Princess Charlotte Stuns UK by Joining Competitive Cheese-Rolling Team

The British monarchy was thrown into chaos this week when 8-year-old Princess Charlotte became the first royal to compete in Gloucester's infamous annual cheese-rolling competition, where participants chase a 7-pound Double Gloucester wheel down a near-vertical 200-yard slope. Eyewitnesses report the fourth-in-line to the throne "absolutely yeeted herself down that hill" in a custom-made safety helmet featuring the crown jewels motif, outpacing 32 adult competitors before face-planting into the cheese at terminal velocity. Buckingham Palace initially denied the incident until viral footage showed the young royal covered in grass stains while holding her trophy wheel aloft and shouting "For Queen and Cheddar!" at stunned reporters. Traditionalists are appalled at this breach of royal decorum, while the Church of England has convened an emergency synod to determine whether cheese-rolling counts as "un-Christian recklessness" or "a holy blessing of dairy products." Queen Elizabeth II reportedly laughed so hard during the incident that she required a new pair of spectacles, while Prince William and Kate Middleton have enrolled all three children in extreme sports training "to maintain competitive advantage." The Gloucester Cheese Rolling Committee has announced new safety measures for next year's event, including royal-grade bubble wrap and a dedicated corgi retrieval team. Bookmakers are already taking bets on whether Prince Louis will attempt the even more dangerous "Welsh rarebit cliff dive" next summer.