Pregnant Trap

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Pregnant Trap
IN MY SHORT time as a teacher in Connecticut, I have muddled through President Bush's No Child Left Behind act, which tied federal funding of schools to various reforms, and through President Obama's Race to the Top initiative, which does much the same thing, though with different benchmarks. Thanks to the Feds, urban schools like mine are swimming in money. Our facility is state-of-the-art, thanks to a recent $40 million face-lift, with gleaming new hallways and bathrooms and a fully computerized library.
Here's my prediction: The money, the reforms, the gleaming porcelain, the hopeful rhetoric about saving our children — all of it will have a limited impact, at best, on most city schoolchildren. Urban teachers face an intractable problem, one that we cannot spend or even teach our way out of: teen pregnancy. This year, all of my favorite girls are pregnant, four in all, future unwed mothers every one. There will be no innovation in this quarter, no race to the top. Personal moral accountability is the electrified rail that no politician wants to touch.
My first encounter with teen pregnancy was a girl named Nicole, a pretty 15-year-old who had rings on every finger and great looped earrings and a red pen with fluffy pink feathers and a heart that lit up when she wrote with it.
My main gripe with Nicole was that she fell asleep in class. Each morning — bang! — her head hit the desk. Nicole's unmarried mother, it turned out, worked nights, so Nicole would slip out with friends every evening, sometimes staying out until 3 a.m., and then show up in class exhausted, surly, and hungry.
After I made a dozen calls home, her mother finally got back to me. Your daughter is staying out late, I reported. The voice at the other end of the phone sounded abashed and bone-weary. "I know, I know, I'm sorry," she repeated over and over. "I'll talk to her. I'm sorry."
For a short time, things got better. Encouraged, I hectored and cajoled and praised Nicole's every small effort. She was an innately bright girl who might, if I dragged her by the heels, eventually survive the rigors of a community college.
Then one morning, her head dropped again. I rapped my knuckles on her desk. "Leave me alone, mister," she said. "I feel sick."
There was a sly exchange of looks among the other girls in class, a giggle or two, and then one of them said, "She's pregnant, Mr. Garibaldi."
She lifted her face and smiled at her friends, then dropped her head back down. A moment later she vomited, and I dispatched her to the nurse. In the years since, I've escorted girls whose water has just broken, their legs trembling and wobbly, to the principal's office, where their condition barely raises an eyebrow.
In our society, perversely, we celebrate the unwed mother as a heroic figure, like a fireman or a police officer. During the last presidential election, much was made of Obama's mother, who was a single parent. Movie stars and pop singers flaunt their daddy-less babies like fishing trophies.
None of this is lost on my students. In today's urban high school, there is no shame or social ostracism when girls become pregnant. Their friends throw baby showers at which meager little gifts are given. After delivery, the girls return to school with baby pictures on their cell phones or slipped into their binders.
Teenage girls like Nicole qualify for a vast array of welfare benefits from the state and federal governments: medical coverage when they become pregnant (called Healthy Start); later, medical insurance for the family (Husky Healthcare); child care (Care 4 Kids); Section 8 housing subsidies; the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program; cash assistance.
In theory, this provision of services is humane and defensible, an essential safety net for the most vulnerable — children who have children. In practice it is a monolithic public endorsement of single motherhood — one that has turned our urban high schools into puppy mills. The safety net has become a hammock.
The young father almost always greets the pregnancy with adolescent excitement, as if a baby were a new Xbox game. In Nicole's case, the father's name was David. David manfully walked Nicole to class each morning and gave her a kiss at the door. I had him in homeroom and asked if he planned to marry her. "No" was his frank answer.
Boys without fathers, like David, cultivate an overweening bravado to overcome a deeper sense of vulnerability. There's a he-man thing to getting a girl pregnant that marks you as an adult in the eyes of your equally unmoored peers. But a boy's interest in his child quickly vanishes. When I ask girls if the father is helping out with the baby, they shrug. "I don't care if he does or not," I've heard too often.
As for girls without fathers, you walk on eggshells with them. You broker remarks, you negotiate insults, all the while trying to pull them along on a slender thread. Their anger toward male authority can be lacerating.
With Nicole, I dug in. In journalism class, I brought up the subject of teen pregnancy and suggested that she and a friend of hers, Maria, write a piece together about their experiences. They hesitated; I pressed the matter. "Do you think getting pregnant when you're a teenager is a good thing or a bad thing?"
"My mom and my grandma both got pregnant when they were teens, and they're good mothers."
"Nobody gets married anymore, mister," Maria and another mother, Shanice, chime in. "You're just picking on us because we have kids."
As much as Nicole is aware of her mother's sacrifices, she is equally proud of her mother's choice to keep her. It's locked away in her heart like a cameo. The talk turns to her mother's loyalty and love, and soon the class rises in a choir to mom's defense.
"Fine," I say. "If that's your position, like any good journalist, you have to back up your arguments with facts and statistics."
