Private Gold 05

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Picked this up on a whim because it was filmed in and named after my home town, and almost managed to watch it all the way through.

And that tells you I didn't get much out of it, because if porn is halfway decent I'll be too horny to watch more than half an hour! But I spent more time laughing at the terrible acting and enjoying the historical view from nearly 20 years on, than getting titillated by the "action".

This was filmed and set in 1995, when democracy in South Africa was barely a year old and life was a lot simpler; when shaved pussy was rare, silicone boobs rarer and shaved balls unheard of; and when Private made films in French, dubbed them into English, then voiced them over back into French...

The principal actors in this movie and its sequel are (I believe) supposed to be South Africans, a criminal recently released from jail and a prosecutor or attorney, but they just don't *look* local at all. Maybe it's because the final voice-over on the version I saw had been re-done into Russian or Serbo-Croat or some Balkan language or another, but those two just look European to me. Well all the male stars look they come from Eastern Europe, definitely no WASPS amongst them. The girls are (with one notable exception) a little less overtly swarthy, all pretty, and all at least reasonably well proportioned. Only one female is not Caucasian, and she is a very African-looking black (could easily have been a local, but I couldn't find her credit so I don't know who she is).

So I have no idea what the plot is about. Some guy comes out of prison, his buddies pick him up (and hug him like South African guys just don't do) and then a bunch of screwing starts to happen. Well what else do we expect...

A few things you have to know if you are going to watch a Pierre Woodman film, and first and foremost is that there is going to be anal. Every time. There will also be several gang-bang scenes and no-one takes their time about getting nekkid. It's all pretty much hi how are ya why haven't you got your tits out yet and before anyone draws their second breath the chick is sucking cock. The acting is solid wood (well that's why you watch porn, right?) ;-) the locations are - well, odd, and the costumes very low budget; but all that makes it sound like this is a terrible movie and it isn't. As adult films go, it's really not that bad, and I've seen a lot worse. The sex is all pretty solid and un-faked (no Viagra!) with the men all decently erect and properly aroused (and they are not the muscle-bound gorillas that seem to be dominating porn nowadays, but average) - and there a couple of pretty well-hung dudes amongst them, I might add; the girls as I have mentioned are not bad looking and look like they are having fun at least. Couple of very nice butts here.

I do have a minor issue with the way the script kinda assumes that all females are basically just panting to screw a guy - any guy, any time, any where, and the more the merrier - but I guess that's all part of the porn film fantasy, right? Basically the exact reverse of reality, where a girl needs a reason to have sex, a guy just needs a place? :-) So what we have here is nearly 2 and a half hours of solid hard-core that would give modern website porn a good run for its money. If you're into hairy, and would like your porn to have more than zero plot line, find (the Englsh version of) this film and settle back with your favourite toy and a bottle of... beer? Lube? And enjoy. :-D
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