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Should I be worried that my daughter's game of "truth or dare" included sexually aggressive behaviors?

My daughter, age 11, and another boy, age 12, were on the school bus playing "truth or dare". They dared each other to pull their pants down and they did; but then the boy dared my daughter to perform oral sex. Well, she put her mouth over his penis, and he put his hands on her head and made her stay there. Is this a problem or normal behavior?
The behaviors you described are very concerning. It seems that your daughter started out playing this game, possibly knowing that it was forbidden territory, but then quickly found herself way out of her depth. It must have been very scary for her to feel trapped by the other child’s physical force. She will benefit from your acknowledgment of how frightening the experience must have been for her, as well as your support and comfort. She will also benefit from guidance from you regarding peer pressure and healthy sexuality. Prioritizing your daughter’s need for information regarding appropriate sexual behaviors and personal boundaries will provide you with some next steps. Some articles that may help you prepare what to say to your daughter are Stop It Now!'s Understanding Sexual Behaviors in Kids and Talking to Children and Teens ; and Talking About Sex and Sexuality: A Resource for Parents (link is external) from Planned Parenthood (link is external) . Gathering additional information about the situation may be very helpful. Some further questions you may want to ask include:
You may also want to find out more about the type of supervision provided on your daughter’s school bus.
Consider having your daughter see a counselor as well. This can provide her the opportunity to share more about what happened and how she is impacted by this event. She may also be facing difficulties at school seeing the boy there or even with potential witnesses on the bus. Additional supports for her may be very helpful and this may provide a support to you as the parent in helping to understand what your daughter needs in terms of information and guidance regarding healthy and safe behaviors.Additionally if you pursue counseling for your daughter, this therapist may feel that this is a reportable incident and you can work with the therapist through this process. To find counseling resources for youth, you can check with your insurance provider, primary care physician or your daughter's school counselor may have some resources.
Talking with this boy’s parents should be strongly considered. He is potentially putting himself and other children at risk for harm with his behaviors and when parents can speak up to other parents about children’s concerning behaviors, then steps can be identified and acted upon to better protect the children.The supervision on the bus needs to be addressed and this can present an opportunity to review your school’s policy on how they handle child on child sexual behaviors. I do not necessarily recommend at this time that your school respond with a full-fledged investigation that could potentially become very public and possibly damaging to your daughter’s sense of safety and well-being.Do you have information on how your school responds to these types of situations? Are you comfortable partnering with your school to help design a response to this situation that does not further traumatize your daughter, or put her or the other boy at risk for unwanted (and unproductive) exposure? I would review these questions with another trusted adult as you determine your action steps with your school.
However, should your own exploration determine that there are ongoing behaviors that are sexual and unhealthy in that they are aggressive, unwanted and are not age-appropriate, you may want to make a formal report to the police and your school. The possible impact on your daughter of bringing this into the open at school so that other children are made aware of what happened does need to be considered.
If you do decide to follow up with your daughter’s school, include a conversation with the school principal to find out what steps the school can take to minimize the risk that such an incident could happen again, and what steps the school will take to see that supervision is improved on the bus. If you are not satisfied with the answers you are getting, you have the option of meeting with the Superintendent of Schools in your district. Our prevention tipsheet, Nine Questions Parents Need To Ask When Selecting A Program For Their Child can help you formulate your questions and think about how your school’s environment can be as safe as possible.
This is a complex situation because it contains typical behaviors, as well as concerning behaviors that involve sexual activity and physical force. However you respond, your daughter will benefit from you taking her concerns seriously and in follow up activities to help protect her from further inappropriate and potentially dangerous situations.
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Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
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P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke

