Porn Out After
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Porn Out After
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You don’t have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) are 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn . You can do it too. Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up my porn obsession. I called Compulsion Solutions because I had decided that it was time to get help with porn addiction and grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say: Life is better.
I know that when you first give up any addiction, it can be difficult to be optimistic. If you’re in the beginning stages of giving up a vice, there are days when you are going to hate it. So I want to share some of the things you get to look forward to when you finally kick that crap to the curb…
What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?
Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that you’ve been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a part-time job watching porn . The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.
Take porn addictions out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handed-in on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90% average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.
The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new job/skills/car/girlfriend/etc. — Those are all things you get to be proud of.
This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: “You can’t bullshit yourself into being happy.”
If by the end up the day, all you’ve accomplished is a few deposits into the spank bank and you look around to see that your place is still a disaster, what is there to feel happy about? Well, that’s the problem.
Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment — even small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: It’s so much nicer in here. Oh hey! That’s where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy.
Another important side effect from giving up porn is that, other people will like you for it.
Once you give up your porn addictions , you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. It’s only natural.
Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because they’re just more fun to be around. You learn that you didn’t need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel much better about yourself.
As Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn.com says: “Sex is not the same thing as porn.” It’s the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn’t the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.
When I was using, I would look forward to porn , but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasn’t her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.
It didn’t happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didn’t have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesn’t have those things. Porn obsession lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that I’d project onto myself. I’d think I’d have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.
Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.
Have you noticed that girls don’t want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness — and I don’t blame them.
Living with a sexual compulsion was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. I’d obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that might have left a bread crumb somewhere and that would be the end of my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldn’t explain. She’d always expect something and I’d get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasn’t trustworthy .
When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well — and the more lies you tell, it becomes harder to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my sexual addiction and deceptions to my girlfriend
It was incredibly painful, but after a few months, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.
Once I decided giving up porn was the best option , I didn’t have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didn’t have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her ever again.
We all know that sexual addictions are not limited to porn or sex. The human mind is an amazing thing and it can turn almost anything into a drug. A&E has a show dedicated to people with addictions to everything from alcohol and heroin to food and shopping.
Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine , my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your porn addictions to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.
If there is one thing I’ve learned from this journey, it’s this: You’re an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When you’re a kid, your parents limit the time you spend watching TV, they make you eat your vegetables before dessert, and you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.
Well, you’re all grown up now. Are you going to eat McDonald’s every day? Are you going to rack up your credit cards until you’re bankrupt? Are you going to drink until you throw up each night?
If you do, no one will stop you. They may say to you, “Hey Mike, you might want to cut back on the pizza.” But no one will physically stand in your way. If you keep calling Domino’s, they will keep delivering.
Porn addicts are certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know you’re addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? I’m not saying that I obsess over it, but it’s up to me to be my own best friend. That’s what an adult does.
When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day = porn. Fight with a girlfriend = porn. Bored = porn .
Things just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. I’ve used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. It’s hard to imagine what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now it’s no surprise.
Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:
It’s no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so I’d look for reasons to feel tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.
Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isn’t that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when I’m looking for a crutch every time things don’t go my way, then I see how I’m missing out on the good things.
I’ve been without porn for six months and I now:
All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don’t have to feel held up by anything because life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living .
I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to get counseling for porn addiction , then know that this is what you have to look forward to.
Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and roadblocks along the way, but you’re trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for real life with happiness, success, and freedom . Never forget that .
Let’s talk. I’ve been through the SAME situation as you… and I can help. Click the banner below or call me personally. YES, I answer the phone, and YES it is 100% confidential. GO!
All day I’ve felt horrible because of the previous nights watching and acting out. Tell myself I’m done! Then tonight I start the cycle all over again! Almost always entirely at night.
Tim, Get a free sample of my book, “Breaking the Cycle” by clicking on the picture of the book above and filling in the form. Within a minute (or so) it will be in your inbox. It’s helped MANY people. If you like the sample then get the book itself on Amazon. Give me a call if you have questions.
Best, George Collins, Director
Compulsion Solutions
(925) 291-7694
Being addicted to porn and not fully being aware that you are. You’re losing the very best thing that has come into your life over formulated pixels of naked woman and an ugly false to that’s what they really are. Your missing the very most memorable times of your life because you have desensitize yourself from what is real. Get it before you lose her completely. She’s rare and your not treating her that way at all. She looks up to you and adores all of the man that you are! If you only knew how she looked at you through her lense, maybe then you’d learn to appreciate only her through your lense. Do something before it’s too late.
Wish more men could see it this way
It’s not about the woman though. It’s about reclaiming your worth as an individual and in turn improving your relationships with everyone around you. Relationships come and go, the change should be for you and others will benefit, too.
