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In intimate detail, one woman describes the first time she *almost* had sex during her freshman year at NYU.
and I knew that I wasn't ready to have one-night stand,
but I was also really horny all the time
and honestly, I would've slept with anyone
My sober self knew that I wasn't ready,
I wore a decidedly puritanical outfit
Like, just the like the ugliest bra you could think of.
We go to the party and I get drunk.
There was like, beer pong and people were shotgunning
and mixing all sorts of flavored vodkas.
I sort of loved it and hated it at the same time.
And I see this guy who's wearing a frat shirt,
and I was like, You, you're perfect.
I don't think we exchanged any words.
And at one point, he was like, Wait, pause,
on my friend Shula's dorm room wall.
to go back to his dorm room and hook up.
I do remember sort of panicking on the way there,
knowing that his expectations and mine were different
He took off my shirt, and the first thing he said
At this point I'm sobering up a little bit,
and I think, Am I gonna go through with this?
But I wanted to be polite, I didn't wanna offend him.
So I was just going with the strategy of distracting him.
So I was like, What kind of books do you like?
And he was like, I don't really read,
and kept pulling at my skirt, trying to get it off.
And I was like, Okay, but if you had to pick
just one book that you've read that you really liked.
And he was like, Okay, who's the guy
and certified academic asshole, was aghast.
and he kept kissing my neck and just littering my body
with all these horrible teenage-y hickeys,
And so I just went with the first thing
that popped in my head, I'm on my period,
It was like, Can you at least do anything?
And my closing line was, Not if you like Michael Crichton.
As I'm walking home, I have my shoes in my hand
and don't feel bad about offending a bro at a party
because you don't owe them anything.
Learn how to say no in whatever way you know how.
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Richard Hartley-ParkinsonThursday 6 Oct 2016 9:26 am
A student teacher has spoken about how she got a vibrator stuck up her backside during sex.
Emma Phillips, a mother of one from Wallasey, Merseyside, first thought boyfriend Lee had hidden the vibrator under a pillow as a prank.
But then when she pressed down on her stomach she felt a buzzing inside her. They tried to remove it using a fork handle and barbecue prongs but all efforts failed.
She was rushed to hospital to have the sex toy taken out and now Emma wants to warn people not to be afraid of getting help in embarrassing situations.
Emma, 24, said: ‘We were looking around the bed in case it had fallen out. ‘When I leaned on my stomach I could feel it vibrating – it was stuck low down and at one point was even wedged behind my hip.’
She added: ‘For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options.
‘He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again, and said he could feel it at one point but that it was too far up – it was a goner.
‘He tried barbecue prongs too but after a certain point – after an hour of trying – we knew were going to have to go to hospital. We were both a bit shocked.’
After initially seeing the funny side Emma said that they quickly realised that she’d need medical help.
Emma said: ‘We’d both been drinking the night before so we couldn’t drive. I had to make the most embarrassing call to the ambulance at 7am.
‘The call handler said ‘tell me exactly what the problem is’ so I had to tell him.’
During the 45-minute journey to Wrexham Maelor Hospital in Wrexham, North Wales, Emma was perched on one of the seats and was hurried into a room for observations.
Emma said: ‘At that point it was just more surreal than anything. I didn’t feel much pain at that point – I was in too much shock.’
Doctors carried out an x-ray to work out where the still-buzzing vibrator was and realised it was too high up and would be too painful for them to manually extract it while she was awake.
Emma said: ‘I think at that point it started getting quite serious. The doctors were really good – they all moved quite quickly and were so reassuring telling me they saw it quite often which was quite a relief.
‘At first we were jokey about it but then realised it wasn’t much of a joke especially when there was talk of going through my stomach if they couldn’t get it.’
As she was being wheeled to theatre doctors told Emma if they couldn’t extract it rectally they would have to go through the bowel and take some out which could mean at least six months with a colostomy bag.
Emma said: ‘I think before that I thought of it as just a little operation to get it out, I still wasn’t taking it that seriously.
‘When he said that – that only when I woke up would I know whether they would have to cut me open – it was really scary.’
At 12pm Emma underwent the minute-and-a-half surgery which involved placing a camera down her throat and the surgeon pressing on her stomach before manually extracting it.
Doctors offered her the toy as a keepsake but she declined.
She was discharged at around 6.30pm before tentatively making her way home to see her two-year-old daughter.
Emma said: ‘My daughter was staying with my mum and dad as I stayed at Lee’s the night before.
‘I wasn’t going to tell them but then I was going into surgery I knew we were going to have to say something so I told my mum the real reason.
‘I just took some painkillers and was told not to use stuff like that again until I was ready. I’ve learnt that I’ll need to be a bit more careful in the future.
‘Lee’s not been scarred by it – he just thinks it’s funny. I think he should have one up his bum and take one for the team.’
Emma now wants to raise awareness and urge anyone in a similar predicament to seek medical attention.
Emma said: ‘We weren’t going to do anything about it because of the embarrassment – there’s a big taboo about it – but we knew we needed help.
‘I want to say a massive thankyou to the ambulance crew and Wrexham Hospital staff who were really good, really reassuring and non-judgmental.
‘There is a big taboo about this, but it really isn’t a big deal.
‘You hear about people becoming really ill or even dying because they’re too embarrassed to get help – I would hate that to happen to someone.’
A Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board spokesman said: ‘While we cannot comment on individual cases, we’re very pleased to hear that the lady in question was happy with the treatment she received while in our care.
‘We would always urge people to exercise the utmost care and caution to prevent any unfortunate or potentially dangerous repercussions, and to seek the right care if any accidents occur.’
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Emma Phillips in hospital where she had the vibrator removed (Picture: Mercury)
Emma was embarrassed but now she’s speaking out (Picture: Mercury)
She thought boyfriend, Lee, had hidden the vibrator (Picture: Mercury)
This is not the vibrator she lost up her backside. Doctors offered it to her, but she declined (Picture: Mercury)
Emma’s boyfriend tried to use barbecue tongs to remove the vibrator (Picture: Mercury)
Emma is addressing the embarrassment people might feel (Picture: Mercury)

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