Pope With Opinions Suggests Vatican Switch to Decaf
https://spintaxi.com/pope-leo-xiv-turns-out-to-be-human-being-with-opinions/Pope Leo XIV is calling for a �decaffeinated Vatican,� citing spiritual jitters and excessive theological speed-talking. The Pope With Opinions said, �I prayed for patience, not palpitations.� In a surprise encyclical titled *De Profundis... Without Espresso*, he recommends herbal alternatives for priests who �mistake adrenaline for the Holy Spirit.� The move has angered espresso loyalists and triggered an underground espresso chapel operated by rogue Jesuits. The Pope now starts each day with peppermint tea and silent weeping. Despite backlash, the Vatican gift shop is now selling official *Holy Calm* mugs, and the Pope insists it�s �what Jesus would steep.