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What are Americans’ favorite sex acts? How much do women and men differ in this regard? A new study with a nationally representative sample of over 2,000 U.S. adults aged 18+ provides answers.
Survey participants rated over 50 different sexual and romantic behaviors—from masturbating to using vibrators to playful whipping—for how appealing they found each on a 4-point scale from “very appealing” and “somewhat appealing” to “not appealing” and “not at all appealing.” The below infographics order the top 10 behaviors based on the percentage of women and men who rated that behavior as “very appealing”.
The top 10 sexual behaviors rated as "very appealing" by U.S. women
The top 10 sexual behaviors rated as "very appealing" by U.S. men
Some of these results aren't surprising, like the fact that vaginal intercourse, the sex act most critical for the continuation of our species, topped both genders’ lists. Yet, even this wasn’t universally beloved by everyone: 11% of women and 16% of men found it unappealing. (Lest you are tempted to attribute this to nonheterosexuality, only 1.5% of women and 6% of men in the study identified as lesbian or gay). This is an excellent reminder that there are no human universals when it comes to sex.
In line with gender stereotypes, seven of the top 10 acts for women were related to romance and foreplay (cuddling, kissing, massages, watching romantic movies, gentle sex, etc.). However, in defiance of such stereotypes, three of the romantic items also made it to the men’s top 10, including cuddling more often, kissing during sex and gentle sex. (In contrast, rough sex, and another act that seems ubiquitous in conversations and pornography these days, anal sex, were nowhere near the top 10 for either gender. But more on that in a future article.)
Receiving oral sex made it to the top 10 for both sexes, although many more men than women (61% v. 43%) found this very appealing, a gender difference that has been explained in many ways: from women’s higher self-consciousness about genital looks, smell and taste, to male partners being uninterested or incompetent in giving oral sex.
Interestingly, despite this talk of many guys supposedly being too macho or grossed out to go down on women, giving oral sex made it into the top 10 most appealing behaviors for men, but not women. When you add those who weren’t overly enthusiastic but still found this act somewhat appealing, 77% of men reported enjoying giving oral sex compared to 58% of women. Only 21% of women rated giving oral as “very appealing;” it barely made their top 20 list. (No wonder one of the most frequently asked questions by men in my online Q&As is “how do I get my girlfriend to give me a blowjob?”)
The remaining items on men’s top 10 list not among women’s favorites had to do with aspects of sexuality frequently found to be higher in men: general sex drive (having sex more often), interest in sexual novelty (having sex in other parts of the house or in a hotel) and response to visual stimuli (watching partner undress). Luckily for men, at least as far as that last item is concerned, the last item on women’s top 10 list was wearing sexy underwear/lingerie, which hopefully they enjoy slowly taking off while their partner watches.
Of course, take these lists with a grain of salt. First, they are based on those who rated each behavior as “very appealing”; had I ordered the acts by adding the percent of those who also rated each as “somewhat appealing,” a slightly different picture would have emerged. Also, many other acts that didn’t make the top 10 were appealing to only slightly fewer people than the ones that did make the cut, and many of the acts that made it to only one gender’s top 10 were in the top 15-20 for the other gender. Finally, the lists are partially an artifact of the exact items asked: Even with 52 different acts included, there are hundreds more that got left out of this particular survey.
That notwithstanding, these lists offer valuable insight into some of our strongest and most common desires, and the gender differences and similarities in this regard. Perhaps they can even prove useful to you next time the clothes start coming off.
You can find Dr. Zhana Vrangalova on Twitter , Facebook , Instagram , and at her website, drzhana.com .
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