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I've added several new dvd's and vhs video's on my site including a new dvd where I get pregnent by one of my black lovers. I end up breaking the news to my husband as he plans to do an interview with me about an up coming meeting I'm having with my black lover. Instead it turns out to be the time that I tell him while being taped that I'm 3 months pregnant with a black baby. My husband is in shock at first, than asks a bunch of questions about when it happened. Well, I tell him that it happened while doing a video which we have and that it couldn't be him since my husband had a vasectomy. The video also shows me at different times over that 3 months as I'm coming home from a date and a couple times dressed to go out on a date. If you would like to see some pictures and maybe buy the video or dvd, you can visit my site at www.karenkayonline.com
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My wife gave birth to a (black)baby that clearly isn't mine, and I'm divorcing her. But I'm worried about the relationship between my two kids and their new half-sister.
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A month ago, my wife gave birth to a black baby girl. We're both white, so she was forced to admit that the child was a result of a one night stand last year.
I've started divorce proceedings, although we're still living together for now. Between our two boys(aged 2 and 4, I've had paternity tests for them and they came back positive), her infant daughter and her having lost her job due to COVID, living together as amicably as possible until the divorce is settled is an unfortunate necessity.
Naturally I have no ill will towards the baby, and I've been disgusted by some of the comments I've heard from family members, friends, coworkers and others, all who seem to be fixated on the racial angle of this. As if the most salient part of this isn't that my wife cheated, but that she cheated with a BLACK man and that the baby is BLACK.
What really worries me is that my two sons might pick up on these narratives. They're too young to really understand what's happening now, but I'm worried that as they grow to understand the situation that they might grow to resent their half-sister for "breaking up their parents marriage". And worse that their resentment might express itself in a racist fashion, under the influence of the aforementioned racist narratives.
Any thoughts on how I should try to influence my son's away from that perspective? It probably doesn't help that we live in a suburb with very few black people and their half-sister is really the only black person my children know.
I’ll tell you what my dad did and you can use the info as you will: he invited my little brother, who was not his child, along with me to stay during the weekend. My brother wasn’t the product of infidelity or anything, he’s just my half brother. My stepdads son. But I didn’t know for a while because my dad brought him along to the museums, and the water parks, and the movies, etc. pretty much anytime I was at his place, my little brother was too, and he never complained. He loved my brother. So that’s an option. You can have the baby come with your sons occasionally, make sure they’re treating her okay, and be an example for his to treat their sister.
Hmmm I’m no parent, but I think telling the boys to love their sister no matter what, would do the situation some good. Or at least to keep that message consistent through their upbringing.
Thank you. I agree that consistent messaging is important- probably need to coordinate that with their mother as well.
Or maybe change the narrative? Correct individuals who focus on the aspect of a black baby instead of the root of the problem. Call out racism no matter the offenders relationship or reasoning for it. You need to set the example for your kids.
Yeah, and include their sister in things you do for and with them. You don’t have to pay support, clearly, but don’t do the bullshit thing of excluding a child (no matter its parentage) from being with family.
I've been disgusted by some of the comments I've heard from family members, friends, coworkers and others, all who seem to be fixated on the racial angle of this. As if the most salient part of this isn't that my wife cheated, but that she cheated with a BLACK man and that the baby is BLACK.
Look these people straight in the eye and ask them if they would have been ok with your wife's cheating if she had slept with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white man.
Also, if you can at all avoid it, don't leave your kids alone with any of these people. You'll need to be there to tell them "stop talking about my kids' sister like that."
Hah. I'll think I'll be saying that more or less verbatim ;)
Look these people straight in the eye and ask them if they would have been ok with your wife's cheating if she had slept with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white man.
Sadly, it does appear that it would have been less egregious to them if this was the case. They'd never admit it though.
Also, it's tangential but as a non-American the remnants of the 'one drop rule' in modern day US society are so surprising to me. OP talks about how this is a 'black' baby when the kid is equally as white as she is black. But rather than mixed, she is called black completely erasing her white side. Not pertinent to the post but odd to me nonetheless.
I mean, it depends on what the comments are. It's no surprise people are bringing up the fact that a white couple birthed a black baby and that's how it came out that she had an affair and the baby wasn't his. It's a pretty juicy bit of gossip.
I was literally reading this like ‘ohhh, they wish she had a kid she could have passed off as OPs’
Thank you! We were planning on handling the divorce without lawyers, but I'll have to arrange a meeting with a lawyer to discuss this.
Ship might have sailed if the wife put his name down as the father on the birth certificate. I've heard horror stories about this and how the "father" is on the hook for child support even though it's not his 🤦♂️.
Firstly, I'm really sorry about saying this but holy crap, this must have been so fucking awkward when the baby came out, it's like a scene from a comedy movie, the doctors/nurses must have felt so bad.
Now that's over with, if you really want just treat the child like you would any other child she had after you broke up.
I'm not sure how true this is, but I read somewhere on the internet that nurses will generally ask a mother who is about to give birth if she wants the father in the room for the delivery in case he is not the father. I'm sure that there are plenty of other legitimate reasons why an expectant mother might not want the father in the delivery room, but I heard that questionable paternity is one of the main reasons they ask.
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