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Talking With Your Preteen About Sexuality
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Preteen children continue to define their values, beliefs and knowledge about sexuality.
Preteens are like newspaper reporters.
Parents may find that talking with their preteens and young teens about sex is embarrassing or uncomfortable. Here are some suggestions to help you talk with your child.
Teens having sex before age 15 are more likely than other teens to:
Because they are just beginning to learn about emotional intimacy, young teens are more likely to have sex with someone they do not know well than with a relationship partner. Read a reliable book about reproduction. If your child asks a question you don’t know, you can look it up together. Consult the SIECUS Education Resource Area at www.siecus.org.
Use television as a springboard for discussion with your child.
Don’t always wait for your child to ask.
Be prepared to discuss a topic more than once.
Encourage your child to come to you for information.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m just learning to be comfortable talking about this. My parents never talked with me about this.”
Preteens and young teens need to know what to expect during puberty.
Both boys and girls need information about how both sexes develop and the timing of these changes.
They need reassurance that they are normal — that young people develop at different times and rates.
Young adolescents need to know about reproduction.
Both girls and boys need to know about major changes they will experience menstruation and nocturnal emissions (or wet dreams).
Many children are concerned about masturbation.
Your child needs to know about AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
Education is our most important weapon in the battle against AIDS and STDs.
Your attitude and values play a powerful role in shaping your teenager’s behavior.
Frequent and early dating are connected with early sexual experience.
The more a young person senses that his or her parents think teenage sex is inappropriate, the more he or she also views teenage sex as inappropriate.
Pat T. Nelson, , Ed.D
Extension Family & Human Development Specialist
ptnelson@udel.edu
Portions of this newsletter have been adapted from materials prepared for Cooperative Extension at the University of Missouri by Dr. Mary McPhail Gray and Elizabeth Verner, at the University of California by Dr. Dorothea J. Cudaback, at the University of Nebraska by Dr. Herbert Lingren, and at the University of Wisconsin by Trisha Day, Dr. Stephen Small, and Dr. Ellen Fitzsimmons.
References:
Morgan, E. & Huebner, A. Adolescents and Sex. Blacksburg: Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech. www.ext.vt.edu/pubs/family/350-853/350-853.html
NIH News Release. Strong religious views decrease teens” likelihood of having sex. National Institute of Child Health & Human Development. http://www.nichd.nih.gov/new/releases/religious_views.cfm
Suggested citation: Nelson. P.T. Talking with your preteen about sexuality (2012) in Families Matter! A Series for Parents of School-Age Youth. Newark, DE: Cooperative Extension, University of Delaware.
This institution is an equal opportunity provider.
In accordance with Federal law and U.S. Department of Agriculture policy, Cooperative Extension is prohibited from discriminating on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability.
College of Agriculture & Natural Resources
531 South College Avenue
Newark, DE 19716
(302) 831-2501
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