More stories to check out before you go
Remember the story of Mercy Igoki, the 48-year-old senior assistant university registrar who accused her daughter of stealing her husband?
Mercy met and adopted an orphaned girl who was three years older than her first born. That was in 2006.
The girl bonded very well with her family and her problems began when she had to resign her job to recover from an accident that left her with multiple fractures.
“I enrolled for an undergraduate degree in Meru. I would be away from home sometimes up to three weeks or longer at a time because of my studies,” Mercy was quoted in Parent magazine, adding that she then began hearing rumours from neighbours about her adopted daughter sleeping with her husband.
“In anger, I confronted them and to my shock, my husband blamed me for the affair, saying I had brought the girl to him,” said Mercy. She has since forgiven them.
Then there was the case of Samuel Kamotho, a Thika-based engineer who was almost lynched by his neighbours after his wife, Virginia Wangari, accused him of sleeping with his 18-year-old daughter, Lucy Nyawira.
Stories of fathers sleeping with their daughters, biological or adopted, never seem to leave people gaping in wonder.
In the case above, the 51-year-old Kamotho denied the allegations, claiming his wife was peddling lies to tarnish his name for refusing to accept her back.
His daughter too denied there was any sexual relationship between them.
But why do fathers sleep with their daughters? And do girls fancy sexual intimacy with their fathers? Is it that some men have such a low sense of value and coupled with their insatiable desire for sex, are blinded into engaging in such distasteful incestuous acts?
Irene Waruru, a businesswoman based in Kiambu, claims that one of her neighbours slept with his biological daughter for years without being questioned.
“I think he was depressed. His wife and family members were aware of what was going on, but did not do anything. His daughter did not complain either. It was such a twisted family,” she claimed.
But not all cases involve mentally-disturbed fathers; sometimes a totally sane man can take advantage of a mentally-ill daughter.
A while back, a Maralal court slapped a 60-year-old man with a 20-year jail sentence for defiling his mentally-ill stepdaughter and infecting her with a sexually transmitted disease.
The then Maralal Principal Magistrate, Charles Ndegwa who sentenced Lesunya Lekirimpoto, said the prosecution had proved beyond reasonable doubt that the accused had committed the offence and “the court sentences the accused to serve 20 years in jail to serve as an example to would-be offenders.”
The court heard that the accused, his stepdaughter and his wife were sleeping in the same bed when he committed the offence.
He is said to have turned on the teenager after he had domestic differences with his wife and proceeded to defile her.
A quarrel ensued after the incident, prompting the complainant and her mother to report the accused at Wamba Police Station after which he was arrested.
In mitigation, Lekirimpoto, pleaded for leniency because he was the sole breadwinner. But the court said the sentence was commensurate to the offence committed.
Others blame such acts on orders from ‘higher powers.’
Remember the case of the MP from Western Kenya who could no longer visit his village home during the day due to shame as neighbours found out that he was sleeping with his daughter?
Well, it later emerged that the politician had been advised by a local witch doctor to commit the offence to help him win the elections.
Others sleep with their daughters on the instructions of leaders of secret cults, who promise spiritual powers or prolonged lives.
Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated on the latest developments and special offers!
Looks like you're using an ad blocker. We rely on advertising to help fund our site.

The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.

Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke

More stories to check out before you go
Remember the story of Mercy Igoki, the 48-year-old senior assistant university registrar who accused her daughter of stealing her husband?
Mercy met and adopted an orphaned girl who was three years older than her first born. That was in 2006.
The girl bonded very well with her family and her problems began when she had to resign her job to recover from an accident that left her with multiple fractures.
“I enrolled for an undergraduate degree in Meru. I would be away from home sometimes up to three weeks or longer at a time because of my studies,” Mercy was quoted in Parent magazine, adding that she then began hearing rumours from neighbours about her adopted daughter sleeping with her husband.
“In anger, I confronted them and to my shock, my husband blamed me for the affair, saying I had brought the girl to him,” said Mercy. She has since forgiven them.
Then there was the case of Samuel Kamotho, a Thika-based engineer who was almost lynched by his neighbours after his wife, Virginia Wangari, accused him of sleeping with his 18-year-old daughter, Lucy Nyawira.
Stories of fathers sleeping with their daughters, biological or adopted, never seem to leave people gaping in wonder.
In the case above, the 51-year-old Kamotho denied the allegations, claiming his wife was peddling lies to tarnish his name for refusing to accept her back.
His daughter too denied there was any sexual relationship between them.
But why do fathers sleep with their daughters? And do girls fancy sexual intimacy with their fathers? Is it that some men have such a low sense of value and coupled with their insatiable desire for sex, are blinded into engaging in such distasteful incestuous acts?
Irene Waruru, a businesswoman based in Kiambu, claims that one of her neighbours slept with his biological daughter for years without being questioned.
“I think he was depressed. His wife and family members were aware of what was going on, but did not do anything. His daughter did not complain either. It was such a twisted family,” she claimed.
But not all cases involve mentally-disturbed fathers; sometimes a totally sane man can take advantage of a mentally-ill daughter.
A while back, a Maralal court slapped a 60-year-old man with a 20-year jail sentence for defiling his mentally-ill stepdaughter and infecting her with a sexually transmitted disease.
The then Maralal Principal Magistrate, Charles Ndegwa who sentenced Lesunya Lekirimpoto, said the prosecution had proved beyond reasonable doubt that the accused had committed the offence and “the court sentences the accused to serve 20 years in jail to serve as an example to would-be offenders.”
The court heard that the accused, his stepdaughter and his wife were sleeping in the same bed when he committed the offence.
He is said to have turned on the teenager after he had domestic differences with his wife and proceeded to defile her.
A quarrel ensued after the incident, prompting the complainant and her mother to report the accused at Wamba Police Station after which he was arrested.
In mitigation, Lekirimpoto, pleaded for leniency because he was the sole breadwinner. But the court said the sentence was commensurate to the offence committed.
Others blame such acts on orders from ‘higher powers.’
Remember the case of the MP from Western Kenya who could no longer visit his village home during the day due to shame as neighbours found out that he was sleeping with his daughter?
Well, it later emerged that the politician had been advised by a local witch doctor to commit the offence to help him win the elections.
Others sleep with their daughters on the instructions of leaders of secret cults, who promise spiritual powers or prolonged lives.
Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated on the latest developments and special offers!
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