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Countering "going to do it anyway."

I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.

We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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Rosemary's Baby (1968)
D. Roman Polanski
The
National Catholic Office for Motion Pictures reviled Polanski's
dark horror classic for mocking religion and making "perverted
use" of Christian beliefs.
Polish director Roman Polanski's first American feature
film and his second, scary horror film (following his first disturbing
film in English titled Repulsion (1965) ) - was about a young
newlywed couple who moved into a large, rambling old apartment building
in Central Park West, where the title character Rosemary Woodhouse (Mia
Farrow) experienced a nightmarish dream of making love to a Beast. Becoming
paranoid and hysterical, she believed herself impregnated so that her
baby could be used by an evil cult in their rituals. The creepy film
ended with the devil's flesh-and-blood baby being cared for by the mother!
The film was one of the first with the theme of Satanism
and the occult, before the onslaught of films such as The
Exorcist (1973) , The Omen (1976) , and Demon
Seed (1977) .
The National Catholic Office for Motion Pictures reviled
the film, condemning it for "the perverted use which the film
made of fundamental Christian beliefs, especially surrounding the
birth of Christ, and its mockery of religious persons and practices" -
these criticisms were due in part to sequences depicting Rosemary's
guilt over her lapsed Catholicism, anti-religious references to the
Pope made by Roman Castevet ("You don't need to have respect
for him because he pretends that he's holy"), the portrayal
of Rosemary's pregnancy as a sexually-transmitted disease, and the
film's view of Satanism as the birth of the Anti-Christ.
The incredible irony of the film was that the plot
would be similarly played out a year later - Polanski's pregnant
actress/wife Sharon Tate would be terrorized and murdered by the
strange cult of Charles Manson followers in her Benedict Canyon home.
A real-life tragedy also occurred when the Bramford apartment building
(actually the Dakota apartments - the actual locale in the film)
was where Mark Chapman shot John Lennon in 1980.
Its most memorable sequence was the aforementioned
surrealistic dream sequence. "Dizzy," woozy and disoriented
after eating some tainted chocolate mousse (laced with sleeping powder),
Rosemary hallucinated a Black Mass, imagining herself on a mattress
drifting on the ocean, and then as a passenger on a presidential
yacht. Undressed, shivering and naked, and then abruptly wearing
a bathing suit, various images assaulted her: the Birth of Man paintings
on the Sistine Chapel ceiling, a typhoon at sea, and a naked descent
into the hold of the ship, where a fire burned and Rosemary was lying
on a mattress. She was surrounded by many chanting, overweight, elderly
naked figures (of the Satanists' coven), including husband Guy
(John Cassavetes) and
neighbors Roman (Sidney Blackmer) and Minnie (Ruth Gordon) Castevet.
A bloody-red liquid was painted with rune designs on
Rosemary's bare chest. A person resembling Mrs. John F. Kennedy (Patricia
Ann Conway) who wore a white diaphanous gown descended a staircase
and suggested tying her legs down in case of convulsions. Attendants
spread her legs apart and bound them. In her dream-like sleep, Guy
began making love to her, but then his appearance changed into a

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