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Many parents are alarmed to find their young child engaged in genital stimulation. It can feel as though part of the child’s innocence is lost. However, in young children, genital stimulation is not associated with sexual activity. Genital stimulation can take the form of rubbing with hands or rubbing against other objects such as a pillow, stuffed animal or the bed. Exploring his or her genitals provides a feeling of pleasure, that once discovered, the child will most likely repeat.
Children should never be punished or shamed for playing with their genitals, as this can have major effects on their self-esteem and comfort with sexual activity as adults.
Babies often tug on their genitals, just as they tug on their toes or ears.
Boys often find their penises accidentally, possibly during a diaper change around six to seven months of age and become curious (just like their fascination with other parts of their bodies, such as fingers, toes and ears).
Girls often don’t discover their vulva (female external genitalia) until about ten to eleven months of age.
Potty training can be another time when there is curiosity about the genital area. Boys will play with their penises. Girls may even insert things into their vaginas.
Most children—both boys and girls—play with their external sex organs or “private parts” fairly regularly by the age of 5-6 years. By age 15, almost 100% of boys and 25% of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm.
Again, it is important to remember that children do not generally associate this activity with sexuality or adult relationships until closer to puberty. Genital play is often used simply as a form of self-comfort.
Most often, genital stimulation is a normal part of childhood development. There are some cases, however, when it may be a signal for something more concerning. In these cases, you should discuss your concerns with your pediatrician:
If genital play becomes a time consuming activity for your child, look for possible underlying reasons. Is your child stressed and in extra need of comfort? Or are they stressed and need time to be calm? Is your child bored? Is the behavior being reinforced by adults over-reacting to activity? If any of these seem to be the case, the underlying reason should be addressed.
Toddlers and preschoolers do not really understand the social implications of genital stimulation, because, as noted earlier, they don’t associate it with private behaviors that occur between adults. To them, it may be no different than playing with their ears, twirling their hair or picking their nose. Don't make a big deal out of it. Children enjoy attention of any sort, whether it is negative or positive. If you make genital stimulation into a big deal, you could end up reinforcing the behavior and actually see more of it. Here are some positive ways for parents to keep their kids from playing with genitals in public:
Reviewed by Sara Laule, MD Updated November 2020
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