As do most of my 11th-graders, Nicole reads at a fifth-grade level, which means I must peruse the articles and statistics along with her. She counts the number of pages before she reads. With my persistent nudging, she and Maria begin to pull out statistics: 63 percent of all suicides are individuals from single-parent households. The same is true for 75 percent of adolescents in chemical-dependency hospitals, and for more than half of all youths incarcerated for criminal acts.
"I don't want to write about this!" Nicole complains.
Maria, in particular, rebels. She wants to recast the article in a rosier vein and talk about how happy her son makes her. A father myself, I understand a parent's love. Our talk turns more sweetly to teething cures, diaper rashes, and solid food. I suggest ways of incorporating that love into the piece, while also hoping that some of these grim statistics have gotten through to the girls.
As morbid as it sounds, the students take an interest in obituary writing. I have them write their own obits, fictional biographies that foretell the arc of their lives. From Nicole's, I learn that her mother was 16 when she had Nicole, her father 14. After high school, the fictional Nicole went on to have four more kids whom she loved dearly and who loved her dearly. She died of old age in her bed, leaving six grandchildren.
"Nicole, you never got married?" I remarked.
"No," she responded with a note of obstinacy in her voice.
"I think you would make a wonderful wife for someone."
"I would make a good wife," she replied. "But I'm not going to get married."
As Nicole entered her third trimester, she had a minor complication with her pregnancy and disappeared for nearly two weeks. She returned, pale and far behind in my classes. She no longer had to report to two classes: physical education and a science lab where strong chemicals were used. Since openings in my schedule coincided with the vacant spots, I was asked to be her chaperone.
For five weeks, Nicole became my shadow. If I had cafeteria duty, she'd trot along. I'd buy her a candy bar and she'd plop down on the seat beside me. I'd escort her on her restroom runs, and wait for her outside the door.
The father in me wanted to be protective and kind, but Nicole was becoming too connected with me. She blew off assignments regularly now. Life had allowed her to slide before, through every year of her education, as others in her life had slid — starting with her father, whom she barely recalled.
Nicole failed both my classes, but when she returned the following year, she was in good spirits. The birth of her son had gone well. She had a heart-adorned album full of photos of her boy. Things were settled, she said. She was going to work hard this year; she felt motivated, even eager. And by year's end, her reading level had indeed risen nearly two grades — but it was still far below what she would need to score as proficient.
The path for young, unwed mothers — and for their children — can be brutal. I once had a student named Jasmine, who had given birth over the summer. One day, I observed her staring off mulishly into space for nearly the entire period, not hearing a word I said and ignoring her assignment. At the end of class, I took her aside and asked, with some irritation, what the matter was.
Her eyes welled with tears. "I gave my son to his father to look after yesterday. When I picked him up, he had bruises on his head and a cut." Her son was 6 months old.
Honestly? I just wanted that day to go by. But we have a duty to our students, both moral and legal. "You have to be a brave mama and report him," I said. I led her to the office and to the school social worker, and I tipped off the campus trooper. Even with that support, she backed off from filing a complaint and shortly afterward dropped out of school to be with her baby.
My students often become curious about my personal life. The question most frequently asked is, "Do you have kids?"
The next question is always heartbreaking.
Every fall, new education theories arrive, born like orchids in the hothouses of big-time university education departments. Urban teachers are always first in line for each new bloom. We've been retrofitted as teachers a dozen times over. This year's innovation is the Data Wall, a strategy in which teachers must test endlessly in order to produce data about students' progress. The Obama administration has spent lavishly to ensure that professional consultants monitor its implementation.
Every year, the national statistics summon a fresh chorus of outrage at the failure of urban public schools. Next year, I fear, will be little different.
From a longer article by Gerry Garibaldi that appears in the Winter 2011 issue of City Journal . Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.
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Different strokes for different folks, they say. There are a lot of possible reasons why your girlfriend or wife is trying to trap you with the pregnancy; some may include
While this may not be for ulterior motives, your girlfriend or partner may feel the need to reinforce the bond you share and the only way to go about it is to create an extra bond with you through a baby.
Doing this, she’s more relaxed about the possibility of your relationship hitting rock bottom.
2. To fulfill her motherhood desires
That way, she can successfully shove you into unplanned fatherhood while she enjoys her motherhood.
3. Benefits of being your baby mama
If she’s aware of the benefits, she stands to gain, either while pregnant or through child support and they seem quite juicy, this can be a good enough reason to trap you with a baby bump.
This is a convenient reason why many women choose to be baby mamas to do well for men and not just for money, and your traits can be a reason also.
Beyond just money, if she likes certain traits about you, she may consider having a baby with you with or without your knowledge, and that too can be a trap.
She may want to get you back after a breakup, and she knows that the fastest way to get you to pick up your calls is by pulling the pregnancy stunt.
This may not be true, but to get you talking to her again, this is a step closer. If the situation changed where it happens that there was no pregnancy she’d have a well-thought-out plan of a well-cooked miscarriage story which would be told right after you both must have gotten back together.