I’m only writing because I’m very annoyed by females being left out inregards to porn viewing. I feel that it’s viewed as an only male issue or habit. I too have been exposed to magazines and videos since if I recall correctly, 3rd grade; I found them on my own. So, it’s solely my fault but it may be the reason I am the way I am meaning very sexual and use to masturbating daily usually with porn if available. I too have created a problem with looking at porn daily and it taking up too much time. I also, looked at crazier sexual acts as the years went on which I like to a degree because I can orgasm more often in a single day but recently I’m completely bored of it. I’m now thinking it’s quite ridiculous to view these sexual acts verses having a great sex life with orgasm included with a girlfriend/boyfriend, partner, lover or husband/wife. Also, I’m bisexual so viewing porn allows that side of me to be soothed since I’m not with a woman nor have ever dated one just had one night stands. So, why am I thinking like this, I always viewed porn because I simply wanted to cum and since that’s usually multiples a day it provided much relief; and being in a relationship hasn’t changed that nor have I ignored their needs. I like sex so it’s an easy for me to do both. I do choose other forms of masturbation but porn usually is easier and super fast but I now realize it’s a problem area that’s gets way worse when I’m stressed but it no longer helps me. And I’m bored by it, I would rather be a participant verses a voyeur and too boot, I’m in a relationship where he lies about his porn viewing and habit. He too suffers from anxiety and started viewing porn very young. So, I’m annoyed with him when I have similar issue and etc. so I’m a hypocrite. Let me be clear, I’m not against porn, I have enjoyed it for years but I’m against the selfishness and the isolation it often creates. A person can simply go to that verses making their partner cum which takes some effort. For example, women are wired differently and our biggest sexual organ is our brains. So, how do men and women unite when we both want the same exact thing….great sex with orgasm that is changed up often and done often if not daily since I believe it’s super bonding for any loving relationship and a great release which helps with feeling calm, satisfied and for me happy. I get depressed when I don’t exercise and orgasm daily this is not new but it’s now being understood. I have had my hormones checked for an imbalance and I have a much higher level of testosterone then most women which may account for my very high sex drive. For me good touch is the glue of any relationship and to be honest it’s a need like water, food, shelter. It’s a beautiful thing and should be honored verses made into something bad or negative. So, porn is an outlet for many, big whoop but what I can say is that for the first time in my life it’s now a problem and maybe I have finally grownup and want to go about my sexual desires and needs in a better, healthier way. Maybe, another topic here is sexual incompatibilities between lovers meaning during the courting phase it’s exciting and the sex seems so important and it’s definitely done more often. Why does the sex decrease to the point of unhappiness and then self care sets in….porn and mastubation. Medically, orgasms create a healthier body, less cancer or no cancer some studies say and as we all know it’s a great release. So, orgasms are key to ones health also the use it or lose it motto comes into play especially for the aging population. Masturbation is healthy and it’s proven to be medically so but it’s the path to it that is in question here. The reality of porn isnt pretty or even exciting but it serves a purpose. So, maybe what needs to be said here is that you should all be masturbating but try to leave the porn out here and there. Use your own imagination, let your fantasies go wild but create them yourself and let them be happening to you verses someone else. It’s ok to orgasm to some wild scenes not all things need to really happen and probably shouldn’t ever happen. The mind is an untapped pool of desires and so maybe telling these men to start by not giving up self care thru masturbating but decrease the porn viewing to do so. People can’t stop wanting orgasms and they shouldn’t but using ones mind verses being lazy and letting porn take that place is a problem. Also, us ladies notoriously don’t orgasm thru penetration unless we are given about 13 minutes of constant attention to all of our sensual zones so with that being said mens orgasm is much shorter, like three minutes so some men may find this annoying or challenging and possibly a chore. But as I have said for years, the couples that cum together stay together. If you aren’t willing to put the time in to give your partner an orgasm then she or he will find another. They will only be so patient and giving for so long. If you prefer your hand over the effort it takes to be in a sexually equally satisfying relationship then maybe porn is for you and that’s ok too but accept it and stop entering relationships which only cause us pain and frustration. So, the true topic of concern isn’t porn use but the reasons why we turn to it verses having intimacy with another human being because that’s the real problem. And why can’t we relax enough to orgasm with another, is it porn or is it society’s constant display of beautiful young fit people. Why can’t we be happy enough with our looks and bodies so that we can fall inlove and stay inlove…..
I hear you and I agree with you on many of the points you make. Many women, like men, use porn and there is not enough discussion about it, especially as it relates to an outlet / “coping mechanism”. Like many coping mechanisms porn use can become maladaptive and rather than enhancing sexual experience, it can numb and hinder it. As you said, it’s about getting down underneath what part of oneself is afraid of intimacy with another. If you would like to unravel those individual and environmental layers that no longer serve you there is help and you are not alone.
Thank you for your kind reply without judgement. I had great anxiety after I posted my thoughts, feelings and frustrations so much so that I felt highly stressed and embarrassed for days. And I may have been venting a bit and I hope I only helped verses hurt any person. My intentions were good….with that said I see I got a lot of comments which actually added to my anxiety and embarrassment because I can only assume I was misunderstood and it’s negative but I’m open enough to hear all points of view and advice so that I grow since I believe I’m here to learn as well as love. How do I view their comments on my post but stay private? Jane
Thank you Jane
It was refreshing to read the perspective of a woman that struggled with the same issues that men do.
I’m reminded of the saying:
“A problem well stated, is half solved”
I’m 33 and have never had a girlfriend or had any physical experience. I’ve watched porn since I was a teenager and I know it’s hurt me. I never thought I would ever have sex, let alone kiss a woman. I am told I’m attractive and have my act together, but I have a lot of confidence issues.
Well last night, out of nowhere, I had my first kiss that went into full-blown sex with a woman I’ve been talking to and hanging out with.
Unfortunately, I had performance problems that I know are based on my years of porn problem. She was satisfied, but that is not how I wanted my first time to go and it was embarrassing.
This was a wake up call. Today, I deleted all the porn on my computer, all the apps on my phone with pictures of women, and all the porn accounts I have online.
I never want to have a repeat of last night again and I want to reset my brain from porn. I can safely say I will not use it anytime soon so I can have enjoyable sex.
I don’t need to be contacted. I have the motivation needed to break the habit. I just want to warn whoever reads this to stop watching porn because it is hurting you in ways you won’t know until it does.
John, Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure that it will help others. Let me know if you ever need more help. You can get a free sample of my book, “Breaki
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