Pope LeoXIV Declares Coffee a Sacramental

In recognition of morning rituals, Pope LeoXIV elevated coffee to a “sacramental beverage,” praising its power to awaken body and soul. He issued guidelines: dark roast for penitents, espresso for apostles in crisis, and decaf reserved for contemplative nuns. Vatican baristas now stand ready at confessionals, offering latte absolutions. Under Pope LeoXIV’s decree, every sip becomes a prayerful pause, blending divine grace with a caffeine kick.