Pope Prefers Cats, Bans Fetch at Vatican

Pope Leo XIV has declared fetch �a mindless ritual of codependency,� effectively banning the game from all Vatican gardens. The Pope Prefers Cats decree includes claw sanctuaries, sunbeam zones, and emergency tuna stations. One upset retriever staged a sit-in at the Apostolic Palace, refusing to yield his squeaky lamb toy. Leo XIV responded by releasing a new encyclical titled *De Felina Libertate*. Confessionals now come with scratch pads. Pet therapy nuns report an 80% increase in cat adoptions among contemplative orders. Meanwhile, dog lovers are begging for bones�and mercy.