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Savage Love

Jul 11, 2019 at 12:30 pm

He Suggested They Watch Some Porn and She Was a Little Too Enthused For His Comfort

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It's been a few days later and I'm confused about all this. Actually, I can't stop thinking about it. Should I be upset about her comments? Should I bring up to her the fact that I'm hurt? My thinking is that if I said I wanted to fuck a female porn star, she would no-doubt compare herself to the performer and become insecure. I'd appreciate any insight.
Pensively Obsessing Right Now Over Situation
Do people routinely choose to watch porn—do people ever choose to watch porn—featuring performers they don't wanna fuck?
Look, PORNOS, watching porn together was your idea. And your girlfriend was not only down, she had her favorite porn scene cued up and ready to go... a scene featuring her deeply problematic porn fave. (I don't know about your girlfriend, PORNOS, but I watch porn to get racist fucking rapists off my screens for a few minutes.) Her comment about this male performer may have been insensitive in the most literal sense—she didn't sense that it would make you feel bad—but your girlfriend was merely articulating something you should've assumed (assuming you knew her to be a "consumer" of pornography): she watches porn featuring performers she fantasizes about fucking. That doesn't mean she actually wants to fuck that problematic/shitty porn star IRL, PORNOS. And someone fantasizing about fucking an unavailable, unobtainable, and intolerable porn star doesn't mean they can't also be concerned about their IRL boyfriend/girlfriend/enbyfriend cheating on them.
All your girlfriend is guilty of doing here is, well, something people in monogamous relationships who're mature enough to know their partners are still attracted to other people and secure enough in the relationship to know their partners aren't actually going to fuck other people: jokingly exchange " celebrity free passes " they're never gonna redeem because 1. they don't wanna cheat and 2. they're never gonna meet Brie Larson or Shawn Mendes or [insert problematic porn star's name here]. And even if some straight married schlub with a Brie Larson pass were to meet Brie Larson, PORNOS, the odds that Brie Larson would wanna fuck that straight married schlub—or that Shawn Mendes would wanna fuck his girlfriend or that [problematic porn star] would fuck your girlfriend—are less than zero.
So "I would fuck him" in reference to a porn star isn't a sign that your girlfriend, boyfriend, enbyfriend isn't attracted to you or is comparing your unfavorably to porn stars or pop stars.
All that said, PORNOS, you invited your girlfriend to watch porn with you and she assumed—incorrectly, as it turned out—that you were aware she's still attracted to other people, even if she's committed to you, and that you're comfortable with that fact. And that was a perfectly reasonable assumption on her part, PORNOS, so you're not allowed to be mad at her about it. But you're entitled to your feelings and to avoid having your feelings hurt again like this in the future, PORNOS, you're going to have to explain yourself to the girlfriend without blaming or shaming her.
I've taken the liberty to write something you can memorize or copy and paste and drop into an email...
"I learned something about myself the other night when we were watching porn together. Now I watch porn, you watch porn, watching porn together was my idea, and we both watch porn featuring performers we find attractive. Of course we do, right? But hearing you say you 'would fuck him' about that porn star made feel bad. Now I know you're not actually planning to fuck that asshole because you're never going to meet him and we're exclusive and I trust you and I know you wouldn't really wanna sleep with a racist and a rapist. Or vote for one. But in the future, if and when we do watch porn together again, can we stick to 'he's hot' or 'she's hot' or 'that's hot' instead of talking about wanting to actually fuck this or that porn star? I know 'I would fuck him' was just idle dirty/porny talk and you didn't mean to make me feel bad. But it did. I guess I'm a little more insecure than I realized. And hey, while we're processing insecurities, honey, if I've said or done anything that made you feel insecure—if something I said made you worry about me cheating on you—let me know what it was and I won't do or say that thing again."
Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org !
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October 5, 2021, 7:32 AM · 4 min read
A girl hugging a stuffed toy with a man gripping her shoulders. (PHOTO: Getty Images)
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SINGAPORE — A girl who was previously sexually abused by a family member was wary of her mother’s new boyfriend when she first met the 29-year-old man.
Over time however, the man became a father figure to the girl, whose biological father was in prison.
The man showered the girl with affection and gifts, including caring for her when she fell ill and guiding her in her homework.
