Porn Lines

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Porn Lines
Actors on the set of the live action Simpsons porn parody...really.

It’s Called the Music and Arts Festival for a Reason


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What's the old adage? “If it exists, someone's made porn out of it.” I suppose it's not really an old adage…but I've been told it's The 34th Rule of the Internet .
Recent controversy about condom use in The Industry has cast another dark cloud over Porn Valley, as highlighted in LA Weekly 's cover story this week . This controversy comes on the heels of an, er, explosion of pornographic light-heartedness in the form of porn parody — a development that for better or for worse seems to be making more than a few folks smile. For those of you out of the loop, there's a parody of almost everything you can think of — and some you'd rather not.
No. Just…no. You Star Wars fans are just going to have to wait…
Unlike the porn parodies of yore (y'know…the VHS pile on the bottom of your older cousin's closet?) these new parodies aren't exactly run-of-the-mill, low budget offerings — like, say, naked ladies in Spock ears or a starlet in a leopard print somethingerother-“You Tarzan, me Jane, take off your loincloth..”-kinda thing. There's like, high quality body paint and moderately-priced-looking special effects.
Vivid Entertainment, a porn production powerhouse even launched it's own line of high-budget superhero parodies last year. Hustler's This Ain't Avatar was filmed in 3D and is reportedly the most expensive adult film ever made — the DVD even comes packaged with a ghastly, alien, nether-hole Fleshlight. Does porn know its audience, or what?
Geeks, nerds, and fanboys all seem to get a proverbial chub from the big budget, low-story, shitty dialogue blockbusters (I'm looking at you, actual Avatar ) — so this is kind of a perfect marriage, right? Because between the parodies and the originals the real debate here is: who has the better dialogue?
Let's be honest…the language of pornography has a certain cadence…a certain poetic lyricism unlike any other form of, er, um, what is porn again? Is it art? Is it performance? Is it smut? Sure. It's porn. Where was I? Oh, dialogue. Yeah. Who actually has the better dialogue. After watching a handful of certified geek-parody porn — I'd say it's a total tossup. Let's take a look shall we?
This is the only way we should ever see the Simpsons naked. Ever.
5. The Simpsons vs. The Simpsons: A XXX Parody
Yeah, they did this. They actually did this. They covered live-action porn stars in yellow paint and they made a hardcore porno out of a beloved landmark of satire, creativity and imagination. Ugh. But what about that dialogue?
Real Line: “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” -Homer
Parody Line: “Homie, I was thinking maybe we could try out the camcorder in a sexy kinda way? Let me get a little more comfortable…on the floor.” -Marge
Parody Points: Moe finally has sex with someone: Cookie Kwan (Number One on the West Side!)
Kill Kirk! Or…at least sleep with his main squeeze first…
4. Star Trek (original series) vs. This Ain't Star Trek
This one has been done so many times. Star Fuck, Fuck Trek, Sex Trek, blah blah blah. How's that dialogue hold up?
Original Line: “She is yours. You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. This is not logical, but it is often true.” -Spock
Porn Parody Line: “Commander Khan, please, I'm only here on business.” -Some sexy crew-lady
Flintstone Beastiality Porn Parody? Rule 34 says: Yes.
3. The Flintstones (1994 film) vs. The Flintstones: A XXX Parody
Original Line: “You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves!” -Betty Rubble
Porn Parody Line: “Wilma, I find you incredibly sexy and I've fantasized about having sex with you for years…” -Betty Rubble
Parody Points: No one in the parody wears creepy body paint, and the 1994 film did more damage than a porn parody ever could.
2. Batman (1967 Series) vs. Batman XXX: A Parody
Another one that's been done more than enough times. Buttman, Batbutt, Batbang, er whatever.
Original Line: “Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow.” -Batman
Porn Parody Line: “We must give credit where credit is due, Robin. She is evil, but she's also quite attractive.” -Batman
Parody Points: Director Axel Braun used as much of the original production design as he could — from matching the original fabrics to renting the actual original car for the porn production.
The whole Avatar Porn Parody Package…with Nav'i Fleshlight…
Original Line: “Parker. You know, I used to think it was benign neglect, but now I see that you are intentionally screwing me.” -Whatever Sigourney Weaver's character's name was
Porn Parody Line: “You gonna make me a dirty little bitch on Pandora?” or mid-fellatio, “It's biolab protocol, Marine, gotta do it.” -Sigourney Weaver's character, being played by Porn Star Karaoke emcee Nicki Hunter .
Parody Points: The dialogue is pretty standard for porn…whatever that means…and it sounds more natural than the original. Well done, Hustler, well done.
Maybe there's a way parody can promote and encourage condom use? If someone's going to be covered in waterproof yellow paint while figuratively raping our collective childhoods, why can't they, y'know use relatively unobtrusive rubber sheaths? Food for thought.
For those that live for Rule 34 and think that its as immutable as the speed of light — yes, there's a Jersey Shore parody, a Seinfeld , a Married: With Children and even a Top Chef parody (see: Top Heavy Chef ). But, there is one show completely untouched….so for you go-getters in the San Fernando Valley or anywhere on the internet, really…I have a challenge, that's right: The McLaughlin Group . Once a staple of SNL satire — the decades-old, venerable public affairs show remains un-pornified. Go for it — I triple. dog. dare. you.
McLaughlin is clearly disgusted by what they did to his beloved Avatar
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by

