Pregnant Gf

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Thinking about abandoning pregnant GF...
Thinking about abandoning pregnant GF...
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My GF is pregnant and I was really excited to be a dad when I first got the news. Problem is we went to prenatal screening and found out there is a high risk of Down syndrome. A follow up diagnostic test confirmed the baby has Down syndrome.
I want an abortion because I am not prepared to raise a child with Down syndrome. This is not me bashing Down syndrome people by the way, itβs just not something Iβm prepared to do. My GF doesnβt want an abortion though so thereβs nothing I can do about that.
At this point Iβm considering just ending the relationship. Iβd pay whatever Iβm required to by law, but otherwise move on with my life. My GF obviously decides whether to take the pregnancy to term, but I feel like I have a right to leave given how immensely different a child with Down syndrome is as far as responsibilities and future grand children.
Anyway, Iβm asking for advice about how to break the news to my GF. I obviously have to tell her ASAP so that she can make an informed decision. But I donβt want to come across as manipulative.
I realise Iβm coming across like a heartless prick here, but I genuinely care about my GF and want to do this in the best way possible for her emotionally
There's no easy way about it just tell her as soon as possible so she can make an informed decision and to add to this make sure she understands that depending on the severity of the down syndrome she may have to care for the child permanently as there is a possibility that the child will never be independent
Forgive me for hijacking a top comment, but there is a valuable piece of information people need to know in this situation. There are people who specifically want to adopt kids with Downs Syndrome as infants. Adoption is absolutely an option. Your doctors wonβt tell you about it, but adoption agencies will. Itβs an option that is compassionate for the child and for the natural parents and for the adoptive parents. Not preaching to anyone, just making accurate information available to people who need it.
EDIT: Hey, thanks, I never got gold before!
Actually there are companies like the one I work for that care for many individials with developmental disabilities. They live in a CILA (community inhome living arrangements) basically its like they are roomates in a home and staff is always there to help teach, coach, mentor these individuals with day to day life and goals to be more independent. Ive seen some hold their own gaurdianship and are able to live on their own. Ive known some very high functioning people with downs that hold jobs and pay bills like everyone else.
This should be top answer. Tell her immediately so she knows she's going to be doing this alone. That may definitely impact her decision.
as there is a possibility that the child will never be independent
99.9999999999999999% possibility. I know a lot of people dont like ot hear it but its probably more humane to abort at times like this
I used to work with this guy for many years. He is a smart dude, programmer by trade but took a really shitty job. I always wondered why he was working there with me at this shitty database programming job until one day another coworker of mine takes me to his house to do some remodeling job (job on the side).
This is when I meet his daughter, she acts like a little kid although she is like in her 20's. I didn't know how to act, it felt so weird.
So all his life, he has to take jobs that are near his house so he can leave when school ends and pickup his daughter. He is really restricted to what he can do, zero freedom really for him.
She tried to burn down the house multiple of times, even stabbing herself and others. I was told that the girl is autistic and can't be left alone for a minute.
But the story doesn't end there. He has two daughters like that. Poor man.
Iβm a special education teacher. When parents of children with Down Syndrome use the word βindependentβ to refer to their child, it means something very different from what the word means in reference to a typical child.
I'm really sorry you're in this situation, especially since this was an unplanned pregnancy to begin with.
I just thought I'd comment with my own experiences. My younger brother has Down's Syndrome and is now 25 years old. My parents split when he was about 3 and he lived with me and my mum.
My mum was an all around good soul. Had a tough life but took everything in her stride and always helped others and sent out positive energy. She was great with my brother and did a great job raising him (and me) as a single mother with very little involvement from my dad.
Unfortunately my mum passed away almost 10 years ago now, and since then I've been living alone and my brother went to live with my dad. My dad has his own problems but looks after my brother as best he can. The thing is, it really takes a toll on my dad who is now in his 60s.
I was also going through my mum's old things recently looking for recipes and I found her old journal. I decided to read it and a lot of the stuff she wrote about was how tough it was coping with constantly looking after my brother. I was really surprised by this as on the surface she seemed to be doing fine. For me it really highlighted that even the 'perfect' people who are super patient and appear to just be able to handle anything, can also be suffering in silence without anyone else knowing.
One of my biggest fears is that someday when my dad passes away I'm going to be stuck with my brother... I don't want kids of my own, let alone the responsibility of looking after a special needs adult. I've basically already decided that when the time comes I'll be putting my brother into a group home (or similar) but I definitely won't be his full-time carer or anything like that. People will likely think I'm a bad brother or person for doing this (my dad certainly already thinks that) but ultimately we need to choose our own paths in life.
As has already been mentioned in the comments, most depictions of people with Down's Syndrome in the media or news are not realistic. Yes, they are pure, and happy, and have big personalities. Some can be somewhat independent. But in my experience, from both my brother and seeing other kids in groups my brother used to belong to, the reality is that the vast majority will need someone looking after them for the rest of their lives. If you're honest with yourself and know that's not the life you signed up for, I applaud your honesty and think you should have that difficult conversation with your girlfriend.
Group homes can be amazing places where the intellectually disabled can explore their independence to the best of their abilities.
One of the people with Down's that I used to work with had a girlfriend, visited the stores regularly on his own to buy Cheetos and pop on the weekend, and enjoyed regular game nights with his friends.
His parents visited fairly often, much as they might visit any adult child, and for the most part he was a pretty happy dude.
It's not an easy path. A friend of my mom's has a son who has Down's Syndrome. He may have some other issues going on, but he's violent. He's tried to grab his mother from behind while they were driving somewhere, so that's not really something they can do. As a kid, he would bite. She has money, so he has caretakers, but no one knows what will happen to him when she dies. His mom is in her 70s, his father killed himself because of the severity of the son's illness, and other factors, and the son is 44.
I'm an older brother of a boy with Down's Syndrome, and I've had those same thoughts: "Am I gonna be able to take care of him if something happens to our parents? Will I have a job that can support us? Will I have to change his diaper?"
I don't think you're a bad brother at all for accommodating him in a group home.
So your dad think you are a "bad person" for not wanting to take care of your brother when he pass away? He left your mother when the child was 3 and left her with all responsabilities. Who is the bad person?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPeT62FKGHw
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cdf4xr/thinking_about_abandoning_pregnant_gf/
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