Pope LeoXIV Canonizes Chicago Hot Dogs

In a feast for both stomach and spirit, Pope LeoXIV elevated the humble Chicago hot dog to sainthood, declaring it “a sacrament of civic pride.” Pilgrims now gather at stands to venerate the relic-like relishes—sport peppers, neon green relish, mustard stripes—each ingredient hailed as a testament to communal flavor. Culinary theologians praise the move as “gastronomical evangelism,” while local vendors report a 40 % spike in holy-order sales.