Kan Nigua


October 5, 2018, 2:40 pm updated June 1, 2020, 2:51 pm



Welcome to the world of sexiness and steamy intimacy where you can find porn movies with great storylines. These films are created by the best filmmakers and they have wisely chosen the best cast for their masterpieces. The plots, scripts and the direction is outstanding and this the reason these movies have made their way on this list. Check out what’s special in these blazing intimate movies.
Starring Adriana Chechik, Georgie Lyall, and Lily LaBeau, this masterpiece of 153 minutes has something unique that others don’t have. Filled with action, romance, and lust, Star Wars: “The Last Temptation” will make you feel horny and naughty like never before. The dicks and the tits will entertain you as you will not only watch the wildness but also will feel the same experience. Released on 21 st August 2018, this film has beaten the records of other movies. The sexy chicks with the rough studs together have created a hot environment and they will ensure that your time must be well spent by watching their sexy intimate moments.
The film was released on 21 st August 2018 and within a short span of time, it has gained numerous views online. The reason is we can’t escape from the sex appeal of Adriana and Jessa because the queens are always ready to slide the dicks deep inside their pussies and it’s never exhausting and tiring for them. This presentation of Digital Playground has a run time of 1 hour 53 minutes in which you’ll be satisfied by watching the tit fucks, the blowjobs, and deep throats. The steamy scenes will ensure your pants got wet and you will salivate looking at the babes drinking cum from the cocks.
On 20 th March 2018, Trans Angels presented their remarkable presence in the form of “Chanel: Angel Unveiled”. Featuring Jessy Dubai, Chanel Santini, and Mercedes Carrera, this amusing movie will ensure you are entertained fully in 2 hours. The hidden beasts in the studs and the chicks have no consideration of any boundaries or limitations. They are always turned on with a single gaze from someone they find seductive and offer themselves the very next moment to fuck or to be fucked. The long-lasting impacts of the long-duration sex scenes won’t easily vanish from your minds.
Released on 25 th April 2018, this presentation of Digital Playground has chosen the best cast including Rina Ellis, Kimmy Granger, and Tina Kay. Within 131 minutes, you will have an unforgettable seducing adventure watching the chicks riding on the dicks and the titty fucks will blow away your mind, the pussy eating will get you wet and the ass cramming will leave you out of words. What more can you expect to watch when these talented performers will make your turn your nights into heaven. The plot is exciting and thrilling with some unpredictable twists.
On 21 st May 2018, another movie came as a blockbuster in the porn industry. Starring Ella Hughes, Clea Gaultier, and Olive Glass, this film has everything you wish to watch. It is based on the cravings of a man to eat the pussies of every lady. He also had dreams for money but the most important wish has already been mentioned. Now that Gerald, the horny man has been desperate to fulfill his needs, we have to check how and where his dreams will come true when a hot babe will offer herself to be fucked.
Presenting the best performers of the porn industry including Penny Pax, Alexis Fawx, and Chloe Couture, this amazing film was released on 17 th September 2018. The story of a couple will capture your interest and you will be fully involved and then the magical sex scenes will refresh your mind and will give warmth to your heart but your body will be burnt with the hotness of the intercourses. Maggie and Billy will take you to the peaks of intimacy and lusty romance with whatever they have. Their super sexy chemistry has taken away the peace of our minds and will yours as well.
2 hours and 29 minutes of your life are going to be the best as the director Dick Bush came up with a masterpiece of 149 minutes presenting the appealing Athena Palomino, Valentina Nappi and Carly Rae. The competition, adventure, and race of Hand Solo with others to get the most especially his lust to get the pussies in the galaxy is the most exciting part of the film. The direction, cast, and script are well organized and the sex scenes, one after one won’t let your dick get down, it will stay erect and will look for a pussy to slide in.
On 24 th September, Burning Angel Entertainment brought an outstanding movie that was directed by Joanna Angel. Featuring Ariana Marie, Joanna Angel, Katrina Jade, and Ivy LeBelle, this captivating film has a plot based on a sexy happening during Halloween. During Halloween, when everyone was celebrating and enjoying with their loved ones, someone was getting fucked so hard, someone was sliding his cock into a pussy, someone was sucking the boobs and someone was enjoying drinking cum from a dick.