As a couple, sensitive topics like childbearing should be a mutual thing. Both of you have to be on the same page as regards childbearing if it is genuine.
You’re supposed to discuss if you want children and when you want to have them, and it should be convenient for both of you.
So when you begin to ask such questions, it is likely that you two are not on the same page as regards childbearing, especially if you’ve shown some reluctance whenever she brings up the topic, then the pregnancy is most likely to be a trap.
If you’ve been looking for signs she is trying to trap you with the pregnancy, here is a list of things to look out for. This may not be so for all but the majority, it is what they exhibit.
1. The pregnancy came right after a breakup
If you both recently broke up and suddenly she’s pregnant, chances are she’s trying to use the pregnancy as bait to get back with you.
Even if you haven’t formally called off the relationship, but she’s beginning to sense the breakup vibes from your end, she’d most likely pull the stunt to keep you from leaving.
The best way to confirm this is by carrying out a pregnancy test immediately after she breaks the news to you delaying a minute, and there’d be another story of a miscarriage which will be after you must have gotten back together.
2. She Wants To Get You Committed To The Relationship 
If you haven’t shown any sign of commitment after a while of being together, she can use pregnancy to get that, and if that is the news, it is likely to be a good set-up trap.
3. You’ve made it clear To Her That You Don’t Want Kids, Now
If you told your partner that you’re not ready for kids now—there’s every chance the pregnancy might be a trap.
She may not be paying any attention to your thoughts or how you feel about fatherhood, or she probably may have convinced herself that you’re going to be fine when the baby arrives.
She might feel you’re just apprehensive about committing, so she decides to take the decision away from you and make the decision for both of you.
In the end, she’ll come up with excuses like an accident, but it was her plan all along.
Traps like this may be direct or indirect. A direct trap is one where her sole intention is to secure your relationship or financial support.
An indirect trap is a kind where her sole objective is to have a feeling of motherhood; you’re being trapped in fatherhood may be irrelevant to that objective. Your gene is the only thing important to her. Beyond that, you may or may not be that important to her.
There are good reasons a lot of women go off birth control pills. Some feel sick while taking them; others have a surge in hormonal changes, mostly happening in the first few weeks of taking the pills.
Also, others have their IUD (Intrauterine Device) fallout without knowing. This is also during the first few weeks or months of inserting it.
However, if she’d been on pills for a while or she has been using an IUD and suddenly she no longer gives the above as her reasons, the pregnancy is likely to be a trap.
5. She Gave You the Go-Ahead During Intercourse 
If during intercourse she manages to convince you of her safe period and months later she tells you she is pregnant, that is a trap.
It is quite understandable for women with irregular menstrual cycles to lose track of their ovulation period and fertility window, but knowing her safe period should be easy for a woman with a regular cycle.
If your woman is the type with a regular cycle and convinced you that she was safe during intercourse, the pregnancy wasn’t a mistake on her part; she knows what she is doing. It is a trap.
If she got pregnant the day she seduced you into having sex with her, chances are that the pregnancy is a trap.
Women are most likely to conceive during their ovulation period. They are aware of these things; it is not a new thing to them.
So if your woman broke the news about a baby bump and your calculations tally with the days she was most fertile, she’s trapping you with the pregnancy.
If after she’d told you about the pregnancy and then a miscarriage happened at a very convenient time for her, the pregnancy was a trap, and she must have gotten what she wanted from doing that.
Say she told you about the pregnancy you weren’t expecting and then later returns with the news of a miscarriage that happened quite silently without any pieces of evidence of it ever happening. She must have used the pregnancy as a trap.
8. She Stands To Gain A Lot from Being Your Baby Mama
During the relationship, she may have realized that there’s a lot to gain from being the mother of your child; she’d do whatever she can to make this a reality, even if it means trapping you with a pregnancy you’re uncomfortable with.
There are a lot of potential pregnancy benefits that might motivate a woman to get intentionally get pregnant. She may want to:
These signs could be in play even if she acts to be very disappointed about the pregnancy. All those dramas could be a show to cover her tracks.
If you weren’t expecting the news of a baby on the way and your wife or girlfriend just served it to you and now you’re wondering if it is a way to trap you down, here are the signs that she wants to trap you with the pregnancy.
They may not all be for ulterior reasons but pregnancy should be planned by the both of you and if that is not the case then she’s most likely using the pregnancy as a trap to get what she wants, you should be on alert for these signs.



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Home » Relationships » How to Trap a Guy Into Getting You Pregnant? (A comprehensive guide)
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The best answer to the question “How to trap a guy into getting you pregnant?” is that you shouldn’t, because it is just plain wrong and there is nothing to justify such a thing.
If you want to trap a guy into getting you pregnant because you want him to stay with you or ensure that he won’t leave you, you need to find a way to tell him your fears and not trap him with something that will change both your lives dramatically.
Relationships do not stay healthy because there are babies involved, they stay healthy and strong because people love each other
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