Three years into the father-daughter bond, the relationship turned sexual. The unemployed man began having sex with the then 14-year-old girl when her mother was at work, impregnating her.
A police report was lodged only last year when the girl was sent to the hospital for severe stomach pain, which turned out to be labour contractions.
The man pleaded guilty on Tuesday (5 October) to three out of 19 counts of sexually penetrating a minor under 16 while in a relationship that was exploitative of the girl. His sentencing was adjourned to 29 November, after the prosecution requested more time to put in submissions for what it said was the first case of its kind to proceed under the amended penal code.
All parties in the case cannot be named due to a gag order protecting the minor’s identity.
The man, then aged 26, first met the victim’s mother, who is in her 30s, in 2015. They began dating a month later, and the woman introduced her new boyfriend to the victim, then aged around 11 years old.
In 2016, the man moved in with mother and daughter. For about a-year-and-a-half after they were first introduced, the man and the victim were not close. As the girl was previously sexually abused by a family member, she avoided the man as she was affected by her ordeal.
Deputy Public Prosecutor Jaime Pang said, “Eventually, the accused earned the victim’s trust by assuming the role of a father figure in her life. The accused would shower (her) with affection through gestures like spending relatively large sums of money to celebrate her birthday and taking her out to enjoy her favourite activities like ice skating.”
When they shared a home, the man also took charge of the upkeep of the home, doing most of the cooking and cleaning. He also cared for the girl when she fell sick, or guided her in her homework.
The two grew closer, with the girl referring to the man as “daddy”.
DPP Pang added, “The way the accused treated (the girl) made her feel secure, and he provided her with the love and affection that she yearned for but was unable to get from her biological father, who was incarcerated at the material time.”
Between October and December 2018, when the girl was 14, the relationship turned sexual. The two had unprotected sex regularly when alone in the flat. As the man became unemployed from March 2018, the girl’s mother became the sole breadwinner and she would usually be out for work.
The two continued to engage in sexual acts after the girl became pregnant, and even after she gave birth on 15 May last year – up till June 2020.
At about 11.30am on 15 May last year, the National University Hospital alerted the police to a case of teenage pregnancy after the girl was admitted for severe stomach pain which turned out to be labour contractions. The girl gave birth to a baby girl that day.
During investigations, the girl identified the man as the father of her child. He was arrested on 6 July last year while at the flat they shared. A blood test also confirmed his paternity.
The girl was assessed by a psychiatrist and was noted to feel sad about missing out on her dream of graduating with a friend last year. She also has passive suicidal wishes due to the repeated sexual abuse. She also worries that her daughter might hate her after finding out about the illegitimate birth.
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A polyamorous trio hopes to someday become husband and wife and wife!
DeAnna Rivas, 27, begged her husband, Manny Rivas, 28, to allow her to take on a 20-year-old blond girlfriend named Melissa “MJ” James to help fulfill her sexual desires and care for the couple’s two children.
A three-way union is not legal in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where they reside, but they live as if they were bound.
DeAnna wanted an “open relationship” after falling into a depression following the births of her daughter, Vaneza, 7, and her son, Gabriel, 4.
“Before we found MJ, I was so miserable, I felt like there was a hole in my life that only another woman could fill,” DeAnna, who works as a sales assistant, told Barcroft Media.
“I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about how I was feeling, about being a new mother. When I told Manny that I was having problems, he understood that I was sad but he didn’t understand how to fix it,” DeAnna added.
As a last relationship-saving resort, Manny, a boat salesman, and DeAnna began experimenting with another woman, who later introduced them to MJ. The chemistry was instant.
“I thought she was so hot and I was attracted to her blond hair and youthful looks. She’s just blown my socks off,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
Manny struggled with the idea of inviting another person in at first, but now the dad — who shares a king-size bed with his two lovers — says he couldn’t be happier.
“Sexually it is very interesting. We open up our marriage and our bedroom. We do everything,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
The relationship has also proved to be beneficial in raising the children.
“We all sleep together as a threesome and sometimes we will pair off. It helps with child care because one of us can watch the kids while the other two have fun,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
The kids love having three parent
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