Directed by Stoney Curtis, Whorecraft HR presented “Whorecraft: Legion of Whores”. Including Natalia Starr, Alex Blake, Abella Danger, Lauren Starr, and Stoney Curtis, this film of 129 minutes is another name among the best porn films of 2018. This hard-core adult film has 4 main characters that have proved themselves to be the best entertainers. You will be seeing these stars playing with the dicks and the pussies. You won’t resist replaying the movie, you’ll be addicted to it.
Dana DeArmond, Skylar Snow, and Dolly Leigh have taken it to the whole new level with this awesome porn movie of this year. This 128-minute presentation of Digital Playground is a thriller and a story of revenge. Watch the remarkable porn film and you’ll love it.
Cum Swapping Slut is a story of 10 horny women who are always ready to share their pleasures with each other. This movie is one of the highest-grossing adult movies of the early 2000s Directed by Vince Vouyer the movie is starring Mark Ashley, Julian, Mark Davis, Joel Lawrence, and some other actors. The movie mainly covers sexuality without much of a plot, so what you’ll see are random sex scenes. A decent level of acting and hardcore sex is the soul of the movie.
Brad Armstrong is known for his storytelling style, this movie is no exception to that. It’s a story of an angel, who finds herself in the Earth for her sin. In her exile, she finds a partner and the story goes on. Featuring Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong, this adult film is also an acting masterpiece. Another stunning fact about the movie is the cinematography that has captured the scenes in a style that covers the aspect of being a mainstream porn movie and also the artistic part of cinema. Such enjoyable classic movies are always fun to watch.
Adaption of mainstream movies in porn happens often but most of the time it ends up being a sarcastically dumb version with only sex as the selling material. This is not the case for “Diary of Love” based on the movie “The Notebook”. The storyline follows the same road as of the original one, a love story of a couple from different social classes. It is directed by Jim Powers and produced by Smash Pictures. The sex scenes are well shot and have got a lot of enjoyable stuff. The film feels like an original work with explicit sex scenes, the director has never given the chance to think of the movie as a cliché porn movie.
Ever seen a commercial-style porn movie with action, romance, drama, thriller, and sex? Well if not watch “Operation: Desert Stormy”. Directed by Stormy Daniels, this movie covers the story of a couple who are supposed to save the world from a terrorist. On their way, the couple involves various activities and saves the world eventually. This blockbuster movie is one of the biggest productions of wicked pictures. The movie stars veteran actors like Kaylani Lei, Jenna Haze, Tommy Gunn, etc.
Brad Armstrong has taken porn to another level with “2040”, it’s a sci-fi porn film that predicts the near future of the porn industry being robot-centric. Brad tells the story of a robot Mira, who starts feeling the pleasure in sex, trapped in bureaucratic complexities her future is in trouble. In the skilled hands of Brad, the movie feels believable. The work of VFX, costume designing, and locations greatly complemented each other. Also, the acting has exceeded the general capabilities of regular porn actors. To sum up, the movie has enough sex scenes to make it a well-versed porn movie; on the other hand, it also qualifies as an amateur sci-fi movie.


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There’s people out there that don’t think damaging your skin with the sun is sexy – but those people are pale and probably live in a cave somewhere. And, if you’re like me, you love a good tan line; they look cool visually, they’re kind of naughty (reowr!), and they definitely draw your eyes to those oh-so-sexy erogenous zones. And with the summer officially here, now is the time to pay respect to the finest tan lines in XXX!
There’s something about sultry, dark-haired Latin women and tan lines that drive us wild. Francesca’s curvy body is attention-grabbing as is, but when she’s rocking them tan lines… Woooo boy. Watch out now! Francesca is an absolute favorite of mine!
Pound-for-pound, Ashley is easily one of the top performers in porn today. And the Florida native is clearly no stranger to the beach and wearing a bikini. When I think of breathtaking women and tan lines – Ashley Adams is one of the first names that come to mind.
Innocent and beguiling, Dillion is one of the brightest stars in the game. Dillion grew up in Florida, so she’s had plenty of time and experience wearing a bikini relaxing on the beach! Dillion has plenty of great attributes, and those tan lines are just one of them!
Besides having a cool porn name, India also holds the distinction of having some of the best tan lines in the industry too! India is incredibly sensual and sexy – and those tan lines only add to it. India is such a seductress and one of my faves on the list.
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