciate those who’ve challenged a belief of yours and helped you see its weaknesses. You may not have been receptive to those challenges at the moment, but when something in their argument resonated, it took root.
You don’t see a point in spending time and energy on things that don’t matter to you. And while your social-media-savvy coworkers might tease you for being all-business with your social media presence, you don’t mind.
You’re amply compensated by the things on which you do spend time and energy.
You invest both in building and strengthening relationships that are important to you. You also prioritize doing your best at everything you do. You recognize that how you do little things is how you do life.
And that’s one thing you have no intention of wasting.
You’re usually calm, collected, and non-reactive. Because people are less likely to notice someone whose quiet and whose emotions are well-controlled.
You don’t see a plus side to being completely transparent about your feelings. Maybe you’ve learned the hard way that some people are only too ready to use that against you.
Or maybe your parents were private people, and you’ve inherited that inclination. In any case, you’ve yet to experience any downsides. And, as long as you don’t take privacy to an extreme that alienates the people closest to you, private is not a bad thing to be.
As someone in the habit of thinking before you speak or react, you’re more introspective and more likely to reflect on the world and your place in it.
So, whatever frustration you might feel toward those who insist you’re too private, you’re quick to feel compassion toward anyone in your world who’s hurting.
You’re also more likely to see yourself as responsible for the way you impact others–even if your intentions are good. You know, it’s not enough to have a general feeling of goodwill toward all. Every moment is an opportunity to be more of the person you want to be.
And that person doesn’t ignore suffering if they can do something about it.
If someone you know (or have recently met) describes themselves as a private person, it’s not always clear what they mean by that. Here are a few possible interpretations:
Some who identify as private people do so because they have something to hide, and they don’t want anyone looking at them too closely, else they be discovered—and rejected.
As a rule, though, it’s best not to assume a private person is hiding something shameful.
Context usually offers some clue as to what someone means when they identify themselves this way. In any case, it’s not meant to be taken personally.
Consider the following perks to being a private person:
The benefits make it well worth any grief you might get from people outside your circle. Vulnerability can be a good thing—until it’s not. And while being private can also be taken to an extreme, only you can decide what you’re willing to risk.
Now that you know the characteristics of a private person, which ones stood out for you? And who in your life fits this description?
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